Chapter 9
06/23/2008 Monday
It seems that a weekend off from doctors, nurses and a Tomo machine is what the “Doctor” really did order! I feel better than I have the past week since I started this dance! I do still feel BLAH but on a scale of 1-5 in Blahness a 2 is today! ROFL! I actually slept till 0945 which actually screwed me up as I wanted to go down and try AGAIN with FCS and getting Medicaid and food stamps and all the other crap I “deserve” after paying in since 1970 when I got my first real paycheck! I didn’t do anything till I went for my treatment and got to meet with Dr. Helen Kim the other oncologist as Dr. Nathan was off today! After listening to me she decided that would not get my Amifostine again today! Again, after drinking enough water to float a bass boat! I now know that the ringing in my ears is from the chemo and should stop in a few more days then I get to go through it again in July! I also get to drink that Phillips Milk of Magnesia! OHHHHOOOO nasty! But if it’ll help I’ve got it to do!
And of course a ride on the bike is so calming! Until I got home that is!
In the mail box was a letter from FCS about my food stamps. I do not freaking believe this, I am UNELIGABLE for them! Hell if you make $150.00 a month no one is eligible it appears unless you speak Spanish and weren’t born in the USA! So now I get to go down and make a white middle class/aged ass of my self in a place set up for the underprivileged! WTF am I? This is going to go over like a lead balloon! I have the same feelings about some government services as my father did! I was BORN here! I WORKED almost every day of my life (except when I didn’t want to and didn’t take any unemployment checks or government help!) and now when I NEED help I can’t get it! Gimmie a break! It’s not like I can’t get my skinny ass off of the couch or stop dropping babies, or doing drugs, I just need to keep my family alive while this disease runs it course and I get back to work like a GOOD AMERICAN! I guess I’d better go armed as I just might piss off a few Mexican Americans or illegals or God only knows who now who knows how to work the system better than an American and have to protect myself!
Now that I’ve gotten my blood pressure up I’ll go take a relaxing shower and see what tomorrow brings!
06/24/2008 Tuesday
I got up and went down to the FCS in beautiful downtown Springfield Missouri. Oh what a waste of time! Way to many people and not enough time in my life so I got back on the bike and rode to Lebanon, MO. a little town about 55 miles east of here to pick up a copy of the shop manual for my Shadow. Only $15 plus the $7.26 in gas! ROFLMAO! 110 miles is now calculated in the tens of freakin dollars! Gimmie a break! Glad I kept the speed down to a manageable 80mph or it would have cost more!
I make it back home and look through my new treasure and eat a bit and I kiss Barb good bye and head to the Center.
I go through the BP and temp and talk to DR Kim and he decides that 1 more day with out the shots will be ok and then off to see Denise the oral hygienist. She looks and pokes, a little concerned about the apparent dryness of my mouth and make sure I’m doing the baking soda and salt 4 or 5 times a day and I assure that I wouldn’t miss a second of that nastiness for the world! It is nasty but knowing that my immune system will be turning into something like a 5 year olds at a day care center, has me a little on the scared side! I do not want to get sick! I wash my hands as much as possible and carry a few handy wipes in my pockets! I don’t care what anyone thinks!
I go in to wait for the machine to open up when in walks a very beautiful young lady! Oh yeah! Blonde and blue! And yes the BP went up a few points!
She goes to the desk and I’ll be darned, she a patient also!
She comes in and sits for a few minutes and talks to Beki the nurse then come over and sits with me at the jigsaw puzzle table.
BP went up a few more points then! Yep, the ol heart is pumping good now!
Any way her name is Laura, 28 and from the DC area but it took MISSOURI doctors to diagnose her with cervical cancer! Go figure! Who says they’re the best in the big cities! She’s so bubbly and sweet! I hope and pray this young lady has a wonderfully long life and someday some great guy comes along takes good care of her! Having had some surgery to remove a grapefruit sized tumor and standard radiation AND I think she’s had 2 chemo’s which she will get weekly. Being that smiley and bubbly is a pleasure! She’ll do great! She is now going to be there with me to get her Tomo Therapy! How lucky can I get! LOL
We talk till Tammy calls me back and I get my daily dose of rads and as I head out I tell Laura bye and get on the bike and head home.
06/25/2008 Wednesday
I wake up and old Mr. Tired is waiting for me. I drug ass around till time to go for treatment. I get there get my shots from Donna and this time they were in the arms and man I tell you they HURT! Itty bitty tiny needle hurt in the back of the arm! I tell Donna I hate her with a laugh and go in and wait for them to call me. My new friend Laura hasn’t shown up yet and they call me to head on back. When Tammy unsnapped me from the table I just didn’t want to move for a minute. I felt drained. She helps me up and I shuffle to my shirt and get dressed and leave looking at the bathroom as I walk by. I don’t need to go in there ….yet… and go on up to the bike and actually lay my head on my arms as I drape myself over the handle bars to rest for a minute from the 100 yard marathon I just walked!
I get home, water a couple of plants and go inside and at 5:15 I’m in hugging Johnny! And stayed on the couch for a couple of hours after that! I felt like crap! Throwing up like that should have been the by product of a “nasty girl party” back in GA! I know I gave up “drinking” years ago but still, I very seldom hurled like that! I had to be mixing everything in the bar to get that bad! I swear! Tiny little shot did me in like that! Geeze Louise I could loose my “Turtle” status for something like that! Last night I actually slept for 6 freakin hours straight and that is a record for the past 2 weeks! So I guess it was worth it ….a little!
06/26/2008 Thursday
I get back to FCS and spend several hours there and wishing I was dead! I felt like crap all day today! I mean I know it’s against the law to feel this bad and be standing up! AND I’m in a government building to boot! Get a picture of this! My Dads LHFAO looking down on me right now!
I fill out a few more forms and get a few phone umbers I need to try for more help and go home. I’m falling behind on my water intake and I really don’t care! No chit I DON”T care! I want to just give this up! My mouth is num and my ears are ringing all the time to where I want to gouge them out! I catch myself walking in a damn shuffle like an OLD FUCKING MAN! I can’t stand it! I actually walked out of the FCS office on the square and as I was walking to where the bike was I STOPPED and looked up to see how much father I had to go like you see little old 80 year old men do! I looked at my reflection in the window of the bar I was walking by and I swear I looked that freaking old! OK, Brain Dead straighten your back and put 1 foot in front of the other and WALK dumb ass!
I get on and actually make it home in 1 piece and tell Barb what went on and that NOW she has to get a doctors note saying 1) she has to find a job. Or 2) she has a medical problem that keeps her from working or 3) she has to get a doctors note saying she has to be home to take care of me!
WTF ever happened to the unity of the family when the MAN worked, the WOMAN stayed home and took care of the house and kids (and if even one of you pop up and say male chauvinist pig I’ll track you down and split your ass like a pig!)
With all of the “unemployed” out there she has to find a job? ROFLMAO! WHERE? In THIS town! Hell we’re at 5% unemployment and I don’t see these zillionaires building any factories to bring in jobs! OH, Sure in Indonesia, CHINA or Mexico but here! I’ll keep on typing when I get off of the floor from laughing my ass down to it!
Anyway That puts her in a bad mood and mine isn’t clearing up much at all and I finally kiss her by and go down to St. Johns.
I drag my tired butt in and I guess it shows when the elevator doors open and (I’ll be darned if I can think of her name behind the desk) looks at me and asks if I’m all right? I look at her and tell her if I look that bad call the ambulance! I go back and as much as I love being the center of attention from a group of wonderful women THIS isn’t how I want it! I explain what happened yesterday and then again to Dr. Kim and well no shot today but I’ll be in at 1130 tomorrow at the main entrance so they can stuff 2 liters of saline in me the easy way! GREAT another full day in the hospital! Just what the doctor ordered!
I do get to see Laura and meet her mother. Laura had another chemo today and the poor thing looked totaled! Pale and no hint of the bubbly person I met the other day. Chemo will do that, but when she smiled she was there! It will brighten up a room if you’re not careful!
I go in and get done and say bye to everyone and head home. I still have no appetite and what Barb put in front of me looked great and smelled wonderful! Snow peas and diced potatoes with dried tomatoes and a salmon cake but I got half of it down gave up and ate ice cream for the calories as my sense of taste is going really fast! Cardboard had as much flavor even though my nose was telling me different! I’ll head to bed in a few minutes after I get my FAG bag ready for a 4 or 5 hour sit in at the hospital!
06/27/2008 FRIDAY
I made it down to the hospital today and as I pulled into the slot dumb ass dropped his bike! NO CHIT! Right on the right side! I stood there looking at it like, “well, you going to stand up now or later?” I manage to get it upright and look around to see if anyone saw and of course when you pick a spot in the front you get seen and I bet security has already pulled the videos and put it on You Tube! If anyone sees it let me know and send a link so I can be COMPLETELY embarrassed and not just completely as I felt then! ROFLMAO!
I grab my bag and head to the 4th floor to the outpatient section where I get to sit for 4 hours getting a couple of bags of fluids pumped in! It helped a lot as I felt better when I went out and rode over to the Cancer Canter where Jennifer does her thing with the needles in the belly! I get zapped and head home and lay down for a couple of hours as this crap still made me feel a little unsettled with that feeling in the top of the stomach. Barb has made a big bowl of Butter beans with diced potatoes and onion and at my request a pan of corn bread, as nothing goes better with butter beans than hot, buttered, cornbread! Yum, Yum! I ate 5 or 6 bites and a whole slice of the corn bread and that’s it! DAMN! Looks like ensure again tonight! Well it is
TGIF!
And I get the weekend off! So maybe tomorrow the effects of the shots will have worn off, so I’ll try again with the beans and cornbread but man this is a pisser! I know that my mouth is starting to feel like leather and I woke up this morning feeling like I smoked a pound of pot without the high it was so dry, but this is starting to get old so damn fast! I’m not ready for this as much as I thought and it’s really depressing.
There was another guy on the 4th floor with me, a paraplegic who is about 39. A really big kid at 6’1” and confined to a wheel chair due to an aneurism in his lower abdomen! He was telling me that he was about to give it all up because he couldn’t do anything and because of the antibiotics he is getting IVed every day he had diarrhea so bad and the embarrassment he goes thru with his girlfriend because of the messes. They both woke up this morning wishing they both had a gun! I guess I have it lucky! And the sad thing is I could SEE it in his eyes as he told me! I pray that I don’t see his name in the papers I really do!
Me I know I don’t want to go through this again! I just hope this is the only time, as I know I can’t do this again! It’s not in me to drag out something like this more than once. As long as it (this cancer) took to get to this point I’ll be 73 and will have done a full life! I know Jerry will be on the road of life and Barbara should be ok by then too. My sister, I know will be with Tommy and our older brother Brad will have passed by then if he lasts as long as mom and all of her sisters! Carol will be alone from her side of the family but she has so many friends that will keep her spirits up and Carol is the strongest woman I know! She’ll throw a going away party for me and Kathy, Jeannie, Vicki, Joy and all the rest will do me out in style! I’ll be there on the wall watching! Even if they are all in wheel chairs! I just hope Tommy still has the Big Green Egg going and burns a steak in sacrifice for me!
Now who sounds so defeatist! This inconvenience in my life is getting to be a freaking inconvenience and I can’t stand it!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Chapter 10
Chapter 10
This week has been ok in a couple of ways but harder to handle in others.
I get in for my shots Monday and everything is fine when I’m finally finished on the machine. I believe that the reason I was getting sick from them was I misunderstood how much water I had to drink! It turns out at LEAST 1 liter but try for more every 24 hours not from the time I woke up to my 3:15 shots! BIG relief! But Tuesday my BP was like 94/67 and that was a little low and no shots for that day so I only had my radiation treatment and went home. I am noticing that the top of my mouth is really sore and feels like it’s producing a paste worse than what pot ever did! I swear I can’t even spit now as 1, my throat is pretty sore and 2 the paste is so thick I couldn’t if I tried! I’ll talk to Dr. Kim tomorrow and see what he thinks.
Wednesday I forgot to turn the ringer up on my cell and when I go t look I have a call from Jeannie a dear friend from back home! She’s one of 3 girls who were my baby sister’s best friends. If you saw 1 of them the other 3 were just around the corner! Jeanie lost her husband of something like 25 years last summer. It was a blow to all of us when Jerry passed. He was so full of life and had started a business up around Georgia and Alabama selling his secret recipe of boiled peanuts. For those of you not from the south boiled peanuts are actually really good! And some of the different tastes are the same as going to New York City and eating hotdogs at different venues! Totally different and fantastic! He was up and coming after giving most of his life to law enforcement in Douglas County and then with the GBI. He had started off working for Kathi Lee’s dad Sheriff Earl Lee in the radio room as a dispatcher and worked himself all the way up to the ranks of the Georgia Bureau of Investigation! They found him after having had a brain aneurism burst and he just didn’t make it. He left behind Jeannie and a couple of children who thankfully were almost all grown. Anyway Jeannie and I talk for a half an hour and that really perked me up for a while until I get down to the Center where I get in and see a young lady in the waiting room and mistook her for 1 of Sandies daughters. But lo and behold she’s a friend of Laura and she’s a cancer survivor also! Most of us will carry a horizontal scar on our right (left looking at us) chest and on women it will be just above the start of the swell of the breast. It’s about 1 ½ to 2” long. When you see this scar smile and ask them if they are a survivor and watch their beaming smile and the happy “Yes I am!” reply! We talked for a few minutes and Laura comes out looking a little nauseous from her treatment but her session lasts longer than mine. Poor thing, BUT it seems that research is showing that women with cervical cancer will respond better and have a better prognosis if another surgery is done. I hope it’s true! The world would be such a smaller place without Laura! I hope everyone says a prayer for her! And tomorrow also, as she gets her weekly chemo treatment! Give her strength, Lord, for her to smile when she’s done- Amen.
