Chapter 4

Chapter 4
05/19/2008 Sunday
It's another wonderful day here in Springfield! I woke up which is ALWAYS a good thing! Wonderful weather of 85* and clear sky's.

First thing a friend of mine who is taking over my New York City loads calls and asks directions into his first drop which I give him and we talk for a little while filling him in on the happenings. I hang up and go online to what everyone will have to go through in their life someday....Social Security!
I went to work on these stupid on line social security forms and just got madder and madder at the stupidly of whoever set the crap up! Why aren't any of the fields linked to save on time filling them out! Geeze Louise, my 14 year old could have done a better job!
My buddy calls me again about three hours into the ordeal, just the right amount of time for him to get from Carlisle, Pa. to Brooklyn and my wife says so also! She’s real suspicious of any of the drivers who do NYC from my company as she thinks it "MY" turf and they're all after my runs! ESPECIALLY the O/O's and lease purchase guy's! Of course he didn't follow the directions quite right! He turned down the street I told him to LOOK down as he went by it and see where the dock was but to do a few other turns! I talk him in to the street where he will spend the rest of the day say good bye and hang up. Barb is standing there glaring at me and starts in on me about helping everyone who needs it.
Well, my blood pressure was already up from the forms and talking to Jim actually helped me to relax a little but when my wife starts she’s like a freaking pit bull and won't stop! Yep, I feel the BP hitting 140 over 90 and climbing! I finally tell her to leave it alone AND me and turn back to the computer to wade to the finish line in these forms!
I was so pissed when I finally finished them off and went to print them, the printer, an HP bought from Walmart, which has been a P.O.S. from day one just could and would NOT print a second page! Oh, page one would do just fine and then jam, and when cleared the damn thing would NOT take the prompt from the computer and I would have to unplug it and then clear the properties box and THEN set it all up again from where it left off and of course one freakin page later start it all over again!
Well, needless to say a fist on top of an All in One has a tendency to shatter the glass of the scanner! I'm seeing through a red tunnel as I unplug the thing and as I'm taking it out to the trash can she starts again, AND the phone rings again with another trucking friend! I don't have to tell you the look I got! Hell would and could have frozen over!
I stay outside talking for a few minutes and hang up and stay outside for about an hour in the garage to sit and stare at the bike thinking it's almost time for a ride, walk back up to the house and here we go again!

To me one of the things that really pulls my chain is when some people ask you the same question over and over, like reporters at a presidential press meeting? You know reword it 50 different ways hoping for a different answer? But you get the same one every time!
Well she does the same thing. "What do you want for dinner"?
And I answer the same way each time
"Baby, I don't care. What ever you want to cook is fine with me".
and again
and again
and again
and again
Until my answer changes!

"BARB! WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO COOK"! QUIT ASKING ME
P L E A S E, I D O N ' T C A R E"!

And that’s the end of being civil for the rest of the day. She's mad, I'm mad.
The boy's are smart enough to stay in their rooms out of the line of fire and I retreat back into the living room/office as she starts her usual "hurt feelings" routine of slamming pots and pans around and talking to herself just loud enough for me to hear!
God, please hurry and fix me so I can get back to work! That’s all I ask! I'm not worried about the bills or the treatments I'm worried about my sanity from the stress this is putting on ME! Please God help HER to relax!
I married a high stress woman. I know she worries about every little thing and I keep telling her that now isn't the time to be doing this to me as I need to remain calm and keep my "center". I don't care if there is a freaking cat hair on my shirt, don't care if there is a water spot on the bathroom floor, or if the windows need washing, or repainting the office for the 4th time because the flat paint rubs off when you wipe a fingerprint off, or the weed eater in the shop and the yard looking a little ragged around the edges. None of these things matter right now! QUIT worrying about the trivial crap such as one of Jerry's friends coming over or god forbid a neighbor were to come over and see a piece of lint on the carpet! Just relax as we work through something a little more important. US, sweetheart! ME, LIVING for a few more years! I'm NOT asking for much Baby, just for you to figure out what I've been telling you for 15 years. STOP WORRYING! I don't have the time for YOU to wind up in the hospital because you're "stressed out" meaning a stroke or heart attack!

