Chapter 10

Chapter 10


This week has been ok in a couple of ways but harder to handle in others.

I get in for my shots Monday and everything is fine when I’m finally finished on the machine. I believe that the reason I was getting sick from them was I misunderstood how much water I had to drink! It turns out at LEAST 1 liter but try for more every 24 hours not from the time I woke up to my 3:15 shots! BIG relief! But Tuesday my BP was like 94/67 and that was a little low and no shots for that day so I only had my radiation treatment and went home. I am noticing that the top of my mouth is really sore and feels like it’s producing a paste worse than what pot ever did! I swear I can’t even spit now as 1, my throat is pretty sore and 2 the paste is so thick I couldn’t if I tried! I’ll talk to Dr. Kim tomorrow and see what he thinks.

Wednesday I forgot to turn the ringer up on my cell and when I go t look I have a call from Jeannie a dear friend from back home! She’s one of 3 girls who were my baby sister’s best friends. If you saw 1 of them the other 3 were just around the corner! Jeanie lost her husband of something like 25 years last summer. It was a blow to all of us when Jerry passed. He was so full of life and had started a business up around Georgia and Alabama selling his secret recipe of boiled peanuts. For those of you not from the south boiled peanuts are actually really good! And some of the different tastes are the same as going to New York City and eating hotdogs at different venues! Totally different and fantastic! He was up and coming after giving most of his life to law enforcement in Douglas County and then with the GBI. He had started off working for Kathi Lee’s dad Sheriff Earl Lee in the radio room as a dispatcher and worked himself all the way up to the ranks of the Georgia Bureau of Investigation! They found him after having had a brain aneurism burst and he just didn’t make it. He left behind Jeannie and a couple of children who thankfully were almost all grown. Anyway Jeannie and I talk for a half an hour and that really perked me up for a while until I get down to the Center where I get in and see a young lady in the waiting room and mistook her for 1 of Sandies daughters. But lo and behold she’s a friend of Laura and she’s a cancer survivor also! Most of us will carry a horizontal scar on our right (left looking at us) chest and on women it will be just above the start of the swell of the breast. It’s about 1 ½ to 2” long. When you see this scar smile and ask them if they are a survivor and watch their beaming smile and the happy “Yes I am!” reply! We talked for a few minutes and Laura comes out looking a little nauseous from her treatment but her session lasts longer than mine. Poor thing, BUT it seems that research is showing that women with cervical cancer will respond better and have a better prognosis if another surgery is done. I hope it’s true! The world would be such a smaller place without Laura! I hope everyone says a prayer for her! And tomorrow also, as she gets her weekly chemo treatment! Give her strength, Lord, for her to smile when she’s done- Amen.

I go on back and get my shots and talk to Nurse Jennifer, but I did have to talk about one of the other nurses to her. No names but one nurse who gave me shots last Thursday shakes really bad! And she plunges a little to fast with the Amifostiate. That’s why my arms still feel like I’ve been lifting weights! She also gave me my shot Monday and scared me to death as I could see her as she gave my shots in the belly! I’m not supposed to tighten up with these but damn I couldn’t help it! No wonder I’m so freakin sore! I’m sorry but she can stay away from me with the needles! I also see Dr. Kim and when he looked in my mouth he asked me if I was taking anything for the pain and I told him I wasn’t except for extra strength Tylenol and he said that I had to be in a little more pain than that. I confessed that I was hurting and as he told me, being in pain was my body telling me that I had to do something about it and that it would only prolong my recovery! GREAT, what I need to hear! So now I am on Tylenol 3 with codeine. And my Riding and driving days are now at an end! F*&K! Not what I wanted to hear! I don’t drink and drive due to my CDL license and I damn sure won’t drive while on codeine based drugs! I get my shots and wait for Stephanie to call me for my round in the machine! I finish go to Dillions and get my “meds” and take the long way home on the bike. I pull her into the garage and sit there listening to her tick and click as she cools down, tears actually coming out of my eyes as I think “Man, it’s only 3 weeks dude and this freaking nightmare will be over! You can last that long without a ride!” I get off and sit in the camp chair watching a young robin hop around as it learns to feed it’s self and I tip a flower pot sitting next to me over and grab a worm before it can get back underground and toss it to her. She looks at it for a minute and hops away! Leaving that big ol juicy worm wiggling around in the grass! Another older robin swoops in and grabs it and the next thing I know I’m talking to the youngster telling it not to look a gift horse in the mouth! I know there’s a moral in there somewhere but I fail to see it and wonder why I even wrote it! DUH!
It’s spaghetti night and I love spaghetti and take one bite and well that’s another meal that I can’t do and Barbara makes me a bowl of chicken noodle soup! I also tell her that She’s going to have to start taking me to treatments and well she isn’t a happy camper about that wanting to know why I can’t drive and I tell her, OK no problem and when I get a DUI and can’t do my line of work any more I’ll pay what bills I can working at a convenience store or I could deliver pizzas off of the back of a bicycle! That shut her up pretty quick as I think she realizes that she still doesn’t hear me complain about any pain I might be in and the most she ever hears out of me are moans at night when I roll over and now when I swallow! I never did like to complain and I guess the most I do in these journal pages. I guess I just want anyone who finds out they have cancer that they can read these silly words of wisdom as some friendly advice and a guide should they want to!

