Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The week of June 6 – 13, 2008

I’ve been a little remiss in updating this blog this week and I’ll explain the what’s and wherefores now!

On Thursday the 5th I had a thought that as long as I was driving I could take my son Jerry with me for a few days and hopefully get through the Atlanta area to see family.

Well, I was able to get to see my sister for a little bit, but not my brother and his wife as there wasn’t time or actually enough time to let them know that I was going to make it by. They would have had to drive from Douglasville to Woodstock and for my brother who had a stroke not so long ago, in that heat and humidity it would not have been a nice trip. I was just hoping that I could stop by on the way back through but in this business sometimes you go where the dispatcher sends you and at almost $5.00 a gallon for diesel going out of route can become very expensive!

Anyway, as I said, I had my TEENAGE son with me and as soon as he got in the truck, World of Warcraft came on (I use a broadband connection!) along with HIS My Space and a few others and trying to get MY computer back was next to impossible! So, no updates! We got back I think Tuesday and I threw him out and as he really wanted to get home to his own computer and I kept on working but by then I was in “get it there and keep going mode” so I really didn’t turn it on till Thursday and then just to watch the weather!

On Friday the 13th and it WAS a Friday the 13th here in Springfield, Mo.! It rained and we got a record rainfall at Bingham Elementary School official city gauge of 5.37 inches! That school is just at ¾ mile from my house and due west, which makes it on a line before the rain gets here and it was coming out of the west Friday! I posted more pictures of the neighborhood and all of the water we have! My garage and the new shelves I built worked as I hoped! The water level in the garage was at 31” My bottom shelf is at 33”! But still I have to pressure wash the floor but we’re supposed to get MORE rain tomorrow and it just might flood again! GREAT! I was told in 2000 when we got flooded the first time it was a 500 year flood! OK, then I’m what, 1500 years old now? It’s flooded me out 3 times since then! And it might do it again 2 MORE times in this coming week! I’m just thankful I’m not in Iowa or Indiana! Those people really got it bad! Anyway there are more pictures in my “the flood” album! You’ll also notice a new album titled “Hair today gone tomorrow”!

While at my sisters I had decided that I would let my son cut all of my hair off! Yeah, I did! I wanted to get a little sun on my cue ball before I started my treatments so I figured that a week before would be a great idea. Hot and muggy until I shaved it off and then I never saw the sun again until today! I managed not to burn it but there is now a wonderful pink tint up there where the white was! I just had to be careful to stay away from pool halls! I have pictures and as soon as I can get one of these movie maker programs to keep running long enough to edit down an 8 minute video I’ll post it as it’s kinda funny watching!

It was also kind of funny on Wednesday as I was walking across the parking lot at the TA truck stop in Gainesville Texas. A guy asked me where all of my hair went! It was a big black dude, as some of you know I’m NOT PC! I grew up in a time where we were black, white, Chinese, Russian ect., and we didn’t have to know if you were African or Italian, Japanese with American thrown in at the end to make government and employment forms longer and so as not to offend anyone! Get a grip America! Of course you’re American! If you can speak English! You know what I mean!

Anywho, (that’s actually a word down south!) I sit down next to him on the bench and explain why this skinny old farts head was tan where there hadn’t been hair in a while and a sickening grey tone where the hair had been cut off on Sunday! He got a laugh out of it and we talked for about 15 minutes and again I have to explain to someone again why I was joking and carrying on (another southern term) that I WASN”T dead, I had NO plans to die and until I WAS in the pine box I would joke until there wasn’t a breath left in my body!

He didn’t understand, as with most people, cancer is something that happens to others or is more of a word to them. They think you’re supposed to be down in the dumps or morose or grey and sad. Well, that actually does happen to every one of us when we get faced with the stark fact that we have something we might not walk away from! But for some of us it becomes a big inconvenience or more of a bump in the road of life! I don’t have TIME to be down in the dumps! I’ve been there done that! It’s NOT a nice place to be! Ain’t going there again if I can help it! I’ll let others go there for me if you don’t mind!