I go on back and get my shots and talk to Nurse Jennifer, but I did have to talk about one of the other nurses to her. No names but one nurse who gave me shots last Thursday shakes really bad! And she plunges a little to fast with the Amifostiate. That’s why my arms still feel like I’ve been lifting weights! She also gave me my shot Monday and scared me to death as I could see her as she gave my shots in the belly! I’m not supposed to tighten up with these but damn I couldn’t help it! No wonder I’m so freakin sore! I’m sorry but she can stay away from me with the needles! I also see Dr. Kim and when he looked in my mouth he asked me if I was taking anything for the pain and I told him I wasn’t except for extra strength Tylenol and he said that I had to be in a little more pain than that. I confessed that I was hurting and as he told me, being in pain was my body telling me that I had to do something about it and that it would only prolong my recovery! GREAT, what I need to hear! So now I am on Tylenol 3 with codeine. And my Riding and driving days are now at an end! F*&K! Not what I wanted to hear! I don’t drink and drive due to my CDL license and I damn sure won’t drive while on codeine based drugs! I get my shots and wait for Stephanie to call me for my round in the machine! I finish go to Dillions and get my “meds” and take the long way home on the bike. I pull her into the garage and sit there listening to her tick and click as she cools down, tears actually coming out of my eyes as I think “Man, it’s only 3 weeks dude and this freaking nightmare will be over! You can last that long without a ride!” I get off and sit in the camp chair watching a young robin hop around as it learns to feed it’s self and I tip a flower pot sitting next to me over and grab a worm before it can get back underground and toss it to her. She looks at it for a minute and hops away! Leaving that big ol juicy worm wiggling around in the grass! Another older robin swoops in and grabs it and the next thing I know I’m talking to the youngster telling it not to look a gift horse in the mouth! I know there’s a moral in there somewhere but I fail to see it and wonder why I even wrote it! DUH!
It’s spaghetti night and I love spaghetti and take one bite and well that’s another meal that I can’t do and Barbara makes me a bowl of chicken noodle soup! I also tell her that She’s going to have to start taking me to treatments and well she isn’t a happy camper about that wanting to know why I can’t drive and I tell her, OK no problem and when I get a DUI and can’t do my line of work any more I’ll pay what bills I can working at a convenience store or I could deliver pizzas off of the back of a bicycle! That shut her up pretty quick as I think she realizes that she still doesn’t hear me complain about any pain I might be in and the most she ever hears out of me are moans at night when I roll over and now when I swallow! I never did like to complain and I guess the most I do in these journal pages. I guess I just want anyone who finds out they have cancer that they can read these silly words of wisdom as some friendly advice and a guide should they want to!
Thursday 07/03/2008
I fell asleep in my sons little baby san chair last night while I watched him play WOW. He woke me at 4:45 and had to help his old man out of the stupid thing! Note to self; HEY STUPID, NOT IN THAT CHAIR! Thank god the Dr made me get that pain killer! It helped! And no I’m not ROFLMAO because I wouldn’t be able to get of the damn floor! I woke up as Barb was heading out the door to take Brian to work and came in to the bathroom and had to use my baking soda and salt to kill some of the pain in my mouth. The roof of my mouth feels like the roof on the house! Really rough now like sand paper. I finish and go get a cup of coffee and take a few sips and well I guess I can let it cool down and put it in my feeding tube. I think my eating days are at an end. I do two cans of whatever is in my “basket” in the bathroom for a total of 705 calories to start my day off. It’s not scrambled eggs and bacon but it’ll keep me fueled till “lunch” when I might “treat” my self with a chocolate equate! HMMM glad I can’t taste through the tube as chocolate flavored baby formula does NOT appeal to me as that’s what all of these canned “specialty” foods smell like!
At least I did get my ice cream down last night! If I can’t do my milk shakes and ice cream I just might go over the deep end! What’s life without ice cream?
About the basket I mentioned earlier. Barb went to Hobby Lobby and found these rectangular baskets that are partitioned into different sized compartments that hold all of my tape and gauzes for my peg and my syringes for my feeding tube and all of my meds
I’m still a tad bit upset about having to do the pain killer and I think I have a solution to trying to ride and not get a DUI. I’m going to set my times to correspond with my treatment times so that when I leave the house it’ll be late enough in the cycle that it won’t affect me. I will be sure to stay alert with a Boost before I leave but if I find I do wander then I’ll throw in the towel and not ride or drive. I can’t afford to drive the pick up truck and Barb needs the car to get Brian and I guess we will have to fall back on the plan for her to take me, drop me off and come back after getting Brian.
Anyway it’s another problem to figure out like the one right now about mixing equal parts of meds to make a mouthwash and I have different measurements on the bottles. Ounces and milliliters! ARRRRGGGG! Where is this freaking going to lead next! Crap, when in doubt ask a doctor! LOL
Thursday 07/03/2008
It was a wonderful day I slept in and woke to a quiet house as Barb had taken Brian to work and then to Wally World. I drink about half a cup of coffee and decide I really don’t want any more till this inconvenience is OVER! Wait did I just type that! Yep and those of you who know me not wanting coffee is like a drunk not wanting Ripple! I guess stranger things have happened on this planet and it won’t start turning backwards because of me not wanting coffee! It’s just that my throat is so sore now I don’t want to even open my mouth! I read the paper and what’s on line and also go to the VA site and keep on filling out the seemingly endless government forms and get ready to go to the center for another round of abuse!
I get my shots and hit the table and as soon as Stephanie unsnapped me I dive for the trash can! I hold it for a minute and nothing happens so I pull my shirt on grab my helmet and head on home. Yes, I rode my bike and yes it helped my mood! I didn’t feel or should say don’t feel woozy from the Tylenol 3 yet so I feel safe to ride but that will not last long as T3 really isn’t cutting the mustard in killing the pain in my mouth. Dr. Kim said it would get bad but I didn’t think this freaking bad! The thought of a harder pain med scares me as I went through a morphine addiction that my Uncle Sam got me hooked on from an accident on Okiwaniwa many years ago which I had to kick and that wasn’t fun at all! Hence the fear of pain meds!
I come home and Barb cooks my new favorite dinner, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and I dive in and get a few bites down and… you guessed it, the noodles are to hard to swallow! DAMN! Well the broth is fine and I drink it without the Ritz crackers as THEY aren’t going down to smoothly even soft from a soaking in the broth. Not as many calories in the broth alone but it does stimulate the taste buds and anything to keep my quality of life up is highly needed! I’m wondering if I can get a prescription for pot! Maybe I can fuzz my way through the next 3 weeks!
So, anyway, next to no food went down my throat and won’t till the radiation is done and the damage is repaired when my white blood cell count picks back up. I’ve had 6 cans of different formulas today and the burps really taste bad! I apologized to every baby I ever burped in my life who was fed baby formula and I pounded on their backs to MAKE them burp! LOL I just hope I get another coupon like the one I got from Lone Star Steak House as because as soon as I can chew I’m there for the Cajun sirloin! Flavor and MEAT!
07/04/2008
Friday 4th of July
Well it’s a REAL day off for me! I have no kind of Dr’s appt or will I even think of going! I’m relaxing today and getting ready to go to Powell, Mo. on a send off mission for PO1 David Cummings, USN by the Patriot Guard Riders. It’ll be about a total of 280 miles by the time I get back and it shouldn’t be to hard for me to do. The weather says intermittent t storms so I shouldn’t get wet but yes dear I’ll pack the rain suit that I bought in Tn. last July when I came back from my sister’s house!
I didn’t go to watch the fireworks tonight as Jerry went to spend the night at one of his friends house but I can see the show from here or actually the higher flying of the rockets and I did get to see most of the aircraft that flew over the show as I’m just south of the underground where the show is held and the smaller aircraft come out of the small airport north of me. I did see the Army Golden Knights do their stuff until they got below my tree line and they are just as impressive as they were back in 1985 when I interviewed them when I was working for my dad as a radio DJ at the station he owned for a while. I went to bed early as I need to rest for my trip tomorrow.
Saturday
I get up and turn the computer on and go out to get the paper and I can’t believe it! There is a line of thunderstorms coming out of Oklahoma and Kansas and the stupid thing is along my proposed route with the worst of the stuff over the town of Powell, Mo. where I need to go! Well maybe I can get around most of it and put my bag on the bike and head out for this mission which will be the last one I’ll be able to go on or actually on a “longer run” mission. I’ll still be able to make any that are at home or really close by if the times don’t interfere with my treatments.
I get on the road and as I’m getting out I44 to my exit I’ve been watching the thunderheads as they grow to their 50,000’ height and I know I’m going to get more than a little wet but I’m pretty certain I made the right choice on the route as I’m going between 2 of them and the line is off to my SW BUT where I need to head! I hit my exit and I stop at the Missouri Jumps airfield where they do a lot of sky diving and put my rain suit on now instead of waiting till it does rain as you get wet and I don’t need to get wet! But dummy left the shield sitting on the shelf and forgot to put it in my bag! DUAH!
I get almost to Monett when the bottom falls out of the clouds and I think I see people building an ark! I’ve ridden in hard rain before but this was a frog choker! I stop at the little truck stop in Monett and sit for a few minutes and as it starts to lighten up where I was sitting what I saw to my SW was anything BUT lighter! 2 Thunder heads were down there and I had to go there and it was nothing but BLACK down there! Well I can’t sit any longer as I gave myself an extra 45 minutes lead time on this and I’m now down to 25 minutes so I try again.
I get south of the town of PURDY, Mo. And stop in the driveway of the Longview Methodist Church and as I look at my watch, the 30 mph I was driving because I couldn’t see a thing due to the heavey raid really hurt me and then it really got bad as the lightening started hitting all around me and it started to hail pea sized hail. I get off of the bike and go stand on the front porch of the church and I know that this mission for me was a bust. I will not make the kick stands up call and I look at the churches sign out next to the road I sat a prayer for the young man about to head over to the sand box to help fight in this war for peace in the middle east. I pray that he returns home to family that he is leaving behind and I pray that he comes home with all of the parts in all of the right places and then I ask that I make it home without getting sick as I have a family to take care of also. He answered my prayers as I made it home in one piece and wash and polish the bike before I put it up in the garage.
The rest of my weekend went ok and Monday will be here before I know it! I hope you all reading my journal had a great 4th of July!
This week has been ok in a couple of ways but harder to handle in others.
I get in for my shots Monday and everything is fine when I’m finally finished on the machine. I believe that the reason I was getting sick from them was I misunderstood how much water I had to drink! It turns out at LEAST 1 liter but try for more every 24 hours not from the time I woke up to my 3:15 shots! BIG relief! But Tuesday my BP was like 94/67 and that was a little low and no shots for that day so I only had my radiation treatment and went home. I am noticing that the top of my mouth is really sore and feels like it’s producing a paste worse than what pot ever did! I swear I can’t even spit now as 1, my throat is pretty sore and 2 the paste is so thick I couldn’t if I tried! I’ll talk to Dr. Kim tomorrow and see what he thinks.
Wednesday I forgot to turn the ringer up on my cell and when I go t look I have a call from Jeannie a dear friend from back home! She’s one of 3 girls who were my baby sister’s best friends. If you saw 1 of them the other 3 were just around the corner! Jeanie lost her husband of something like 25 years last summer. It was a blow to all of us when Jerry passed. He was so full of life and had started a business up around Georgia and Alabama selling his secret recipe of boiled peanuts. For those of you not from the south boiled peanuts are actually really good! And some of the different tastes are the same as going to New York City and eating hotdogs at different venues! Totally different and fantastic! He was up and coming after giving most of his life to law enforcement in Douglas County and then with the GBI. He had started off working for Kathi Lee’s dad Sheriff Earl Lee in the radio room as a dispatcher and worked himself all the way up to the ranks of the Georgia Bureau of Investigation! They found him after having had a brain aneurism burst and he just didn’t make it. He left behind Jeannie and a couple of children who thankfully were almost all grown. Anyway Jeannie and I talk for a half an hour and that really perked me up for a while until I get down to the Center where I get in and see a young lady in the waiting room and mistook her for 1 of Sandies daughters. But lo and behold she’s a friend of Laura and she’s a cancer survivor also! Most of us will carry a horizontal scar on our right (left looking at us) chest and on women it will be just above the start of the swell of the breast. It’s about 1 ½ to 2” long. When you see this scar smile and ask them if they are a survivor and watch their beaming smile and the happy “Yes I am!” reply! We talked for a few minutes and Laura comes out looking a little nauseous from her treatment but her session lasts longer than mine. Poor thing, BUT it seems that research is showing that women with cervical cancer will respond better and have a better prognosis if another surgery is done. I hope it’s true! The world would be such a smaller place without Laura! I hope everyone says a prayer for her! And tomorrow also, as she gets her weekly chemo treatment! Give her strength, Lord, for her to smile when she’s done- Amen.