Thursday 07/03/2008
I fell asleep in my sons little baby san chair last night while I watched him play WOW. He woke me at 4:45 and had to help his old man out of the stupid thing! Note to self; HEY STUPID, NOT IN THAT CHAIR! Thank god the Dr made me get that pain killer! It helped! And no I’m not ROFLMAO because I wouldn’t be able to get of the damn floor! I woke up as Barb was heading out the door to take Brian to work and came in to the bathroom and had to use my baking soda and salt to kill some of the pain in my mouth. The roof of my mouth feels like the roof on the house! Really rough now like sand paper. I finish and go get a cup of coffee and take a few sips and well I guess I can let it cool down and put it in my feeding tube. I think my eating days are at an end. I do two cans of whatever is in my “basket” in the bathroom for a total of 705 calories to start my day off. It’s not scrambled eggs and bacon but it’ll keep me fueled till “lunch” when I might “treat” my self with a chocolate equate! HMMM glad I can’t taste through the tube as chocolate flavored baby formula does NOT appeal to me as that’s what all of these canned “specialty” foods smell like!
At least I did get my ice cream down last night! If I can’t do my milk shakes and ice cream I just might go over the deep end! What’s life without ice cream?
About the basket I mentioned earlier. Barb went to Hobby Lobby and found these rectangular baskets that are partitioned into different sized compartments that hold all of my tape and gauzes for my peg and my syringes for my feeding tube and all of my meds
I’m still a tad bit upset about having to do the pain killer and I think I have a solution to trying to ride and not get a DUI. I’m going to set my times to correspond with my treatment times so that when I leave the house it’ll be late enough in the cycle that it won’t affect me. I will be sure to stay alert with a Boost before I leave but if I find I do wander then I’ll throw in the towel and not ride or drive. I can’t afford to drive the pick up truck and Barb needs the car to get Brian and I guess we will have to fall back on the plan for her to take me, drop me off and come back after getting Brian.
Anyway it’s another problem to figure out like the one right now about mixing equal parts of meds to make a mouthwash and I have different measurements on the bottles. Ounces and milliliters! ARRRRGGGG! Where is this freaking going to lead next! Crap, when in doubt ask a doctor! LOL

Thursday 07/03/2008
It was a wonderful day I slept in and woke to a quiet house as Barb had taken Brian to work and then to Wally World. I drink about half a cup of coffee and decide I really don’t want any more till this inconvenience is OVER! Wait did I just type that! Yep and those of you who know me not wanting coffee is like a drunk not wanting Ripple! I guess stranger things have happened on this planet and it won’t start turning backwards because of me not wanting coffee! It’s just that my throat is so sore now I don’t want to even open my mouth! I read the paper and what’s on line and also go to the VA site and keep on filling out the seemingly endless government forms and get ready to go to the center for another round of abuse!
I get my shots and hit the table and as soon as Stephanie unsnapped me I dive for the trash can! I hold it for a minute and nothing happens so I pull my shirt on grab my helmet and head on home. Yes, I rode my bike and yes it helped my mood! I didn’t feel or should say don’t feel woozy from the Tylenol 3 yet so I feel safe to ride but that will not last long as T3 really isn’t cutting the mustard in killing the pain in my mouth. Dr. Kim said it would get bad but I didn’t think this freaking bad! The thought of a harder pain med scares me as I went through a morphine addiction that my Uncle Sam got me hooked on from an accident on Okiwaniwa many years ago which I had to kick and that wasn’t fun at all! Hence the fear of pain meds!
I come home and Barb cooks my new favorite dinner, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and I dive in and get a few bites down and… you guessed it, the noodles are to hard to swallow! DAMN! Well the broth is fine and I drink it without the Ritz crackers as THEY aren’t going down to smoothly even soft from a soaking in the broth. Not as many calories in the broth alone but it does stimulate the taste buds and anything to keep my quality of life up is highly needed! I’m wondering if I can get a prescription for pot! Maybe I can fuzz my way through the next 3 weeks!
So, anyway, next to no food went down my throat and won’t till the radiation is done and the damage is repaired when my white blood cell count picks back up. I’ve had 6 cans of different formulas today and the burps really taste bad! I apologized to every baby I ever burped in my life who was fed baby formula and I pounded on their backs to MAKE them burp! LOL I just hope I get another coupon like the one I got from Lone Star Steak House as because as soon as I can chew I’m there for the Cajun sirloin! Flavor and MEAT!