I have one My Space friend, a young lady in Reno “sucre et épice” is her My Space name, who has been fighting cancer since she graduated from High School. She is a big influence, not only for me but some of her other friends as she has a very rare form of cancer that only affects about 50 people a year! Cancer researchers don’t even think about looking for a cure for it as there is no MONEY in that rare of a cancer as 50 people can’t spend enough cash for the cure so they don’t look at it! Yes it’s ALL about the money! She has had relapses 3 times I believe! She’s lost most of a leg. Then a relapse and part of a lung is removed. Then another relapse and more chemo and radiation! All before she’s 24 years old!

Her last blog was about her being “conflicted” because she’s a workaholic and can’t stand the fact that she had to take FLMA so she could do maintenance on her body and not cover the news as a reporter and producer! This CHILD (to me) is stronger than a lot of adults I know at 50! I know grownups, who, whine and complain about every little pain, cough and sniffle, and walk like they are falling apart! And it pisses me off to no end! At 50 you’re still young, it’s called MIDDLE AGED! Not DEAD! I don’t even complain to my wife about my headaches or pains from my tube or port! I just pop a few Tylenol and keep plugging away! I guess I have too much of my father in me! That’s why I’ll laugh myself to the grave and NOT complain about 5 little tumors!

In the business world it’s called PMA. Positive Mental Attitude! If I can keep a good PMA and make those around me giggle and laugh and look at life in a different way then I’m happy! As I told my new friend on the bench in Texas, laughter IS the best medicine and I have enough to share!

Even after a little rain floods out my garage!
06/15/2008 Sunday
I cleaned the garage out AGAIN! This time I didn't pressure wash the floor as it just might flood again this week! No since in wasting the gas!
Barb and I went to the farm store to get another finch feeder. The woodpeckers have totally destroyed the cheap plastic feeder we had up so I got one that has metal feeder holes in it. Now Woody, try your best!
Other than that I started drinking water and have downed ½ liter so far. {Slosh} Still wish I could do the beer or JD and coke instead but that's not in the cards! LOL!
I'm getting excited about starting my treatments (who'a thunk someone would be HAPPY to start that crap!) and I'm about to go and pack my carry bag filled with amongst other things, a liter of water, a sweater or 2 as they keep that place a tad on the chilly side, a good book and of course my laptop and a DVD movie!
I'll let you know how my first day went!
06/16/08 Monday 0745

Awake! Nervous and excited! It’s almost like I was going on a date with an extremely beautiful woman!
My check list is finished and my “FAG Bag” (Don’t get bent out of shape! It’s a military term! Fast Action Gear Bag!) is ready to go filled with a flannel shirt, sweater, undies, socks and extra T-shirt in case of an explosive case of “hurling” due to the effects of chemo! I also have my “purse” with my meds, bandannas, book, note pad and pen, and my “peg” gauze and tape kit and a few other items a “metro” man like me will need! ROFLMAO! And let’s not forget my already hated friend the 1 liter jug for water. I’ve tried to make it a habit to not drink before going to bed but that liter last night broke my “all nighter” record last night! I had to go twice! Geeze Louise! I KNOW it’s not from being nervous! I LOVE to sleep!