I go on back and get my shots and talk to Nurse Jennifer, but I did have to talk about one of the other nurses to her. No names but one nurse who gave me shots last Thursday shakes really bad! And she plunges a little to fast with the Amifostiate. That’s why my arms still feel like I’ve been lifting weights! She also gave me my shot Monday and scared me to death as I could see her as she gave my shots in the belly! I’m not supposed to tighten up with these but damn I couldn’t help it! No wonder I’m so freakin sore! I’m sorry but she can stay away from me with the needles! I also see Dr. Kim and when he looked in my mouth he asked me if I was taking anything for the pain and I told him I wasn’t except for extra strength Tylenol and he said that I had to be in a little more pain than that. I confessed that I was hurting and as he told me, being in pain was my body telling me that I had to do something about it and that it would only prolong my recovery! GREAT, what I need to hear! So now I am on Tylenol 3 with codeine. And my Riding and driving days are now at an end! F*&K! Not what I wanted to hear! I don’t drink and drive due to my CDL license and I damn sure won’t drive while on codeine based drugs! I get my shots and wait for Stephanie to call me for my round in the machine! I finish go to Dillions and get my “meds” and take the long way home on the bike. I pull her into the garage and sit there listening to her tick and click as she cools down, tears actually coming out of my eyes as I think “Man, it’s only 3 weeks dude and this freaking nightmare will be over! You can last that long without a ride!” I get off and sit in the camp chair watching a young robin hop around as it learns to feed it’s self and I tip a flower pot sitting next to me over and grab a worm before it can get back underground and toss it to her. She looks at it for a minute and hops away! Leaving that big ol juicy worm wiggling around in the grass! Another older robin swoops in and grabs it and the next thing I know I’m talking to the youngster telling it not to look a gift horse in the mouth! I know there’s a moral in there somewhere but I fail to see it and wonder why I even wrote it! DUH!
It’s spaghetti night and I love spaghetti and take one bite and well that’s another meal that I can’t do and Barbara makes me a bowl of chicken noodle soup! I also tell her that She’s going to have to start taking me to treatments and well she isn’t a happy camper about that wanting to know why I can’t drive and I tell her, OK no problem and when I get a DUI and can’t do my line of work any more I’ll pay what bills I can working at a convenience store or I could deliver pizzas off of the back of a bicycle! That shut her up pretty quick as I think she realizes that she still doesn’t hear me complain about any pain I might be in and the most she ever hears out of me are moans at night when I roll over and now when I swallow! I never did like to complain and I guess the most I do in these journal pages. I guess I just want anyone who finds out they have cancer that they can read these silly words of wisdom as some friendly advice and a guide should they want to!
Thursday 07/03/2008
I fell asleep in my sons little baby san chair last night while I watched him play WOW. He woke me at 4:45 and had to help his old man out of the stupid thing! Note to self; HEY STUPID, NOT IN THAT CHAIR! Thank god the Dr made me get that pain killer! It helped! And no I’m not ROFLMAO because I wouldn’t be able to get of the damn floor! I woke up as Barb was heading out the door to take Brian to work and came in to the bathroom and had to use my baking soda and salt to kill some of the pain in my mouth. The roof of my mouth feels like the roof on the house! Really rough now like sand paper. I finish and go get a cup of coffee and take a few sips and well I guess I can let it cool down and put it in my feeding tube. I think my eating days are at an end. I do two cans of whatever is in my “basket” in the bathroom for a total of 705 calories to start my day off. It’s not scrambled eggs and bacon but it’ll keep me fueled till “lunch” when I might “treat” my self with a chocolate equate! HMMM glad I can’t taste through the tube as chocolate flavored baby formula does NOT appeal to me as that’s what all of these canned “specialty” foods smell like!
At least I did get my ice cream down last night! If I can’t do my milk shakes and ice cream I just might go over the deep end! What’s life without ice cream?
About the basket I mentioned earlier. Barb went to Hobby Lobby and found these rectangular baskets that are partitioned into different sized compartments that hold all of my tape and gauzes for my peg and my syringes for my feeding tube and all of my meds
I’m still a tad bit upset about having to do the pain killer and I think I have a solution to trying to ride and not get a DUI. I’m going to set my times to correspond with my treatment times so that when I leave the house it’ll be late enough in the cycle that it won’t affect me. I will be sure to stay alert with a Boost before I leave but if I find I do wander then I’ll throw in the towel and not ride or drive. I can’t afford to drive the pick up truck and Barb needs the car to get Brian and I guess we will have to fall back on the plan for her to take me, drop me off and come back after getting Brian.
Anyway it’s another problem to figure out like the one right now about mixing equal parts of meds to make a mouthwash and I have different measurements on the bottles. Ounces and milliliters! ARRRRGGGG! Where is this freaking going to lead next! Crap, when in doubt ask a doctor! LOL
Thursday 07/03/2008
It was a wonderful day I slept in and woke to a quiet house as Barb had taken Brian to work and then to Wally World. I drink about half a cup of coffee and decide I really don’t want any more till this inconvenience is OVER! Wait did I just type that! Yep and those of you who know me not wanting coffee is like a drunk not wanting Ripple! I guess stranger things have happened on this planet and it won’t start turning backwards because of me not wanting coffee! It’s just that my throat is so sore now I don’t want to even open my mouth! I read the paper and what’s on line and also go to the VA site and keep on filling out the seemingly endless government forms and get ready to go to the center for another round of abuse!
I get my shots and hit the table and as soon as Stephanie unsnapped me I dive for the trash can! I hold it for a minute and nothing happens so I pull my shirt on grab my helmet and head on home. Yes, I rode my bike and yes it helped my mood! I didn’t feel or should say don’t feel woozy from the Tylenol 3 yet so I feel safe to ride but that will not last long as T3 really isn’t cutting the mustard in killing the pain in my mouth. Dr. Kim said it would get bad but I didn’t think this freaking bad! The thought of a harder pain med scares me as I went through a morphine addiction that my Uncle Sam got me hooked on from an accident on Okiwaniwa many years ago which I had to kick and that wasn’t fun at all! Hence the fear of pain meds!
I come home and Barb cooks my new favorite dinner, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup and I dive in and get a few bites down and… you guessed it, the noodles are to hard to swallow! DAMN! Well the broth is fine and I drink it without the Ritz crackers as THEY aren’t going down to smoothly even soft from a soaking in the broth. Not as many calories in the broth alone but it does stimulate the taste buds and anything to keep my quality of life up is highly needed! I’m wondering if I can get a prescription for pot! Maybe I can fuzz my way through the next 3 weeks!
So, anyway, next to no food went down my throat and won’t till the radiation is done and the damage is repaired when my white blood cell count picks back up. I’ve had 6 cans of different formulas today and the burps really taste bad! I apologized to every baby I ever burped in my life who was fed baby formula and I pounded on their backs to MAKE them burp! LOL I just hope I get another coupon like the one I got from Lone Star Steak House as because as soon as I can chew I’m there for the Cajun sirloin! Flavor and MEAT!
07/04/2008
Friday 4th of July
Well it’s a REAL day off for me! I have no kind of Dr’s appt or will I even think of going! I’m relaxing today and getting ready to go to Powell, Mo. on a send off mission for PO1 David Cummings, USN by the Patriot Guard Riders. It’ll be about a total of 280 miles by the time I get back and it shouldn’t be to hard for me to do. The weather says intermittent t storms so I shouldn’t get wet but yes dear I’ll pack the rain suit that I bought in Tn. last July when I came back from my sister’s house!
I didn’t go to watch the fireworks tonight as Jerry went to spend the night at one of his friends house but I can see the show from here or actually the higher flying of the rockets and I did get to see most of the aircraft that flew over the show as I’m just south of the underground where the show is held and the smaller aircraft come out of the small airport north of me. I did see the Army Golden Knights do their stuff until they got below my tree line and they are just as impressive as they were back in 1985 when I interviewed them when I was working for my dad as a radio DJ at the station he owned for a while. I went to bed early as I need to rest for my trip tomorrow.
Saturday
I get up and turn the computer on and go out to get the paper and I can’t believe it! There is a line of thunderstorms coming out of Oklahoma and Kansas and the stupid thing is along my proposed route with the worst of the stuff over the town of Powell, Mo. where I need to go! Well maybe I can get around most of it and put my bag on the bike and head out for this mission which will be the last one I’ll be able to go on or actually on a “longer run” mission. I’ll still be able to make any that are at home or really close by if the times don’t interfere with my treatments.
I get on the road and as I’m getting out I44 to my exit I’ve been watching the thunderheads as they grow to their 50,000’ height and I know I’m going to get more than a little wet but I’m pretty certain I made the right choice on the route as I’m going between 2 of them and the line is off to my SW BUT where I need to head! I hit my exit and I stop at the Missouri Jumps airfield where they do a lot of sky diving and put my rain suit on now instead of waiting till it does rain as you get wet and I don’t need to get wet! But dummy left the shield sitting on the shelf and forgot to put it in my bag! DUAH!
I get almost to Monett when the bottom falls out of the clouds and I think I see people building an ark! I’ve ridden in hard rain before but this was a frog choker! I stop at the little truck stop in Monett and sit for a few minutes and as it starts to lighten up where I was sitting what I saw to my SW was anything BUT lighter! 2 Thunder heads were down there and I had to go there and it was nothing but BLACK down there! Well I can’t sit any longer as I gave myself an extra 45 minutes lead time on this and I’m now down to 25 minutes so I try again.
I get south of the town of PURDY, Mo. And stop in the driveway of the Longview Methodist Church and as I look at my watch, the 30 mph I was driving because I couldn’t see a thing due to the heavey raid really hurt me and then it really got bad as the lightening started hitting all around me and it started to hail pea sized hail. I get off of the bike and go stand on the front porch of the church and I know that this mission for me was a bust. I will not make the kick stands up call and I look at the churches sign out next to the road I sat a prayer for the young man about to head over to the sand box to help fight in this war for peace in the middle east. I pray that he returns home to family that he is leaving behind and I pray that he comes home with all of the parts in all of the right places and then I ask that I make it home without getting sick as I have a family to take care of also. He answered my prayers as I made it home in one piece and wash and polish the bike before I put it up in the garage.
The rest of my weekend went ok and Monday will be here before I know it! I hope you all reading my journal had a great 4th of July!
Chapter11
Chapter 11
07/07/2008 Monday
It’s a new week and also another week done! I’m starting week 4! I get out of bed early as I need to be at the center by 9am. I ‘eat’ 2 cans of Boost, clean up look at my beard and decide I don’t need to shave yet another day! I shaved last Friday in preparation for the sendoff of PO1 David Cummings and I “should” have HAD to shave today but it’s getting a little thin to say the least of my actually good looking beard! That’s when I notice that my moustache is also looking a little thin, as I reach up and gently tug, a couple of the hairs break off in my hand! NO! NO! NO! But, yes, it’s starting. My eye brows do the same thing and now it’s official! I’ll let my ‘stache ride as long as I can as I’ve had one for most of my adult life and I think I look funny without one and it also helps to hide the fact I’m not wearing my teeth until I can wear them without being in pain. Oh well I’ll just look the part of a toothless ol coot!
Anyway I go down to get my blood test before I start chemo and after they pull the blood I go back and wait for Dr. Holden to get in to see me. I go through the usual poke and prod BP ect. and then he comes in and we talk for a few minutes and the nurse comes in and hands him the results of my blood tests. He decides that due to a low white blood count and the constipation I will not get my chemo today and he’s going to take me off of Cisplatin, and onto another one that won’t kill off the white blood cells as badly and should make the ringing in my ears stop. OH PLEASE! That has been making me nuts for the last 2 weeks! He also gives me 2 new scripts for constipation and to keep me going regularly. One of them is called Magnesium citrate and is found on the bottom shelf at Wal-Mart. This stuff is Lethal! Works in ½ to 6 hours! DO NOT LEAVE the house after taking, as both Dr Holden and the pharmacist told me! I’m done and head home after stopping at Wally world for my meds and sit around while waiting for my next treatment.
I go back to the center and I see Jennifer and we do our usual dance routine of BP weight and then Dr Kim comes in and we decide that I don’t get my shots and I did learn that if my cell count had gotten down to 1.0 instead of the 1.1 I had I wouldn’t even get my radiation treatment! Oh, well, and wait for my treatment and then head home to take my laxatives!
On another note the young couple who lives 2 doors down bought my Honda scooter so that is a house payment we don’t have to worry about! Now to find the money tree to pay everything else coming in!
Tuesday
That warning I was given by the Dr. Holden and the pharmacist was a good warning! In my case it took 6 hours and then I got NO sleep! But I’m clean inside! But, it won’t stop! I mean I don’t even want to walk outside as movement makes every thing go down hill and when it moves it doesn’t even want to stop at the end and wait for me! I think I’ll duct tape the trash can to my butt so I can do something! I wanted to go so badly and now I don’t! LOL But this makes me think of the movie Dumb and Dumber when Carey gives his buddy that “Turbo Lax”! That’s how I felt! But now that it’s worked it’s way through I feel so much better! This stuff comes in a glass bottle and it fizzes with a lemony taste! I bet if you wanted to play a joke on someone this stuff mixed with Rum just might be a goodie! I bet my Brother in law could come up with a use! LOL
I do get my treatment with out a shot today and my day is pretty much spent at home as I don’t want to chance a walk around the block just yet.