07/04/2008
Friday 4th of July

Well it’s a REAL day off for me! I have no kind of Dr’s appt or will I even think of going! I’m relaxing today and getting ready to go to Powell, Mo. on a send off mission for PO1 David Cummings, USN by the Patriot Guard Riders. It’ll be about a total of 280 miles by the time I get back and it shouldn’t be to hard for me to do. The weather says intermittent t storms so I shouldn’t get wet but yes dear I’ll pack the rain suit that I bought in Tn. last July when I came back from my sister’s house!

I didn’t go to watch the fireworks tonight as Jerry went to spend the night at one of his friends house but I can see the show from here or actually the higher flying of the rockets and I did get to see most of the aircraft that flew over the show as I’m just south of the underground where the show is held and the smaller aircraft come out of the small airport north of me. I did see the Army Golden Knights do their stuff until they got below my tree line and they are just as impressive as they were back in 1985 when I interviewed them when I was working for my dad as a radio DJ at the station he owned for a while. I went to bed early as I need to rest for my trip tomorrow.

Saturday

I get up and turn the computer on and go out to get the paper and I can’t believe it! There is a line of thunderstorms coming out of Oklahoma and Kansas and the stupid thing is along my proposed route with the worst of the stuff over the town of Powell, Mo. where I need to go! Well maybe I can get around most of it and put my bag on the bike and head out for this mission which will be the last one I’ll be able to go on or actually on a “longer run” mission. I’ll still be able to make any that are at home or really close by if the times don’t interfere with my treatments.

I get on the road and as I’m getting out I44 to my exit I’ve been watching the thunderheads as they grow to their 50,000’ height and I know I’m going to get more than a little wet but I’m pretty certain I made the right choice on the route as I’m going between 2 of them and the line is off to my SW BUT where I need to head! I hit my exit and I stop at the Missouri Jumps airfield where they do a lot of sky diving and put my rain suit on now instead of waiting till it does rain as you get wet and I don’t need to get wet! But dummy left the shield sitting on the shelf and forgot to put it in my bag! DUAH!
I get almost to Monett when the bottom falls out of the clouds and I think I see people building an ark! I’ve ridden in hard rain before but this was a frog choker! I stop at the little truck stop in Monett and sit for a few minutes and as it starts to lighten up where I was sitting what I saw to my SW was anything BUT lighter! 2 Thunder heads were down there and I had to go there and it was nothing but BLACK down there! Well I can’t sit any longer as I gave myself an extra 45 minutes lead time on this and I’m now down to 25 minutes so I try again.

I get south of the town of PURDY, Mo. And stop in the driveway of the Longview Methodist Church and as I look at my watch, the 30 mph I was driving because I couldn’t see a thing due to the heavey raid really hurt me and then it really got bad as the lightening started hitting all around me and it started to hail pea sized hail. I get off of the bike and go stand on the front porch of the church and I know that this mission for me was a bust. I will not make the kick stands up call and I look at the churches sign out next to the road I sat a prayer for the young man about to head over to the sand box to help fight in this war for peace in the middle east. I pray that he returns home to family that he is leaving behind and I pray that he comes home with all of the parts in all of the right places and then I ask that I make it home without getting sick as I have a family to take care of also. He answered my prayers as I made it home in one piece and wash and polish the bike before I put it up in the garage.
The rest of my weekend went ok and Monday will be here before I know it! I hope you all reading my journal had a great 4th of July!