She's gone to bed and as usual in our 15 years of marriage, when I'm home she didn't tell me good night, didn't come in for a kiss, or a hug. I guess I'm the touchy feelie kind of guy. I'm the one who goes for all of the mushy stuff, except for chick flicks! Yes I do like to hug and kiss, always have and always will. I guess I shouldn't feel any different except I think when your partner is in a life and death struggle you'd look for a touch even after an argument. I know I always do when she's down and when she's been in the hospital and when she's mad at me. I'm the one who will go the apology route and hell I'M always the one at fault (what husband isn't?) but then, I'm an ass, so I guess it just comes natural for me!

I guess I'll go to bed. I've got a full day tomorrow what with taking my dentures down and giving them to my dentist so he can fill all the places where teeth poke through with ceramic or whatever they are made of and then head to the cancer center for work up's and to meet my oncologist for the first time. It's just another $2000.00 day and I've been having a few of them this month as the bills started coming in yesterday.

Anyone have any money tree seeds?
5/20/08 (7:30pm)
We’re back! I lost a few more ounces of blood to a nurse and her needle then went to meet my oncologist Dr. Holden. After the usual poke, cough and prod He have me GREAT NEWS!
I get 6 weeks of radiation treatments and during that I get 3 chemo treatments! Then I get 3 “more intense” chemo treatments after they stop shooting me full of radiation! The good news about the extra 3 treatments is I will go down to the cancer center where they will start the IV’s and then I get to go home to get sick and sleep in my own bed! I do thank the nurses at St. Johns on the Cancer ward. You guys took great care of me on my last visit but I hope you don’t mind if I don’t come back! As much a I “LOVE” hospitals (ROFLMBO!) there’s nothing like your own bed and family around and I know you guys would rather it be that way and probably wish all of your patients could have that luxury!
The stress of the past few days almost poured off of us when Dr. Holden told us the way things would go for the first 6 weeks! We’ll see how long the lst 3 treatments will take or the amount of time between them. I’m hoping a week but I know that ain’t going to happen!
At least the pain of yesterday is behind us. The pain of tomorrow we face. And the whatever’s of the next weeks I won’t ponder till the time comes. I’m putting on the binders and looking forward and when the “it’s” get within reach I’ll look at those problems and solve them then. I won’t fall victim to the anger that my enemy stress throws at me! I can’t afford it. I’m too good to forget my simple lessons about dealing with stress!
05/20/2008 Tuesday (2:00pm)
Of course I was up at 6am to make it to the oral surgeons today. I'm walked in to the room and am taken care of by 2 sweet young ladies who do my BP, stick ANOTHER IV in and put the sticky pads on my chest to watch the ole ticker do its thing while I'm under.
The Doc comes in and says hi and he says “I'll give you your meds now”. I tell him ok and nite-nite and oh yeah it was lights out but not as usual! I woke up at 1315 (1:15pm) to the phone ringing! HUH! What am I doing in MY bed? Then I realize that I have my lower plate in. Barbara isn't at home so I float, yes, I said float into the kitchen fix a cup of coffee as it's my 1st of the day step out to the porch and call my wife.

It appears that I had a GREAT time this mourning! Kinda like one of those drunks where you have to have a friend tell you how much fun you had! You know those nights! Well the oral surgeon used a smidgen too much of the happy juice! Apparently I'll make a great comedian someday as after they "woke" me up I was joking and kidding with the staff in their recovery room, and then passed back out. Then they have to help Barb get me to the car and Barb drove me over to my dentists office, with me still out like a light, and they have to help her get me into his office where I "came to" and started my routine again!

She said I was a big help with telling him where the dentures were a little tight and passed out again! They help Barb stuff me back into the car and when she got home my oldest had to help her get me to the bedroom where I slept blissfully until Social Security's automated appointment computer calls and after I hang up I'm looking around with that "WTFAI" (where the **** am I) look! And we’re back to me calling my wife! She's NEVER seen me drunk! I gave that up a few years before we met. She thinks it's so cute that I tell her great, let’s go out and get drunk some night! Well, that won't happen but If they give whatever Dr. Meyer gave me it'll be a great drunk as there is no headache or puddles of smelly stuff laying around! But OUCH! They DO use the really sticky tape over the IV hole! There go 40 more hairs off of the arm.

Now to see if Barb will let me go on a mission tomorrow. I would like to make it to Topeka, Ks. for SP4 (ret) James E Main, Sr., PGR/Army, The home of the WBC and I know they will show their ugly face in their own home town!