OK “I got’s to go” as Jerry Reid said in “Smokey and the Bandit”
C-Ya all later!
2045
Today was an experience to say the least. I met a few more people from nurses and specialists and other cancer patients. I started off my day in the cancer ward paying my $30.00 co pay and doing a couple of maze puzzles until I was called back to the Chemo ward where I was finally able to watch the first stick in my otherwise unused high dollar CT port!
The nurse was trying to lift my pullover shirt up so she could get to my port, I just took the thing off and joked with her as I "covered" my self up to my "breasts" and pleaded with her not to look! No, really, don't as you'll fall to the floor laughing your self at where my chest used to be! It's fallen around my belly! She probably heard it before but what the heck she still laughed which is a good thing when nurses have a sense of humor!
She then comes at me with the needle which we all think of as 3' long and dripping fluids! Well actually this thing is about ½ inch long and at the end opposite the pointy end it makes a 90* angle in a piece of plastic and turns into a tube with a threaded end to hook the drip line into. She tells me to take a deep breath and stab, OUCH, and it's in!
I put my shirt back on and she takes the running end to my shirt and away we go to the lazy boy recliners in the "quiet" room!
We set the pull up the built on table arm and I set my laptop up and get the first of 2 liters of water ready to go. I've already drank about ½ liter since I woke up this morning and it's already worked it's way thru, and Hold the Fort, I have got to go! Back and I sit and another nurse starts me going by making sure I'm who I think I am. BTW, I didn't get a silly hospital ID bracelet this time, HMMM I wonder if it's because it's made of petroleum products and they're trying to save money or because no one in their right mind would try to get dosed up with chemo?
I get over 2 liters of liquids pumped into me in a 4 hour period and add to that the 2 liters of water I drank! Talk about peeing! I think I won the fire hose contest as I went 5 freaking times while in Chemo and 4 times while waiting on radiation! If it was snowing I could have written War and Peace in the snow!
The stuff did give me a headache to the point I really couldn't see to read the screen on the laptop so I gave up and put my sunglasses on and then Barbara came in for the last hour and we talked with the other cancer patients in the room till I finished up all the good stuff they had to offer!
We took my FAG bag to the car and walked over to the oncology department and when they finally called me back Barb headed on home and I got to see the new Tomo Therapy Treatment machine!
This thing look exactly like a standard CT Scanner with the exception of the alignment laser shining across the bed about 2' out from he opening where the target marks are set on my mask (See the pics in my album titled "The medical stuff type of pictures")
We get going after I’m all snapped in and covered up with a nice toasty blanket. After the machine has done it’s alignment scan it starts the radiation treatment and it’s actually kinda weird as there are these weird blue lights flashing all over and I'm thing oh cool a light show! And after several minutes they go away and then I start smelling something that smells a little like hot brakes kinda then that goes away when I start tasting something I can't explain and wouldn't want Rachel Ray or Bobby Fray cooking for me! Just unpleasant!
The whole affair lasted about 40 minutes from the time I walked into the room till I walked out with the actual "treatment" lasting just over 11 minutes. The girls tell me that will improve as they "learn" me better! Now that sounds like fun! (Remember I've got to keep a good PMA going here! ROFL)
As I was getting my shirt on Stephanie asked me what I thought and I told her I really liked the light show and she tells me that there were no lights in the machine! I looked at her and told her that there were what looked like blue neon lights flashing all around the top and then Tracy comes on over the intercom and says that some people do see lights when the beam crosses the optic nerve. Well that's pretty cool and I ask her if it does the same thing when crossing the smell and taste nerves and well yes again in "some" of the cases! Gosh, do I feel special!
I hop on the bike for the ride home after confirming I have another "date" with those two lovely ladies tomorrow!
Hey, us old folks gotta use every excuse in the book!
Right?

06/17/2008 Tuesday AM

Last night wasn’t a good one for a first day after! I really didn’t go to bed till about 0300 and was back up at 345 to attempt to throw up but I guess it was more of an acid thing so I attempted to drain my peg and got a little out that way waking Barb up by running water in the sink. We both went back to bed and I was back up at 0445 and this time I take my nausea pills with a couple of crackers and milk and head back to bed again. I tossed and turned and finally gave up at 0900 and got up took more pills as I have to take 1 at 230 (1430) for my Amifostine shots as I don’t want to get nauseous when they put my mask on! That ought to be fun throwing up and almost drowning before Stephanie and Tracy can get in there to get the thing off! I can see that on the tombstone! LOL… NOT!
So far I’ve drank,drunk, drinked(?) ¾ liter of water getting ready for today and I feel like I’m sloshing already! Only 5.4 weeks left! Crap!