I will say that when I was done I walked back out to the lobby where we have a TV and listened to Homer Simpson for a minute waiting for the elevator to arrive and as I hear it coming I turn and Dr. Kim is standing there in the door way and I wave at him in goodbye and he doesn’t look to awfully happy and a lady I haven’t seen is standing there and she sees me wave and turns to look at who it was and as she sees Dr. Kim she harrumphs a little but would not return his wave. I let her enter the elevator before me and she pushes the 1st floor button and I tell her that’s what I need also so I can get out of here till tomorrow. She asked me if I was being treated for cancer and I reply “yes” and she tells me in a pissed off voice. “Well, my husband died eight months ago and Dr. Kim killed him with radiation poising and I needed to come in and talk to him about it and get it off my chest!” and the doors opened and she plowed her way off and out the back doors of the building she goes! I’m standing there flabbergasted with about a million things I wanted to say to her but I really don’t think she would have heard me and to tell the truth I know some of you have been around on old planet Earth and you know a “Bitch” when she’s being one. I know that if her husband was being treated he needed to be. I do know that Dr. Kim is a fantastic doctor. I do believe that if her husband died it was because he was like me and procrastinated like me about going to a doctor and he died from the effects of cancer and not radiation! Yes the radiation can kill you but the amounts we get would take a lot longer than a few weeks! I just hope she has a long talk with God first before she does anything else like a law suit! It costs enough in cancer treatments without having to worry about that cost being added!
Wednesday
I wake up to the incessant sound of Barbara’s razor! That is an irritating way to wake up! I go in and give her a hug and then do my wake up routine of no coffee but go out side to get the newspaper and a walk around the “castle” to see how my plants are doing and to get my blood flowing a little. I go in and “eat” 2 cans of Boost and take my meds and dress in my usual jeans and black T-shirt. I call Dr. Nelson about my problems with my feeding tube and the nurse has me come in at 1300 to see the Doc. I get there and I have the usual nurse deal of the BP and vitals and in walks Dr. Nelson the guy who put in my feeding tube. He looks and the first thing he does is loosens the holding peg up a tad which helped right off and then explains that this stuff coming out of my belly around the feeding tube is what is called Granuloma (and from the medical on line dictionary the following!{Histiocytic, inflammatory response to a foreign body. It consists of modified macrophages with multinucleated giant cells, in this case foreign-body giant cells (GIANT CELLS, FOREIGN-BODY), usually surrounded by lymphocytes.}) It looks like what it sounds like! Really it does as it has a small vein in it and actually looks like the stuff around the bone of a pork chop after you fry it in a pan! I’m sorry but that’s what it looks like! He tells me he can cauterize it and I ask if he’s going to deaden it and he kind of looks at me and says that he doesn’t have anything to deaden it with and I ask him if he has any Lidocaine and he says, no he doesn’t! OK then, lets get it over with and so what he uses is a long Q-tip with an acid on it and for some reason I didn’t think to ask what it was but I can tell you it BURNED! Like an SOB it burned! He managed to burn about half of the thing off before I told him that was enough and I’d come back when and if it started hurting again! He did tell the nurse to order a bottle of Lidocaine “for this poor man” when I came back! Yah, right I’ll be back! When hell freezes over and pigs fly! I think I can last a few more weeks of this! And to think there are morons out there who actually go in for branding instead of tattoos! Whoo Boy! Not this dummy!
Anyway, I head home and tell Barbara what happened and listened to her freak out about the no Lidocaine deal and laugh about it a bit and wait until it’s time to go for my radiation treatment!
It’s time and I head out in the pickup as it’s looked like rain all day! I get to the center and go on down and see Donna as she takes my vitals and calls Dr. Kim in. He looks in my mouth and tells me I have a yeast infection in there! WTF! I thought that was a woman thing and well guess what! It ain’t! Well it kind of is, but the same kind of environment so he writes me a scrip for an antibiotic and I will not be taking any more shots this week until my labs come in next Monday when I go for chemo. I wanted to ask him about yesterday but decided I really wasn’t any of my business and walked down to get dosed again and to kill off a few more blood cells!
All done I head over to Wal-Mart and I try to call my baby sister but she’s busy doing those things a baby sister does at work! I walk in and hand my script to the pharmacist and he tells me it’ll be about 45 minutes! Oh really and I go back and buy a birthday card for a friends daughter who just turned 1 today and an anniversary card for Barbara. I go back up to the front of the store and sit on the bench waiting for them to call me when the lady I’m sitting next to stands up and looks at the line waiting to pick up their meds and exclaims “what a line that is”! I lean forwards and WOW! The stupid thing had about 30 people in it and I look at her and tell her we’d better get in that thing before it takes on a life of it’s own! I ask the girl behind the counter how much longer it would be on my meds and she checks and they aren’t done yet! No problem they should be by the time I get back to this counter they could make them by hand! We take our places at the end of the line and the lady in front of me tells us she hasn’t moved in 5 minutes! OH REALLY! I pull out my trusty cell dial 411 and get Wal-Mart on the line and I ask the girl for the manager. Karen came on and I politely tell her” I’m standing in the line for the pharmacy, and I’m so far back that I’m looking out the front door of the store and that they really need some help there as I was told 45 minutes on my prescription getting filled and that was about 30 minutes ago” I also informed her “There is only 1 girl bagging the meds up and running the counter and would you kindly PLEASE get some help back there!” She tells me she’ll check it out and about 2 minutes later the lady behind me asked me if it was Karen who I talked to and as I turned I see her running back to the register! I was thanked by almost everyone in the line for making the call! Hell I thought it was POLICY to open another register when there were more than a certain number of people in line at a Wal-mart!
Anyway 1 hour and 10 minutes later I’m walking out of the store, on the phone with my baby sister who called me back and I tell her about my wonderful day! She’ll read it in here also and laugh again after a few “you have to be kidding me’s” on the phone!
I get home eat a few more cans of Equate or Equal or what ever and finish this days journal up.
Thursday
I wake to the sound of the phone ringing and it’s Kim from Dr. Kim’s office (I know it’s confusing!) and she tells me she has my letters I need for everyone in the world so I can try again for food stamps, SSN, disability, and anything else I can get my greedy little hands on from MY government like all these illegal’s can get just for not speaking English! I’m about ready to get some brown shoe polish and a Moe wig and go down with a silly employers SSN and look at the person on the other side of the counter and say “no abla engleeshit” and see how THAT will work! Maybe they’ll give me money that way! I’m about to get started on this triad again so I’ll divert my self!
After finishing with her, I start my routine and when I look in the mirror I can see I lost a lot more from my moustache! That just bakes my cake! I’m already in a bad mood due to thinking about all of those forms I have to fill out again and sitting in that stupid office on the square looking at all the people who CAN freakin work but are to lazy to! Me, sterilize every single one of them and then send them to the fields to pick fruit! At least they will be working! And these babies having babies and then applying for benefits? Here we go again! Make the Dads PARENTS help to pay for the little darling! Maybe they’ll try harder with the use a freakin condom you little moron! If you can’t afford a condom you damn sure can’t afford a baby! Want me to get started on those little sweeties in Boston who were in the news lately? No I didn’t think so!
Where was I? OH, my ‘stashe is looking poorly! I really don’t want to cut it off and Barb looks at me and says I really need to. I look again and it looks like an old Chinese guys, white, real wispy and with the handle bars all out like they are blowing in the wind! I bet I’m loosing some of them every time I get on the bike from being blown in the wind! At least those hairs are dying a good death! LOL. No I’ll leave it on till I look like a mangy dog and when I start scaring little kids or make convenience store clerks reach for the phone THEN I’ll cut it off!
I head in and get my treatment for today and later I head to a funeral home to stand on a flag line for an old Navy vet who passed away the other day. I’m going on the mission tomorrow to escort him to the new Missouri Veterans Cemetery.
I get home from the flag line and I fill up on some cans of something or other, play on the computer for a while and head to bed. Later, I head to the bathroom because of the acid reflux I’ve been experiencing at night when asleep. I hate waking up when asleep to run in and hug Johnny! But I think I might know what it is and why but I won’t know till tomorrow night to be certain.
Friday
I wake at 1030 and go check the weather and see that my son got home from his friends house. I ask him if he would like to go on the escort mission with me and he say’s he will. Great as I do enjoy spending time with him and these days for me every second is like a minute as I want to soak up as much of my “baby” as I can and give him all the time he wants!
The schedule says to assemble at the American Legion post 639 and then we will motorcade to the funeral home but that was changed about the time Jerry and I left the house as when we got there, there was not a single motorcycle to be seen! Jerry and I walk in and the lady behind the bar says they are all ready at the funeral home and would be coming back by here (the post) for a ‘drive by” where George was a member and then on the cemetery from there and we could join up then. Jerry and I walk around to the helicopters they had out front, a Cobra and a Huey and this is the first time my son has seen these up close. There was a “sail” from a sub there and as I’m looking at the number 661 I keep thinking I’ve seem this number some where before. It wasn’t until I walk up and look at the plaque that I KNEW I knew it from somewhere. My older brother Brad served on her back in the 70’s! It was the Sail from the USS Lapon. I had even gone on board her for a tour when I went to visit him at Norfolk Naval Base just before he mustered out of the navy and I enlisted in the Army. I can tell you one thing. They ate well in the nukes! I went through the mess line and it was better than any church buffet! I swear it was fantastic! I kind of wished I had gone Navy! Better than eating “C” Rats any day of the week!
Anyway the motorcade showed up and Jerry and I join up and we had a memorable ride to the cemetery and Jerry got to see his first Military Veteran funeral. I still think when this cancer treatment is over and I get back on my feet I want to buy a bugle so I can learn the 5 notes to Taps and join “Buglers Across America” as the electronic type is so sad to listen to! I believe that every Member of every service should have a real bugle playing Taps at their funeral!
We finish and Jerry and I head on back home and I drink my lunch and head down for today’s radiation treatment but I’m really not feeling that well as I think the hour I spent in the heat was a little much for me. I get there and go in and talk with Dr. Kim about my pain meds as they really aren’t up to the task and he knew I’d be asking him for something different and now I’m on something a little stronger than Tylenol 3!
I head out of his office and I see my “girlfriend” Laura and she’s not looking to well. I ask her if her chemo went ok yesterday and she says yes and also introduces me to her father. I ask her why she’s still here and she goes into her “blonde” routine (which she does really well for a college professor!) Oh, well like I broke the machine, like wow!” Oh yeah as one of the techs come out and tells us it’s going to be about 15 minutes or so before we can get going so I head up stairs to get a signal on my cell and call home. 30 minutes later we’re still waiting and they come in and ask the 3 of us waiting if we want to stay until they figure out what’s going on or we can leave. Well Laura and I decide to leave and I haven’t introduced myself to the new guy who is a LOT younger than me so I don’t know his name yet says he’ll go to his cousins house and swim and they can call him at work when it’s up.
I go get my script filled and head home. I’m not home about 30 minutes and the phone rings. Dr. Kim wants to know if I wanted to come back in and get my treatment. No, I tell him, lets just add it to my last week and he’s ok with that.
My evening is pretty good until about 11:30 when my stomach tells me to get to the bathroom on the double and I barely make it and wind up sitting there until 4:15 when I can finally and safely get off the darn toilet and get a shower!
I finally drag myself to bed and sleep until 12:30!
Saturday
I get out of bed and start on my usual mourning routine. I do meds first then a can of whatever and another med and another can or whatever, this time a can of chocolate, a treat, if I could taste anything! I finish up with brushing my mouth with my baking soda wash. I can’t do salt for a while as it has been burning me to much but the baking soda will help to cut the film growing in my mouth and help kill this silly yeast infection! I’m done and then it all comes back up so fast that the sink is the closest thing there and what the heck it’s all liquid anyway and I’m the freaking Plummer of the house when home so use the stupid thing! I did and wished I hadn’t done the chocolate equate. To much caffeine and that’s it. There are a few cans and I’ll take the rest down to the center so someone else can use them.
I still have to wait for the next time I can do my pain meds as I’m not going to risk doing an overage on the dose and the laxative, well it CAN wait also after last night!
Barb, Jerry and I go down to Hobby Lobby and get a few things for me so I can work on an idea I have with this stupid feeding tube to get it out of the way. We also stop and get a card for a friend of Jerry’s birthday party and take him on over to his friends house. Wow we actually have the house to ourselves! I go out side to work on the gardens and she does a little house cleaning! Yeah, Cancer is such a PAIN IN THE ASS! Can’t do anything so why even try! ROFL!
I’m now working on this idea wishing I had a sewing machine but knowing I’d still screw up trying to use it but I can do this with a needle and thread!
07/07/2008 Monday
It’s a new week and also another week done! I’m starting week 4! I get out of bed early as I need to be at the center by 9am. I ‘eat’ 2 cans of Boost, clean up look at my beard and decide I don’t need to shave yet another day! I shaved last Friday in preparation for the sendoff of PO1 David Cummings and I “should” have HAD to shave today but it’s getting a little thin to say the least of my actually good looking beard! That’s when I notice that my moustache is also looking a little thin, as I reach up and gently tug, a couple of the hairs break off in my hand! NO! NO! NO! But, yes, it’s starting. My eye brows do the same thing and now it’s official! I’ll let my ‘stache ride as long as I can as I’ve had one for most of my adult life and I think I look funny without one and it also helps to hide the fact I’m not wearing my teeth until I can wear them without being in pain. Oh well I’ll just look the part of a toothless ol coot!
