Chapter 1

Chapter 1
April 25, 2008
Ever wonder how you'll react when you're told that you have something wrong with your body? You know the lump of flesh you've been trapped in for, well, all of your life? You actually think that YOU are in control of it until you get to a point in life where you notice little things that you never had a problem with, having problems. And you're not controlling everything the way you used to!
Add to the fact that most men have this thing about not going to a doctor unless they have a gun held to their head or we are only bleeding out of every pore of our body, and then there are those of us where the almighty dollar says you work till you drop! I fall into all of those categories. (Try spending 3 months in an Army hospital and you'll understand the aversion to doctors and hospitals on my part!)
Well several weeks ago I went to my doctor because my wife was threatening to sleep in another zip code when I come home off the road due to my snoring!
Ok, I did have 2 lumps come up on my neck which another doctor had treated last year with some meds and they pretty much went away. Well they are back so I just decided to kill 3 birds with one stone so 2 weeks ago I'm sitting in Dr. Haversticks office doing the touchy feelie thing and he hands me a script for two meds. One is for the ear and lump infection and another for the sinus infection with the instructions to come back in a week when the meds are gone.
This week rolls around, Ok, Doc here I am and well the ear infection is gone, the sinus is kinda clear and the lumps are still there and starting to get sore. He pulls out the ole scope thing; you know the one that he uses to look into all of those dark places that you can't see in yourself! As he looks into my nose, his eyebrows go up like Mr. Spocks of Star Trek, mumbles a little and tells me that I need to go get a CT Scan. NOW! He walks out and about 2 minutes later in walks the nurse with the directions to the hospital and she tells me I need to put my helmet and leathers on and go, NOW, as they are waiting on me, NOW! All of these NOWS are starting to worry me a tad so I walk out of the doctors office and jump on the bike and head to St. Johns.
I get to the place and a nurse is waiting for me at the door having been told that I was riding a motorcycle and she had no trouble identifying me when I walked in the door carrying my helmet with all the leather draped on me!
She walks me into the area where they prep patients getting scanned and has me sign a paper and tells me we’ll finish the paper work when I’m done.
They do their deal, get an IV in, throw me into the tube and take the pictures. Done. Call your doctor tomorrow and I'm outta there after finishing the paperwork! Great, I talk to the doctor the next day and he says that he'll call me Monday.
Well Monday finds me back in NYC as I am every Monday and he calls and tells me I need to be in his office Thursday at 3:30. Now, here’s the thing about being a truck driver. Sometimes your dispatcher can't get you home exactly when you need to be home like 3:30 Thursday, so my wife goes in my place and talks to him then he calls me just after I get across the In/Il state line. After the hellos, he explains that there is a problem. He tells me that the lumps in my neck and the sinus infection are being caused by the same thing. It’s a 14 letter word that I still can't pronounce called Nasopharyngeal Cancer. Not to worry, IF, we've caught it in time there is a GOOD chance that we can treat it with out to much trouble! But you NEED to be at the hospital tomorrow so we can fast track this and get this started, see you tomorrow and goodbye!
OH FREAKIN GREAT! He DID say the "BIG C" word! BUT it's not as if you weren't expecting it! I've been alive long enough to know that when someone (A doctor) won't explain something on the phone to you unless your better half is sitting in front of him, it's NOT going to be GOOD news! Besides, you kinda expected it because the headaches were getting worse and there was a little blood on the tissues when you blew your nose and you do know how to Google on the internet!
Oh, well, I talk to my wife for a little while and hear the strain in her voice and continue to head home. After a few minutes the happy voice that I was talking to her in changed to her "worry" voice. It's starting to sink in. He DID say the "C" word.
I've always told everyone around me especially my wife that there is nothing written down, no instructions, papers, stone tablets, nothing, nada, zilch that says you HAVE to worry about a single thing in life, as worry will only lead to ulcers and a stroke! Well, it’s time to worry! Big time! All of the What Ifs start running around loose in my head. What will Barbara do? She can't work because of HER medical problems, What about my son? He's only 14! DAMN, I have GOT to be here to see him graduate from high school, get married (but not to young, PLEASE, Son!) There is a laundry list of things we haven't done together or I need to teach him about. What about my mentally handicapped stepson? He needs me as much as everyone else in the house.
I CAN"T have this cancer! It's all a bad dream and this nightmare will end when I wake up! Wake UP, WAKE, UP, STUPID!
Yeah dummy, you puffed on those cigarettes for 39 stupid years before you quit! Why did you think you were so cool smoking? Now look at yourself! You quit on February 26th 2007 and 25th of April 2008 the doctor is telling you that you have cancer. Yeah, it's not the deadliest of them, not by a long shot according to the American Cancer Society's web site, but it's enough to still screw up your life for however long it will take and that’s all that’s needed to push this household or any household into bankruptcy!
WHY is it always AFTER you quit that stupid habit that you find out the wonderful news! All of the thoughts running thru my mind and 295 miles later the tears start. I know Dad, MEN don't cry, but, screw it I'm feeling sorry for myself now. Hell yes I'm scared. There are very few things in this world I'm scared of! Police officers ink pens and my wife! No man on this planet scares me, no one alive am I scared of as I'll spit in your eye and charge hell to tear you a new ass if you screw with me or the ones I've promised to protect, no matter how much bigger than my 5'8" 150 pounds you are or what equalizer you might be holding!
But this, this, THIS, disease that I can't put my hands on and tear out of my body could take me down! I take off my glasses and wipe the tears out. Ok dummy, you've had your cry, that’s all you get for the time being! You have a son to raise, a handicapped step son to help along and a wife who will need your help in the near future! Time for crying when you grow OLDER and die!
I'm NOT giving up! Like I've been saying for years, "I'll make it to my own funeral late, sliding in sideways and yelling WOW, What a freakin ride that was!" 54 is way to young to end now!
Well Friday was better than Thursday in a few ways! After reading the CT scan and figuring that the thing is about the same size as golf ball and is around my optic nerve (the reason I'm having such killer headaches and want to pull the offending eye out by the roots!)
A biopsy was performed on the "growth" in my sinus and it's in the lab and I will be told Tuesday as to our next plan of attack! That will be on Friday at 0930 again! I do know that this is a "treatable" cancer growth, IF we have gotten to it soon enough, BUT because I am like of most males, I procrastinated going to a doctor in the first place and that will make the treatment longer! You guys and he men take note of this! Wimp out and go to the doctors when you KNOW something is wrong!
The treatment for this type of cancer is 2 of 3 things, these being surgery, radiation and chemo treatments. Hopefully we will be doing the Surgery and radiation treatment so I will be able to work, BUT, it is a 5 day a week for 6 weeks typical treatment!
I am looking at possibly going bankrupt because working as a local driver will NOT bring in the rate of pay I do need to keep my head above water, that is if I am able to work while under going treatments, but I guess the bill collectors, the scum they are, will just have to settle for $5 or $10 a month till I get back up on my feet or take the pennies on the dollar the judge will give them if I file bankruptcy! Hopefully they went to college and took preventive management and figure out the dollars a month are a lot better than a few pennies! Me I won't worry about my credit as I'd rather be alive and broke than broke and dead! Credit can be brought back to life! Medical science hasn't gotten quiet that far yet!