It’s been all week and I’m really sorry about not updating this.

Tuesday I didn’t feel to “chipper” or my usual self. More like a flu bug had attacked! I didn’t do much more than feel listless all day till I headed down to St. Johns and my next treatment.

I get in early so I can get my first Amifostine shot. Beki the nurse is there and as she’s weighing me in little Tammy has some fun with me by sneaking up and tapping on the scales and making the numbers go up and down on the digital scale making me a little nutty till she giggles! I love a good giggle! LOL. Then Beki pulls out her 2 syringes and tells me to pull my shirt up! WOAH THERE FILLY! WHERE? Yep in the belly! 2 below the belly button the next higher and then the BACK side! I thought shots went in the freakin arms! So ok she gets her way with me and a little burning below and to the sides of the belly button and I get to go sit for a few minutes while it starts to do it’s magic with my saliva glands!

30 minutes later Tammy and Stephanie are doing their thing snapping me to the table and away we go watching the pretty blue light dance around for a few minutes. This session went faster than Mondays and I was off the table in 20 minutes and after putting teeth, shirt and glasses back on I head out and make a quick left turn into the bathroom and don’t make it past the sink! Oh I never liked throwing up when drunk! But after Chemo and radiation it’s even nastier! I pull the alert plunger and have a nurse in there in a few seconds and she’s already prepared with a handful of towels!
These people At St. Johns know the drill and apparently when I made a hard left they knew and were prepared! I have some wonderful people on my team here!

Dr. Kim comes to see me and he thinks that the Chemo yesterday and the Amifostine today was a little more than I need and I won’t take any more shots this week. Oh well as long as I don’t dry out I’m ok with that!

I get in the truck and go to Lowe’s and then to Wal-Mart for some needed things and as I heading home I’m on Lone Pine which is a 2 lane street and the traffic coming at me is heavy with everyone coming home from work when it hits me again and I just stop in the street and barely get the door open! Nice picture for those looking at me from the other lane but the thing is the idiot behind me starts to blow his horn at me! OK YOYO can’t you see I’m a tad bit busy here! I heave again pull the truck down the street again and oops again but manage to get it on a side street and of course the truck making sure that I’m not going to get thrown through the windshield locks the damn seatbelt and I can’t get far enough out of the truck for the crap to go anywhere but on the running board! GREAT! But I do manage to unlock the buckle and finish this job!

I get home drink a small can of Ginger ale (I LOVE Ginger ale!) and eat a few Ritz crackers and have Barb just make me a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup! I don’t know about the rest of you but when I feel like I’ve been beaten down by some little virus, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup ALWAYS does it for me! I mean it’s like magic the way it makes you feel! Wonder drug! And then that night there is a news article on the news from Science about some molecule or other in Chicken that works against one in OUR bodies that makes you feel like crap! Go freakin figure! But, Hey, Grandmother and Mom always made Campbell’s and so does my son’s mom!

I do sleep a little bit better tonight. Not like I slept all the way through but 2, 4 hour stints was a lot better than Monday!

Wednesday and I still feel “dull” AND my mouth feels like it’s still asleep! I use my baking soda and salt solution and it tastes like crap! My 1 cup of coffee tastes like crap and even ginger ale tastes, like no not ginger ale! Even my oatmeal is more of a tasteless paste than what I want to eat but I need those calories and force it down! I have the feeling that everything wants to come back up and I manage not to fall for the old run to the bathroom reflex my body keeps sending me! I’m not kneeling down to Johnny! I take my pills and wait till my appt time. I ride down and I feel much better after the 15 minute ride on my bike! It’s another amazing thing about the simple things of life how they make you feel and perk you up! Soup or a ride on a motorcycle! Even watching the baby cottontail rabbits in my flower garden is so relaxing.