Anyway I go down to get my blood test before I start chemo and after they pull the blood I go back and wait for Dr. Holden to get in to see me. I go through the usual poke and prod BP ect. and then he comes in and we talk for a few minutes and the nurse comes in and hands him the results of my blood tests. He decides that due to a low white blood count and the constipation I will not get my chemo today and he’s going to take me off of Cisplatin, and onto another one that won’t kill off the white blood cells as badly and should make the ringing in my ears stop. OH PLEASE! That has been making me nuts for the last 2 weeks! He also gives me 2 new scripts for constipation and to keep me going regularly. One of them is called Magnesium citrate and is found on the bottom shelf at Wal-Mart. This stuff is Lethal! Works in ½ to 6 hours! DO NOT LEAVE the house after taking, as both Dr Holden and the pharmacist told me! I’m done and head home after stopping at Wally world for my meds and sit around while waiting for my next treatment.
I go back to the center and I see Jennifer and we do our usual dance routine of BP weight and then Dr Kim comes in and we decide that I don’t get my shots and I did learn that if my cell count had gotten down to 1.0 instead of the 1.1 I had I wouldn’t even get my radiation treatment! Oh, well, and wait for my treatment and then head home to take my laxatives!
On another note the young couple who lives 2 doors down bought my Honda scooter so that is a house payment we don’t have to worry about! Now to find the money tree to pay everything else coming in!
Tuesday
That warning I was given by the Dr. Holden and the pharmacist was a good warning! In my case it took 6 hours and then I got NO sleep! But I’m clean inside! But, it won’t stop! I mean I don’t even want to walk outside as movement makes every thing go down hill and when it moves it doesn’t even want to stop at the end and wait for me! I think I’ll duct tape the trash can to my butt so I can do something! I wanted to go so badly and now I don’t! LOL But this makes me think of the movie Dumb and Dumber when Carey gives his buddy that “Turbo Lax”! That’s how I felt! But now that it’s worked it’s way through I feel so much better! This stuff comes in a glass bottle and it fizzes with a lemony taste! I bet if you wanted to play a joke on someone this stuff mixed with Rum just might be a goodie! I bet my Brother in law could come up with a use! LOL
I do get my treatment with out a shot today and my day is pretty much spent at home as I don’t want to chance a walk around the block just yet.
I will say that when I was done I walked back out to the lobby where we have a TV and listened to Homer Simpson for a minute waiting for the elevator to arrive and as I hear it coming I turn and Dr. Kim is standing there in the door way and I wave at him in goodbye and he doesn’t look to awfully happy and a lady I haven’t seen is standing there and she sees me wave and turns to look at who it was and as she sees Dr. Kim she harrumphs a little but would not return his wave. I let her enter the elevator before me and she pushes the 1st floor button and I tell her that’s what I need also so I can get out of here till tomorrow. She asked me if I was being treated for cancer and I reply “yes” and she tells me in a pissed off voice. “Well, my husband died eight months ago and Dr. Kim killed him with radiation poising and I needed to come in and talk to him about it and get it off my chest!” and the doors opened and she plowed her way off and out the back doors of the building she goes! I’m standing there flabbergasted with about a million things I wanted to say to her but I really don’t think she would have heard me and to tell the truth I know some of you have been around on old planet Earth and you know a “Bitch” when she’s being one. I know that if her husband was being treated he needed to be. I do know that Dr. Kim is a fantastic doctor. I do believe that if her husband died it was because he was like me and procrastinated like me about going to a doctor and he died from the effects of cancer and not radiation! Yes the radiation can kill you but the amounts we get would take a lot longer than a few weeks! I just hope she has a long talk with God first before she does anything else like a law suit! It costs enough in cancer treatments without having to worry about that cost being added!
Wednesday
I wake up to the incessant sound of Barbara’s razor! That is an irritating way to wake up! I go in and give her a hug and then do my wake up routine of no coffee but go out side to get the newspaper and a walk around the “castle” to see how my plants are doing and to get my blood flowing a little. I go in and “eat” 2 cans of Boost and take my meds and dress in my usual jeans and black T-shirt. I call Dr. Nelson about my problems with my feeding tube and the nurse has me come in at 1300 to see the Doc. I get there and I have the usual nurse deal of the BP and vitals and in walks Dr. Nelson the guy who put in my feeding tube. He looks and the first thing he does is loosens the holding peg up a tad which helped right off and then explains that this stuff coming out of my belly around the feeding tube is what is called Granuloma (and from the medical on line dictionary the following!{Histiocytic, inflammatory response to a foreign body. It consists of modified macrophages with multinucleated giant cells, in this case foreign-body giant cells (GIANT CELLS, FOREIGN-BODY), usually surrounded by lymphocytes.}) It looks like what it sounds like! Really it does as it has a small vein in it and actually looks like the stuff around the bone of a pork chop after you fry it in a pan! I’m sorry but that’s what it looks like! He tells me he can cauterize it and I ask if he’s going to deaden it and he kind of looks at me and says that he doesn’t have anything to deaden it with and I ask him if he has any Lidocaine and he says, no he doesn’t! OK then, lets get it over with and so what he uses is a long Q-tip with an acid on it and for some reason I didn’t think to ask what it was but I can tell you it BURNED! Like an SOB it burned! He managed to burn about half of the thing off before I told him that was enough and I’d come back when and if it started hurting again! He did tell the nurse to order a bottle of Lidocaine “for this poor man” when I came back! Yah, right I’ll be back! When hell freezes over and pigs fly! I think I can last a few more weeks of this! And to think there are morons out there who actually go in for branding instead of tattoos! Whoo Boy! Not this dummy!
Anyway, I head home and tell Barbara what happened and listened to her freak out about the no Lidocaine deal and laugh about it a bit and wait until it’s time to go for my radiation treatment!
It’s time and I head out in the pickup as it’s looked like rain all day! I get to the center and go on down and see Donna as she takes my vitals and calls Dr. Kim in. He looks in my mouth and tells me I have a yeast infection in there! WTF! I thought that was a woman thing and well guess what! It ain’t! Well it kind of is, but the same kind of environment so he writes me a scrip for an antibiotic and I will not be taking any more shots this week until my labs come in next Monday when I go for chemo. I wanted to ask him about yesterday but decided I really wasn’t any of my business and walked down to get dosed again and to kill off a few more blood cells!
All done I head over to Wal-Mart and I try to call my baby sister but she’s busy doing those things a baby sister does at work! I walk in and hand my script to the pharmacist and he tells me it’ll be about 45 minutes! Oh really and I go back and buy a birthday card for a friends daughter who just turned 1 today and an anniversary card for Barbara. I go back up to the front of the store and sit on the bench waiting for them to call me when the lady I’m sitting next to stands up and looks at the line waiting to pick up their meds and exclaims “what a line that is”! I lean forwards and WOW! The stupid thing had about 30 people in it and I look at her and tell her we’d better get in that thing before it takes on a life of it’s own! I ask the girl behind the counter how much longer it would be on my meds and she checks and they aren’t done yet! No problem they should be by the time I get back to this counter they could make them by hand! We take our places at the end of the line and the lady in front of me tells us she hasn’t moved in 5 minutes! OH REALLY! I pull out my trusty cell dial 411 and get Wal-Mart on the line and I ask the girl for the manager. Karen came on and I politely tell her” I’m standing in the line for the pharmacy, and I’m so far back that I’m looking out the front door of the store and that they really need some help there as I was told 45 minutes on my prescription getting filled and that was about 30 minutes ago” I also informed her “There is only 1 girl bagging the meds up and running the counter and would you kindly PLEASE get some help back there!” She tells me she’ll check it out and about 2 minutes later the lady behind me asked me if it was Karen who I talked to and as I turned I see her running back to the register! I was thanked by almost everyone in the line for making the call! Hell I thought it was POLICY to open another register when there were more than a certain number of people in line at a Wal-mart!
Anyway 1 hour and 10 minutes later I’m walking out of the store, on the phone with my baby sister who called me back and I tell her about my wonderful day! She’ll read it in here also and laugh again after a few “you have to be kidding me’s” on the phone!
I get home eat a few more cans of Equate or Equal or what ever and finish this days journal up.
Thursday
I wake to the sound of the phone ringing and it’s Kim from Dr. Kim’s office (I know it’s confusing!) and she tells me she has my letters I need for everyone in the world so I can try again for food stamps, SSN, disability, and anything else I can get my greedy little hands on from MY government like all these illegal’s can get just for not speaking English! I’m about ready to get some brown shoe polish and a Moe wig and go down with a silly employers SSN and look at the person on the other side of the counter and say “no abla engleeshit” and see how THAT will work! Maybe they’ll give me money that way! I’m about to get started on this triad again so I’ll divert my self!
After finishing with her, I start my routine and when I look in the mirror I can see I lost a lot more from my moustache! That just bakes my cake! I’m already in a bad mood due to thinking about all of those forms I have to fill out again and sitting in that stupid office on the square looking at all the people who CAN freakin work but are to lazy to! Me, sterilize every single one of them and then send them to the fields to pick fruit! At least they will be working! And these babies having babies and then applying for benefits? Here we go again! Make the Dads PARENTS help to pay for the little darling! Maybe they’ll try harder with the use a freakin condom you little moron! If you can’t afford a condom you damn sure can’t afford a baby! Want me to get started on those little sweeties in Boston who were in the news lately? No I didn’t think so!
Where was I? OH, my ‘stashe is looking poorly! I really don’t want to cut it off and Barb looks at me and says I really need to. I look again and it looks like an old Chinese guys, white, real wispy and with the handle bars all out like they are blowing in the wind! I bet I’m loosing some of them every time I get on the bike from being blown in the wind! At least those hairs are dying a good death! LOL. No I’ll leave it on till I look like a mangy dog and when I start scaring little kids or make convenience store clerks reach for the phone THEN I’ll cut it off!
I head in and get my treatment for today and later I head to a funeral home to stand on a flag line for an old Navy vet who passed away the other day. I’m going on the mission tomorrow to escort him to the new Missouri Veterans Cemetery.
I get home from the flag line and I fill up on some cans of something or other, play on the computer for a while and head to bed. Later, I head to the bathroom because of the acid reflux I’ve been experiencing at night when asleep. I hate waking up when asleep to run in and hug Johnny! But I think I might know what it is and why but I won’t know till tomorrow night to be certain.
Friday
I wake at 1030 and go check the weather and see that my son got home from his friends house. I ask him if he would like to go on the escort mission with me and he say’s he will. Great as I do enjoy spending time with him and these days for me every second is like a minute as I want to soak up as much of my “baby” as I can and give him all the time he wants!
The schedule says to assemble at the American Legion post 639 and then we will motorcade to the funeral home but that was changed about the time Jerry and I left the house as when we got there, there was not a single motorcycle to be seen! Jerry and I walk in and the lady behind the bar says they are all ready at the funeral home and would be coming back by here (the post) for a ‘drive by” where George was a member and then on the cemetery from there and we could join up then. Jerry and I walk around to the helicopters they had out front, a Cobra and a Huey and this is the first time my son has seen these up close. There was a “sail” from a sub there and as I’m looking at the number 661 I keep thinking I’ve seem this number some where before. It wasn’t until I walk up and look at the plaque that I KNEW I knew it from somewhere. My older brother Brad served on her back in the 70’s! It was the Sail from the USS Lapon. I had even gone on board her for a tour when I went to visit him at Norfolk Naval Base just before he mustered out of the navy and I enlisted in the Army. I can tell you one thing. They ate well in the nukes! I went through the mess line and it was better than any church buffet! I swear it was fantastic! I kind of wished I had gone Navy! Better than eating “C” Rats any day of the week!
Anyway the motorcade showed up and Jerry and I join up and we had a memorable ride to the cemetery and Jerry got to see his first Military Veteran funeral. I still think when this cancer treatment is over and I get back on my feet I want to buy a bugle so I can learn the 5 notes to Taps and join “Buglers Across America” as the electronic type is so sad to listen to! I believe that every Member of every service should have a real bugle playing Taps at their funeral!
We finish and Jerry and I head on back home and I drink my lunch and head down for today’s radiation treatment but I’m really not feeling that well as I think the hour I spent in the heat was a little much for me. I get there and go in and talk with Dr. Kim about my pain meds as they really aren’t up to the task and he knew I’d be asking him for something different and now I’m on something a little stronger than Tylenol 3!
I head out of his office and I see my “girlfriend” Laura and she’s not looking to well. I ask her if her chemo went ok yesterday and she says yes and also introduces me to her father. I ask her why she’s still here and she goes into her “blonde” routine (which she does really well for a college professor!) Oh, well like I broke the machine, like wow!” Oh yeah as one of the techs come out and tells us it’s going to be about 15 minutes or so before we can get going so I head up stairs to get a signal on my cell and call home. 30 minutes later we’re still waiting and they come in and ask the 3 of us waiting if we want to stay until they figure out what’s going on or we can leave. Well Laura and I decide to leave and I haven’t introduced myself to the new guy who is a LOT younger than me so I don’t know his name yet says he’ll go to his cousins house and swim and they can call him at work when it’s up.
I go get my script filled and head home. I’m not home about 30 minutes and the phone rings. Dr. Kim wants to know if I wanted to come back in and get my treatment. No, I tell him, lets just add it to my last week and he’s ok with that.
My evening is pretty good until about 11:30 when my stomach tells me to get to the bathroom on the double and I barely make it and wind up sitting there until 4:15 when I can finally and safely get off the darn toilet and get a shower!
I finally drag myself to bed and sleep until 12:30!
Saturday
I get out of bed and start on my usual mourning routine. I do meds first then a can of whatever and another med and another can or whatever, this time a can of chocolate, a treat, if I could taste anything! I finish up with brushing my mouth with my baking soda wash. I can’t do salt for a while as it has been burning me to much but the baking soda will help to cut the film growing in my mouth and help kill this silly yeast infection! I’m done and then it all comes back up so fast that the sink is the closest thing there and what the heck it’s all liquid anyway and I’m the freaking Plummer of the house when home so use the stupid thing! I did and wished I hadn’t done the chocolate equate. To much caffeine and that’s it. There are a few cans and I’ll take the rest down to the center so someone else can use them.
I still have to wait for the next time I can do my pain meds as I’m not going to risk doing an overage on the dose and the laxative, well it CAN wait also after last night!
Barb, Jerry and I go down to Hobby Lobby and get a few things for me so I can work on an idea I have with this stupid feeding tube to get it out of the way. We also stop and get a card for a friend of Jerry’s birthday party and take him on over to his friends house. Wow we actually have the house to ourselves! I go out side to work on the gardens and she does a little house cleaning! Yeah, Cancer is such a PAIN IN THE ASS! Can’t do anything so why even try! ROFL!
I’m now working on this idea wishing I had a sewing machine but knowing I’d still screw up trying to use it but I can do this with a needle and thread!
Chapter 12 How I quit smoking after 39 years!
Chapter 12
How I quit smoking
Or
39 years later a dummy got smart!
I promised a few weeks ago I would tell you all how I quit smoking and I guess I’d better make good on it!
But first I know you started to read this and think oh crap, WHY do I want to read this?
You really don’t! You’ve been smoking so long that it’s second nature to light up. I know this! I did for 39 years, and even after having been smoke free for over a year I STILL reach up to my pocket for that pack!
I’ll give you a secret! It’s NOT the smoke itself, just all the little actions and movements you’ve been doing for however long you’ve been smoking!
I’ll preach a little too!
Did you know you STINK! No kidding! I thought it was everyone joking me! It’s not! A little secret for you single people that smoke. Did you ever look across the room and that hottie or hunk caught your eye and you’re thinking you’re going to get lucky? You finally get next to them and (they aren’t a smoker) they turn their nose up and leave you hanging? But you thought you had this one in the “sack”?
It’s your “smell”. PERIOD! A lot of smokers don’t want to be close to a smoker! It wasn’t until I quit that I finally found out how “BAD” I did smell and I love cologne! To put it bluntly. Go to your full ash tray, poor a little water in it and then smell it and then lick it!
What? You wont do that? Why? You expected a non smoker to cuddle up to you and kiss you, right? What’s the difference?
I can tell when my step son comes in from outside after smoking a cigarette! Across the house! It’s “THAT” bad! I’m not kidding you! When my sense of smell came back I could tell! And those areas that you have to go to at work to smoke, stink!
A buddy of mine just quit a few months ago and he tells the same story! He can’t stand to be around smokers now!
Ok, one other preach and I’ll fill you in! At what it costs to buy a pack of smokes you can drive about 20 miles! LOL yeah it’s come to that! Drive, smoke or push the car!
Now that you’re all pissed at me but you’re still reading this I bet you just might really deep down want to “try” one more time! You do? Honestly? Great! Lets begin!
Take your cell phone out and go to Tools> Alarm clock
Don’t have an alarm clock? Hmmm, go get a better cell and then come back!
Those of you who have an alarm clock set it for 1 hour.
Now that it’s set here are the rules that I made for myself
• You can have a cigarette in 1 hour ONLY if you turn the alarm OFF not SNOOZE! That means that if you are in a situation where you can’t smoke and you turned the alarm off then sorry you can’t smoke right now! Reset the alarm WHEN you realize you missed your cigarette! You’ll get one in an hour! OH, if you find a cigarette in your hand and the alarm didn’t go off take them out of your pocket and put them some place you can’t just reach! I drive a truck for a living and I threw them across the dash on the passenger side and had to really reach for them! GET THEM OUT OF EASY REACH! Habit will make you get one unconsciously! Don’t believe me? Wait!
• The 1 hour rule DOESN”T count; A) when you wake up. B) After you eat a meal...BECAUSE, we do like to wake up and actually get some nicotine into our system and it’ll actually help you to quit and you’re NOT ready to eat a meal and NOT smoke afterwards!
• After 2 weeks reset the alarm to, are you ready? No? Well, get over it! 2 hours and the same rules apply!
You get 2 weeks! You made it this far are you going to let that little piece of paper and dried leaves get the better of you now? Shucks, you already went from 3 packs a day to less that 1 in ONE freakin day! Great job! (Unless you’re one of those who never sleeps!)
It’s been 2 weeks now and it’s time to quit! Go to Walmart and get 1 pack of the Mint flavored Equate nicotine chewing gum. I swear to you this is a whole lot better than the regular crap! I tried the regular and that was a couple years ago. Wonder why I didn’t quit then? Oh, Yeah, that was the nastiest stuff I EVER put in my mouth and I even tried to chew! It was worse than chewing tobacco! Any way.
• Set your alarm to 3 hours! But now you get a treat! You now get to chew a piece of gum! Read the directions and follow them! Do EXACTLY as the instructions say! Get the gum started by chewing it a few times to get it soft and wet, and park it between the gum and cheek. I started at the top right side of the back of my mouth and worked it around the top all the way to the other side then down to the bottom and repeat the process. I tried the patches several times and all they did was turn my skin red in a few places, BUT I had some of the best dreams in my life! Biggest stud in the world! In my dreams, anyway! LOL, OH, yes, You DO dream in Technicolor! While on nicotine patches! But what you are trying to do is quit! Don’t use them as they saturate you body and, well, we don’t want that as the next rule will piss you off!
• NO smoking extra cigarettes after you wake up. 1 when you wake and set the alarm. No smoking extra cigarettes after eating. If your alarm didn’t go off while you ate, wait for it! Do you REALLY want one? And be honest with yourself! DO YOU? That’s what I thought!
• You get a cigarette on the odd hours and a piece of gum on the even hours. And, YES, you can smoke and do nicotine products at the same time! You read the instructions? You DID read the instructions, right! Just don’t imitate a chimney and you’re safe!
I quit about 1 tray of gum into my 3 hour set up! I didn’t have any more cigarettes and I wanted to actually start chewing the gum as I was starting to get a “rush”, there was more nicotine in the gum than there was in what I was smoking. I wasn’t trying to smoke the silly thing to the filter. I was throwing half a cigarette out the window and guess what? The tar and nicotine builds up in the second half of that cigarette and that’s where a lot of the “stink” comes from by getting on your fingers!
After you quit
When you quit, don’t lie to yourself, when you go to the bar and “Oh, just 1 with my drink”! BULL. That JD and coke will taste BETTER without the smoke or you’ll realize that Budweiser really doesn’t taste all that well even with a born on date!! Or that you’re stressed and need one! That’s BULL! I’ll tell you why that’s a lie! I now have cancer! (And not from smoking either, which is the weird thing about MY cancer. LOL) If that isn’t stressful NOTHING is! Your spouse leaving you, You’ve lost your job, Your candidate didn’t get voted in to president, Your daughter/girlfriend is pregnant, You wrecked the car, Your dog died. A comet is on a collision course with Earth, Hmmm, NO! NOTHING is so stressful that you need to smoke a cigarette! Besides just go stand next to a smoker and smell 1 reason not to smoke! Go outside your place of business and smell that area and think of another reason you don’t need a smoke. You can still chit chat with those who smoke just stand up wind! I really believe I might have met MORE women if I hadn’t smoked! I’m also full of myself, ain’t I!! But really, go sniff the inside to your car! NOW you see! It probably still smells and you’ll need to take it down to get detailed on the inside but if you had smoked as long as I did I could have bought a car or 3 motorcycles with what I burned up in cigarettes!
My quit date was 26 February 2007!
Nothing will get me to smoke again!
Well, the comet thing…NO!
George ”Rollover” Purdy
How I quit smoking
Or
39 years later a dummy got smart!
I promised a few weeks ago I would tell you all how I quit smoking and I guess I’d better make good on it!
But first I know you started to read this and think oh crap, WHY do I want to read this?
You really don’t! You’ve been smoking so long that it’s second nature to light up. I know this! I did for 39 years, and even after having been smoke free for over a year I STILL reach up to my pocket for that pack!
I’ll give you a secret! It’s NOT the smoke itself, just all the little actions and movements you’ve been doing for however long you’ve been smoking!
I’ll preach a little too!
Did you know you STINK! No kidding! I thought it was everyone joking me! It’s not! A little secret for you single people that smoke. Did you ever look across the room and that hottie or hunk caught your eye and you’re thinking you’re going to get lucky? You finally get next to them and (they aren’t a smoker) they turn their nose up and leave you hanging? But you thought you had this one in the “sack”?
It’s your “smell”. PERIOD! A lot of smokers don’t want to be close to a smoker! It wasn’t until I quit that I finally found out how “BAD” I did smell and I love cologne! To put it bluntly. Go to your full ash tray, poor a little water in it and then smell it and then lick it!
What? You wont do that? Why? You expected a non smoker to cuddle up to you and kiss you, right? What’s the difference?
I can tell when my step son comes in from outside after smoking a cigarette! Across the house! It’s “THAT” bad! I’m not kidding you! When my sense of smell came back I could tell! And those areas that you have to go to at work to smoke, stink!
A buddy of mine just quit a few months ago and he tells the same story! He can’t stand to be around smokers now!
Ok, one other preach and I’ll fill you in! At what it costs to buy a pack of smokes you can drive about 20 miles! LOL yeah it’s come to that! Drive, smoke or push the car!
Now that you’re all pissed at me but you’re still reading this I bet you just might really deep down want to “try” one more time! You do? Honestly? Great! Lets begin!
Take your cell phone out and go to Tools> Alarm clock
Don’t have an alarm clock? Hmmm, go get a better cell and then come back!
Those of you who have an alarm clock set it for 1 hour.
Now that it’s set here are the rules that I made for myself
• You can have a cigarette in 1 hour ONLY if you turn the alarm OFF not SNOOZE! That means that if you are in a situation where you can’t smoke and you turned the alarm off then sorry you can’t smoke right now! Reset the alarm WHEN you realize you missed your cigarette! You’ll get one in an hour! OH, if you find a cigarette in your hand and the alarm didn’t go off take them out of your pocket and put them some place you can’t just reach! I drive a truck for a living and I threw them across the dash on the passenger side and had to really reach for them! GET THEM OUT OF EASY REACH! Habit will make you get one unconsciously! Don’t believe me? Wait!
• The 1 hour rule DOESN”T count; A) when you wake up. B) After you eat a meal...BECAUSE, we do like to wake up and actually get some nicotine into our system and it’ll actually help you to quit and you’re NOT ready to eat a meal and NOT smoke afterwards!
• After 2 weeks reset the alarm to, are you ready? No? Well, get over it! 2 hours and the same rules apply!
You get 2 weeks! You made it this far are you going to let that little piece of paper and dried leaves get the better of you now? Shucks, you already went from 3 packs a day to less that 1 in ONE freakin day! Great job! (Unless you’re one of those who never sleeps!)
It’s been 2 weeks now and it’s time to quit! Go to Walmart and get 1 pack of the Mint flavored Equate nicotine chewing gum. I swear to you this is a whole lot better than the regular crap! I tried the regular and that was a couple years ago. Wonder why I didn’t quit then? Oh, Yeah, that was the nastiest stuff I EVER put in my mouth and I even tried to chew! It was worse than chewing tobacco! Any way.
• Set your alarm to 3 hours! But now you get a treat! You now get to chew a piece of gum! Read the directions and follow them! Do EXACTLY as the instructions say! Get the gum started by chewing it a few times to get it soft and wet, and park it between the gum and cheek. I started at the top right side of the back of my mouth and worked it around the top all the way to the other side then down to the bottom and repeat the process. I tried the patches several times and all they did was turn my skin red in a few places, BUT I had some of the best dreams in my life! Biggest stud in the world! In my dreams, anyway! LOL, OH, yes, You DO dream in Technicolor! While on nicotine patches! But what you are trying to do is quit! Don’t use them as they saturate you body and, well, we don’t want that as the next rule will piss you off!
• NO smoking extra cigarettes after you wake up. 1 when you wake and set the alarm. No smoking extra cigarettes after eating. If your alarm didn’t go off while you ate, wait for it! Do you REALLY want one? And be honest with yourself! DO YOU? That’s what I thought!
• You get a cigarette on the odd hours and a piece of gum on the even hours. And, YES, you can smoke and do nicotine products at the same time! You read the instructions? You DID read the instructions, right! Just don’t imitate a chimney and you’re safe!
I quit about 1 tray of gum into my 3 hour set up! I didn’t have any more cigarettes and I wanted to actually start chewing the gum as I was starting to get a “rush”, there was more nicotine in the gum than there was in what I was smoking. I wasn’t trying to smoke the silly thing to the filter. I was throwing half a cigarette out the window and guess what? The tar and nicotine builds up in the second half of that cigarette and that’s where a lot of the “stink” comes from by getting on your fingers!