Barb called me this morning telling me to look at the big rabbit bouncing along behind the porch and as I watch it goes into my flower bed and then the cutest thing happens, out from under my Hosta’s one at a time come 5 little baby rabbits! They all jump around on mommy and she plays for a few minutes till she shoos them back and heads on over to my next door neighbors veggie garden! Little bouncy bundles of fuzz is what they look like!
Yep, Cancer lets you look at things a little bit differently and in a better light! Even the lightening bugs last night were dancing for me in a ballet that has never ceased to amaze me! So many of them and so few of us!

Anyway I get my treatment and head home to see if the rabbits will be out or if mommy will move them to another home when she figures that I like to sit on the stoop next to that flower bed. Time will tell.

Thursday I still have the same feeling but at least it’s the same feeling and not worse! And the constant feeling of nausea is gone. I’m up and doing my morning routine when I notice that the lump in the side of my neck isn’t poking out like it had been! HMMM, well let’s not read anything into it as it hasn’t even been 4 full days yet! I still have that listless feeling and I’m having trouble wanting to do any one thing for more that a few minutes and those of you who know how I love to game on the computer might wonder what’s going on! I don’t know and I might need to talk to the doc about it, if not go in for a “skull” session with yet, another doctor I haven’t net yet!

As I get ready to head to the Center the weather alerts start going off and we’re under another tornado and flash flood alert! GREAT! Barbara drives me down the center and goes to pick up Brian our oldest at work. We get hit pretty hard with rain and a tornado does tear up a couple of buildings around town. I get about 3 inches of water in my garage, AGAIN! Third time this month by the way! So that’s going to be another wash out of the place! I get home and the boys and I pull the bikes and lawn mowers out of the garage along with the pick up as it’s not hailing anymore so no fear of damaging it! It’s just another night at home and tomorrow Jerry wants to go down with me as they said he can come in and actually watch them set me up and program the Tomo while he watches!

Friday and I feel the same in all aspects! Just, B L A H. I guess I’ll need to remember that feeling or actually never get over it! I know I’ll be feeling this way and even worse as this goes along so get used to it dude! Buck up and hold on is all I can do and it’s going to get worse! I have 5 more chemos and 26 radiations left! TGIF! Survive today and you get the weekend off! I never thought I’d actually look forward to a weekend like I am this one!

Jerry and I ride down to St Johns and we go in. I get called back and we start. Jerry’s watching and even asks a few questions and after Tammy and Stephanie get me locked down they take him out so he can watch the part I don’t get to see!

20 minutes later and we’re done, Jerry has this weird kind of smile on his face and I ask Tammy if he learned anything and it pours out of him like a river! “DAD! Dr. Kim says your tumors are shrinking! I got to see what they looked like every day this week, it’s soo freaking kewl!” Right then and there I knew my son would know that dad would be here for a while longer! I didn’t see any tears but the smile alone was worth the memory I’ll hold for the rest of my life! The past few weeks has been hard on a boy or young man of 14 years not really understanding what something like cancer or any thing that can take the “the guy who can fix anything, can do anything and is the coolest dad in HIS whole school” down like it’s taken me and my family down. I’m ok, he’s ok! He and I head on out and we stop at Wendy’s for their new Frosty Vanilla Bean Shake to celebrate!

Saturday and Sunday find me being lazy, an unknown side effect to this ongoing medical problem! Barb and I go to the store as I really want some fresh squash and butter beans! I need the vitamins and hell I just miss a good boiled squash and onion and I love butter beans! Especially the next day when the pot liquor gets thick! Look out tummy! Sunday Brian and I pressure out the garage and then do the outside of the thing as it’s starting to look a little dingy and that’s about all we do for today! Tired, beat and I want more squash, onion and butter beans!

I’m sitting here looking at the screen and see my game icons and ya know what, later. I just don’t feel like slaying monsters and dragons just yet. I’m doing enough of that in real life!