After you quit
When you quit, don’t lie to yourself, when you go to the bar and “Oh, just 1 with my drink”! BULL. That JD and coke will taste BETTER without the smoke or you’ll realize that Budweiser really doesn’t taste all that well even with a born on date!! Or that you’re stressed and need one! That’s BULL! I’ll tell you why that’s a lie! I now have cancer! (And not from smoking either, which is the weird thing about MY cancer. LOL) If that isn’t stressful NOTHING is! Your spouse leaving you, You’ve lost your job, Your candidate didn’t get voted in to president, Your daughter/girlfriend is pregnant, You wrecked the car, Your dog died. A comet is on a collision course with Earth, Hmmm, NO! NOTHING is so stressful that you need to smoke a cigarette! Besides just go stand next to a smoker and smell 1 reason not to smoke! Go outside your place of business and smell that area and think of another reason you don’t need a smoke. You can still chit chat with those who smoke just stand up wind! I really believe I might have met MORE women if I hadn’t smoked! I’m also full of myself, ain’t I!! But really, go sniff the inside to your car! NOW you see! It probably still smells and you’ll need to take it down to get detailed on the inside but if you had smoked as long as I did I could have bought a car or 3 motorcycles with what I burned up in cigarettes!
My quit date was 26 February 2007!
Nothing will get me to smoke again!
Well, the comet thing…NO!
George ”Rollover” Purdy
Chapter13
Chapter 13
July 14, 2008 Monday
It’s a Monday and it’s also my 15th wedding Anniversary! Yep I actually made it a whole 15 years and it only seems like 30 or so! LOL. I woke and went into the bathroom and gave Barb a hug and put on my glasses and came into the front living room which is my office and sitting on my desk is a card from my loving wife! OOPS! I sneak out to the kitchen and slip into my clogs grab the keys to the garage and run to the pick up and get the Wal-mart bag that’s been sitting on the back seat floor since Tuesday, locate my pen and quickly sign the card I had gotten her and hightail it back to the house and actually made it back without her knowing I had left! OOOO feeling like a Ninja now! I give her, her card and she looks at me in disbelief and asked “so, you DIDN”T forget?” AWW, Baby you know I only forgot the one time. And I get a big hug which will be the last one until Thursday after the chemo I’ll get in a few hours wears off and I can touch her again.
Guys, Let me give you some humble but very important advice. NEVER, EVER forget 2/3 dates that mean the difference between being a man and being a man! #1 is her BIRTHDAY! Never get a woman’s name tattooed on your body. If you do, just after the scabs fall off she WILL leave you! Murphy’s Law goes into effect as soon as the ink hits the skin!
BUT, DO tattoo her birthday on your silly ass! Want that “loving feeling”? Be on time with the card, diamonds and flowers, in that order!
With a GIRLFRIEND: remember 2 dates! The date you first went out together and the date you met between the sheets! Unless it was the same night then you’re one (un)lucky SOB! She WILL remember them! And do pop quizzes on them! BE PREPARED! Tattooing these dates is optional! Take option 1: TATTOO!
Tattoo your wedding anniversary some where also! Unless it happens you got married on a date important to you such as the running of the bulls, NASCAR’s opening day the Super Bowl or other such dates that you’ll remember! As long as you remember you married her also! On this day, give her diamonds, a card and flowers in that order!
And another tip, do NOT give her any gift with an electrical cord attached to it unless she asked you specifically for such a gift, pointed it out to you at the store and signs an affidavit stating that she wanted such a gift! I know the rules of men states that we like sleeping on the couch because it’s just like camping but, NOT! I’d rather be able to roll over at night and stretch my legs out too! Without worrying that parts aren’t super glued to other parts!
Why do you ask did I go into the above monologue? It happens that in year 4 of my marriage I kind of goofed! Yeah I got the date wrong and for some reason I KNEW I was right I could have sworn that we were married on the 17th and had not gone and gotten anything at all being of the male persuasion and always leaving such chores till the last minute. The 14th pops up and I wake up having just gotten in off the road, and low and behold there was a card sitting on my plate on the kitchen table!
OH! MY! GOD!
Please tell me this is NOT happening! Oh, but it is and I can see my life passing in front of my eyes! My loving wife, Mother of my son is standing there with “THE LOOK” (the all adoring I love you look) and I’m praying for my brain to come out of lock down! THINK, and I look at my wonderful adorable wife, who actually lets me make love to her and I have the SOLUTION! I hit my fore head with my hand and go “OH CRAP OH Baby I left your card in the truck! I’m so sorry sweetheart; I’ll go get it in a few minutes”! And guys when you can see the love in a woman’s eyes turn to ice you KNOW you’re a gonner! Especially, after eating your breakfast and you start to head to the door and she says “I’ll ride along with you baby!” you know that you won’t make it to Wal-Mart unnoticed unless I can get her drunk at 9 in the morning! Ain’t going to happen so when you get to the truck praying someone broke into it last night but knowing it didn’t and I get up into it and do “the search” and come up empty handed, and she finally asked the big question,
“WHY”
And me in my own innocence say, but it’s on the 17th ! With that Indiana Jones look as if saying Fly, what don’t you know how? From that oh so famous scene! The car got real cold! In JULY! Icicles were hanging from the sun visors! And she looks at me and I swear I felt someone walk over my grave! Not just walk on it but started to jump up and down on it and twisting their heels in for added measure! And no you will NOT go to Wal-Mart or to the drugstore and buy one now! Even the wonderful dinner at Red Lobster didn’t change her mood and yes the couch was a little lumpy but I learned a valuable lesson that day!
When I got back to my truck I took the calendar down and on the last day of December I wrote the date of July 14th Anniversary, write it down on new calendar, dummy! That helped! If I knew I was going to be late getting home I mailed the thing! Then I put a computer in the truck and so I learned how to use the calendar on them and also made a copy of the marriage license, and then just made an IMPORTANT DATES file and bingo! Husband gets lovin and attenuation because he remembered! And now that we all have a cell phone unless you’re extremely cheap and don’t buy a cell with a calendar feature you too can experience lovin and attention on all of those oh so important dates!
Back to the present! Barb and I talk a little as I prepare to go down to St. Johns Cancer Center for my chemo. I had watched “The Secret” last night while I sewed on my pouch idea and I’m trying to project myself with out cancer and I usually do have a PMA as I know I must be upbeat and as I head out I give Barbara a big hug and kiss as this is the last till Thursday nite or Friday morning.
I get to the center and go in and do the check in deal pay my $30 co pay and my 1st call is to get my blood pulled for lab work which goes nicely as the skin over my port is toughening up and the prick doesn’t even hurt this time and the nurse pulls my blood and sends me back into the waiting room. 2nd call is to see the Doctor but I see his nurse actually and we do the Q&A and vitals (for some silly reason I can’t explain I LOST 5 pounds over the weekend?) and she sends me back to the waiting room too! Finally Last Call! I go back and I take the quiet room again and when the nurse comes out she has a small bag of things and she goes “Oh they changed you! You are getting Carboplatin (Paraplatin, CBDCA). This won’t take long at all, only about an hour and a half!
OH JOY! I could have left the laptop, extra cans of liquid food, books and such at home! This is a walk in the park! And it didn’t even take that long! It didn’t give me the head ache that the other crap did but it has later in the day made me not want to burp after “eating!” I still have the ringing in my ears but that will go away I’m hoping as I know the secret! I made it home for a while and then go back for my radiation and today is in the books! I get home and water my plants and that’s only a 10 minute job but I come inside and I’m sweating like I ran a mile! Barb freaks out and makes me sit down and I come in here and surf the net for a while and watch the sun drop down a bit more in the sky before I take my walk down the street.
Tuesday
Well the chemo kicked in after I went to bed last night and I wound up sleeping propped up so the acid would stay in the stomach and not in my throat. I did have to bail at 0500 and when in my panic, I jumped up I punched Barb in the head, oh not to hard but it did surprise both of us! I didn’t vomit but I did wind up with that wonderful nasty taste in the back of my mouth! A little ginger ale washed it down but the ginger ale tasted just as bad! It did what it had to do but this is getting OLD fast! How can ginger ale taste bad? Well how can all food taste so bad!
I climb back in bed get to sleep and here we go again! Back into the bathroom and still nothing! Ok I pull my feeding tube out and drain the top off that way and get back to bed!
I wake up at 1130! And decide I’ll start doing my nausea relief by way of tube from now on! And I get to later on today!
About 1230, the Cancer Center calls and tells me that my appointment time is going to be set back due to the Tomo machine going down and my time will be at 5:15 pm. I get there and we set me up on the bed and away we go. I get in for the CT and just as they are pulling me out to do the final adjustments I feel the “Need” to hurl! Hands in the air is the signal and the girls are on their toes as one starts to unsnap me and the other gets a large cup. I use the cup till I get to the sink and, nothing! Oh yeah it’s there and I know it’s there that feeling of a lump just below the collar bone just sitting there laughing at me going “Yeah, Baby, ya gotta wait for me dude!” Well Dude, guess what! I unroll the old feeding tube and pull the plug and let loose and 2 ounces run and I feel the lump disappear! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks! These girls want to get home from an already hard day and this detour is putting them behind as now we have to set me back up and do another CT as once I’m in the mask and secured on the table I shouldn’t be moved until the treatment is over. I think I should show them how to relieve me if needed but I feel I’ll make it ok now which I did! I’ll show them tomorrow.
The rest of the day is nice at home and I’ll be getting ready for bed in a few minutes.
July 14, 2008 Monday
It’s a Monday and it’s also my 15th wedding Anniversary! Yep I actually made it a whole 15 years and it only seems like 30 or so! LOL. I woke and went into the bathroom and gave Barb a hug and put on my glasses and came into the front living room which is my office and sitting on my desk is a card from my loving wife! OOPS! I sneak out to the kitchen and slip into my clogs grab the keys to the garage and run to the pick up and get the Wal-mart bag that’s been sitting on the back seat floor since Tuesday, locate my pen and quickly sign the card I had gotten her and hightail it back to the house and actually made it back without her knowing I had left! OOOO feeling like a Ninja now! I give her, her card and she looks at me in disbelief and asked “so, you DIDN”T forget?” AWW, Baby you know I only forgot the one time. And I get a big hug which will be the last one until Thursday after the chemo I’ll get in a few hours wears off and I can touch her again.
Guys, Let me give you some humble but very important advice. NEVER, EVER forget 2/3 dates that mean the difference between being a man and being a man! #1 is her BIRTHDAY! Never get a woman’s name tattooed on your body. If you do, just after the scabs fall off she WILL leave you! Murphy’s Law goes into effect as soon as the ink hits the skin!
BUT, DO tattoo her birthday on your silly ass! Want that “loving feeling”? Be on time with the card, diamonds and flowers, in that order!
With a GIRLFRIEND: remember 2 dates! The date you first went out together and the date you met between the sheets! Unless it was the same night then you’re one (un)lucky SOB! She WILL remember them! And do pop quizzes on them! BE PREPARED! Tattooing these dates is optional! Take option 1: TATTOO!
Tattoo your wedding anniversary some where also! Unless it happens you got married on a date important to you such as the running of the bulls, NASCAR’s opening day the Super Bowl or other such dates that you’ll remember! As long as you remember you married her also! On this day, give her diamonds, a card and flowers in that order!
And another tip, do NOT give her any gift with an electrical cord attached to it unless she asked you specifically for such a gift, pointed it out to you at the store and signs an affidavit stating that she wanted such a gift! I know the rules of men states that we like sleeping on the couch because it’s just like camping but, NOT! I’d rather be able to roll over at night and stretch my legs out too! Without worrying that parts aren’t super glued to other parts!
Why do you ask did I go into the above monologue? It happens that in year 4 of my marriage I kind of goofed! Yeah I got the date wrong and for some reason I KNEW I was right I could have sworn that we were married on the 17th and had not gone and gotten anything at all being of the male persuasion and always leaving such chores till the last minute. The 14th pops up and I wake up having just gotten in off the road, and low and behold there was a card sitting on my plate on the kitchen table!
OH! MY! GOD!
Please tell me this is NOT happening! Oh, but it is and I can see my life passing in front of my eyes! My loving wife, Mother of my son is standing there with “THE LOOK” (the all adoring I love you look) and I’m praying for my brain to come out of lock down! THINK, and I look at my wonderful adorable wife, who actually lets me make love to her and I have the SOLUTION! I hit my fore head with my hand and go “OH CRAP OH Baby I left your card in the truck! I’m so sorry sweetheart; I’ll go get it in a few minutes”! And guys when you can see the love in a woman’s eyes turn to ice you KNOW you’re a gonner! Especially, after eating your breakfast and you start to head to the door and she says “I’ll ride along with you baby!” you know that you won’t make it to Wal-Mart unnoticed unless I can get her drunk at 9 in the morning! Ain’t going to happen so when you get to the truck praying someone broke into it last night but knowing it didn’t and I get up into it and do “the search” and come up empty handed, and she finally asked the big question,
“WHY”
And me in my own innocence say, but it’s on the 17th ! With that Indiana Jones look as if saying Fly, what don’t you know how? From that oh so famous scene! The car got real cold! In JULY! Icicles were hanging from the sun visors! And she looks at me and I swear I felt someone walk over my grave! Not just walk on it but started to jump up and down on it and twisting their heels in for added measure! And no you will NOT go to Wal-Mart or to the drugstore and buy one now! Even the wonderful dinner at Red Lobster didn’t change her mood and yes the couch was a little lumpy but I learned a valuable lesson that day!
When I got back to my truck I took the calendar down and on the last day of December I wrote the date of July 14th Anniversary, write it down on new calendar, dummy! That helped! If I knew I was going to be late getting home I mailed the thing! Then I put a computer in the truck and so I learned how to use the calendar on them and also made a copy of the marriage license, and then just made an IMPORTANT DATES file and bingo! Husband gets lovin and attenuation because he remembered! And now that we all have a cell phone unless you’re extremely cheap and don’t buy a cell with a calendar feature you too can experience lovin and attention on all of those oh so important dates!
Back to the present! Barb and I talk a little as I prepare to go down to St. Johns Cancer Center for my chemo. I had watched “The Secret” last night while I sewed on my pouch idea and I’m trying to project myself with out cancer and I usually do have a PMA as I know I must be upbeat and as I head out I give Barbara a big hug and kiss as this is the last till Thursday nite or Friday morning.
I get to the center and go in and do the check in deal pay my $30 co pay and my 1st call is to get my blood pulled for lab work which goes nicely as the skin over my port is toughening up and the prick doesn’t even hurt this time and the nurse pulls my blood and sends me back into the waiting room. 2nd call is to see the Doctor but I see his nurse actually and we do the Q&A and vitals (for some silly reason I can’t explain I LOST 5 pounds over the weekend?) and she sends me back to the waiting room too! Finally Last Call! I go back and I take the quiet room again and when the nurse comes out she has a small bag of things and she goes “Oh they changed you! You are getting Carboplatin (Paraplatin, CBDCA). This won’t take long at all, only about an hour and a half!
OH JOY! I could have left the laptop, extra cans of liquid food, books and such at home! This is a walk in the park! And it didn’t even take that long! It didn’t give me the head ache that the other crap did but it has later in the day made me not want to burp after “eating!” I still have the ringing in my ears but that will go away I’m hoping as I know the secret! I made it home for a while and then go back for my radiation and today is in the books! I get home and water my plants and that’s only a 10 minute job but I come inside and I’m sweating like I ran a mile! Barb freaks out and makes me sit down and I come in here and surf the net for a while and watch the sun drop down a bit more in the sky before I take my walk down the street.
Tuesday
Well the chemo kicked in after I went to bed last night and I wound up sleeping propped up so the acid would stay in the stomach and not in my throat. I did have to bail at 0500 and when in my panic, I jumped up I punched Barb in the head, oh not to hard but it did surprise both of us! I didn’t vomit but I did wind up with that wonderful nasty taste in the back of my mouth! A little ginger ale washed it down but the ginger ale tasted just as bad! It did what it had to do but this is getting OLD fast! How can ginger ale taste bad? Well how can all food taste so bad!
I climb back in bed get to sleep and here we go again! Back into the bathroom and still nothing! Ok I pull my feeding tube out and drain the top off that way and get back to bed!
I wake up at 1130! And decide I’ll start doing my nausea relief by way of tube from now on! And I get to later on today!
About 1230, the Cancer Center calls and tells me that my appointment time is going to be set back due to the Tomo machine going down and my time will be at 5:15 pm. I get there and we set me up on the bed and away we go. I get in for the CT and just as they are pulling me out to do the final adjustments I feel the “Need” to hurl! Hands in the air is the signal and the girls are on their toes as one starts to unsnap me and the other gets a large cup. I use the cup till I get to the sink and, nothing! Oh yeah it’s there and I know it’s there that feeling of a lump just below the collar bone just sitting there laughing at me going “Yeah, Baby, ya gotta wait for me dude!” Well Dude, guess what! I unroll the old feeding tube and pull the plug and let loose and 2 ounces run and I feel the lump disappear! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks! These girls want to get home from an already hard day and this detour is putting them behind as now we have to set me back up and do another CT as once I’m in the mask and secured on the table I shouldn’t be moved until the treatment is over. I think I should show them how to relieve me if needed but I feel I’ll make it ok now which I did! I’ll show them tomorrow.
The rest of the day is nice at home and I’ll be getting ready for bed in a few minutes.
Chapter 14
Chapter 14
Monday July 21, 2008
It started out a really hot dry day today. Mr. "Digger" had 2 new clean out holes going and was deep underground but he tripped 1 of my traps but he's a sneaky little thing! Not to fear. Some day my little pretty!
I watched the Mexicans work on Bobs roof for a few minutes and every sheet of shingle up is another penny in my property values! I am getting frustrated with my old tower unit (computer) which is my main work machine. It's taken a dive and my back up drive I had all of my stuff on the motor died on it so I have to go to an even older drive but I'll not loose to much there as most of the pictures are all on the laptop but it did have me scared there and most of the software I lost was so old it didn't matter.
I was about to call the city about our neighbors down the street with the RV in their driveway and a permanent yard sale going when Barbara came in with the mail and slammed it on the kitchen table! If anything I've learned over the years is when she "slams" something" it's either MY fault and disappear or be stupid and just ask what the heck I did this time!
It wasn't my fault! It's hard to be happy but when I DIDN'T do it, it feels SO good! But Popeye's did it to my son again! They bounced his paycheck again and it was deposited into OUR account! Can you believe that a place of business could do something so stupid?
Barb and I have been married for 15 years now. I know when we moved to Atlanta for 2 years but we started our check numbers over when we moved back here to Springfield, so I figure we've written over 3500 checks and that's just the WRITTEN ones! That doesn't count the bank card purchases! And we have NEVER bounced a check in all that time!
It's time to go into full panic for her! She runs to the bank and she goes over the account with them and we're safe by about $90 worth and what helps is the over draft protection we have with them and the knowledge that when she told them that Popeye's had not even paid Brian back for the last bounced check charges my bank did for them and is going now to bill them for it! That's why you stay with a bank that takes care of their people!
But these "business people" we're dealing with at this local franchise are morons! The last time they did this they bounced the pay checks of their only 2 handicapped people! No one else except them! That should say a little about their character not to mention that someone doesn't know how to use a calculator to well! Even Brian knows when you write a check for fifty cents there should be fifty cents in the account! The poor kid is a 15 year old trapped in a 24 year (heck 25 next month) olds body and he's such a good kid! It's hard on me at times to try to get him to take a little more of his own responsibility for himself so he'll be able to make it on his own when the if and when of Barb and I pass out of life and his brother knows that he's got to try to help Brian if he's able but when morons take advantage of the handicapped like Brian it just makes me want to do the home run swing on their heads with this nice aluminum bat I have here!
As Barb was taking me to treatment I'm trying to call their offices (killing MY minutes) and of course they aren't answering! You can't hide from Caller ID and the lowlifes knew it was me from the last time we had this little dance! Well, I gave up and decided I'm going to let the state handle it this time as I've had to straighten them out through them before! I just wonder if Brian can come out with a piece of the pie of Popeye's here in Springfield before they finally go out of business as they have closed 2 stores down over the years from mismanagement and now they are trying to open one back up as a day care centre! That's going to be a laugh to watch! I wonder if a boycott of the local Popeye's would get them to hire someone with half of a live brain cell in the accounting department!
My treatment went ok. I didn't get my shots as my B/P was WAAAY to high at 148/78 due to a bad attitude! Wonder why? I can also say that I was a little dehydrated also which isn't good but I still got radiated and went on my merry way home to listen to Barb want to screw someone's heads off and spit down their necks! She's so "crazy" at times! I wonder what would happen if I let her loose!
When we pull into the street I look at the back of Bobs house and it's looking so much better and by the way I had sent him a text message Sunday telling him they had started working on it and I get one back that he's in Montana and it's 55 degrees there this morning! We pull into my drive way and lo and behold "Digger" has made another clean out pile and he's getting under one of my last nerves! I pull up both of my traps head to the garage and get the wire brush out and start cleaning and fixing and sharpening traps! Now they snap through hard soil like a butter knife through my brother in laws steaks and ribs so I do believe hunting season has opened again!
Phones ringing this morning and I'm in the middle of trying to wake up! My neighbor Marina has a question about trees being cut by the guy who is trying to buy the neighborhood so he can get rich as a landlord and he's cutting her trees on her back property line. Then it's the pest control guy and then the hospital wanting to know if I could come in early for treatment and I tell you it was a crazy way to start the day!
I finally finish my mourning routine and set it aside and walk with Alan to their back yard fence line and look at him and kind of laugh and we both agree that what the guy is cutting is fine with Alan as it would have cost him about $500 to have paid it himself and these kids don't have that kind of cash laying around! I know I wouldn't complain if MY neighbor wanted to spend that kind of cash on tree trimming! After the Ice storms we've had and then add the flooding, this winter it’s going to be bad on us. I can just feel it, so Alan and I tell Marina that it's all good for her and she's ok but I still can't figure out one thing, why would you even start something like that and not be a good neighbor and ask if it's ok? I thought that's what neighbors were for?
The next thing is the pest control guy shows up and I'm thankful we're on a pre plan deal and it doesn't cost as we really need the service! I had found a roach in the bathroom last week and he was walking over my feeding tube equipment! YUCH! After all of the flooding we've had a bad bug problem and this is something I don't need, getting sick from bugs! I'm bad enough with my treatments without having something else happen!
And finally I'll go in early for my treatment today as Freddy has to get chemo and that's going to set him back so I'll take his place on the Tomo.
That's the funny thing about these machines, if they sit idle for to long they have to be reset and it apparently takes to long to reset them so they try to keep them running back to back on patients.
Barb and I both waited for Popeye's management to call us and I guess about 12:30 I took 1 of my naps and when my cell's alarm clock went off at 1:15 it's gotten really dark outside and the temperature has fallen almost 30 degrees! It's windy and there are branches falling out of my hickory tree and I have to dodge rain drops getting to the pick up truck so I can get to treatment! Just as I step out of the house and am kissing Barb bye the power goes off and that doesn't sit well with her!
I leave and on the way to the center a tree falls and takes out a power line close to the college! It's like a war zone out there now as there is lightening all around and heavy rain. I'm waiting for the hail and tornados but so far no call for them on the AM/FM. I go on in and see Diane my dental hygienist and she scolds me a little bit for not using my pain meds on a regular basis, like I really want to be walking around like a zombie (like I feel right now!) and for not trying to eat or swallow anything. She tells me I need to try to swallow something every day taste or no taste to keep my muscles working in my throat. Ok I tell her really not wanting to think about trying to force something tasteless down my neck!
Treatment done I head back and tell Barb and now it's HER turn to scold me and like a little kid and I wind up trying to eat a few spoonfuls of baked beans, yep tasteless, and a few of vanilla ice cream, just as tasteless but cold, and later she fixes me a popsicle and yes it has no taste! Don Rickles has more taste than I do right now! But I DID eat! I didn't enjoy it, but I worked muscles and a few parts that I haven't worked in a couple of weeks! Now let's see how the stomach feels in a while! Almost sounds like I was exercising or something there! LOL
But that's it for this day! I have another tomorrow by trying to drag Jerry down for a haircut and get a few things we need at Wal-Mart. I might even get to bed early tonight!
Yep got to bed really early last night at 1245! But, I was up at 0430 to turn off Brian's TV and to listen to the lightening hit and rain fall. Then again at 0545 for more lightening and rain and again at 0700 and gave up when it started lightening again at 0930! The good thing was we had a nice rain without flooding! I went out and set the traps for "Digger" and then came in for my am routine!
Finished that up and started making a few calls to try to get Brian's pay check! I call an 800 number Barb had gotten and lo and behold it's for Popeye's CORPORATE Offices and not a dinky little franchise! I talk to a young lady who "will send this up the line" as fast as she can! Didn't hear a peep out of anyone the rest of the day! But that didn't stop me as I was into keeping the log and one of the phone numbers went to the US Department of LABOR! Oh YEAH Baby! I talk to this lady and she gives me some www addys to look at and then she transfers me to the KCMO office and that's where this call goes south in a hand basket real fast! No one answers and all of the options they give you on the phone don't work but as I'm sitting there staring at the copy of the check that has bounced, You know the one the bank will send you with "insufficient funds" stamped on the front of it I read off to the right of the check that’s in this itty bitty tiny print," this copy may be used to secure the funds written"…HUH?!? Get the magnifying glass out for this! And that's what it says and I can also read the name of the bank! USBANK in 1 point font! OH YESSSS!!! Brian I yell! GET DRESSED we have got to GO! Barb look at this as I show her my discovery! It takes a few seconds for it to dawn on her what I was about to do and she does. She asks THE question!
WHAT?
I tell her that what it says is I can use this copy the bank sent me to get Brains money! She's balking, and I just tell her either get in the car and go with us or stay here!
At the bank I go up to the teller and he first thing I ask her as I show her the check is "is this YOUR bank" pointing at the check and routing number.
"Yes" is the answer I was looking for and that's what I got. Great 1-1
Next might be a little harder as I explain what has happened with Brian's pay and she says that's not right, the money should be in there! Ok, let's get it straight, I'm not a happy camper as you all know by now. I've explained this to Barb about 10 times and I KNOW any accountant worth his diploma knows this and should have $12345.67 to cover $12345.67 in checks! And I look at the teller and ask her my next biggie question worth $193.12,
"Is this money in the account"?
And before you get your hopes up her response is "well it should be, they wrote the check!"
OMFG, Please save me from mental giants! I want to bang my head on the counter!
OK can you check as Brian would really like to get paid for the work he's done and she's doing her, Oh, like, I know he would and like wow and I'm ready to fall to the floor with my hands around my neck!
I'm not quite at 2-2 on this score but she saves the play by starting to type on her keyboard, and there's enough to cover the check!
2 for 2! YESSS! As we're standing there I've already told Barb that there is no way in HELL we'll go through this crap again and from now on she can bring Brian down to cash the check's here and then deposit them later and my little angel of the bank goes, Oh there's a fee to cash checks if you don't have an account with us, which is $5.00 a check and Barb asks if we have an account and deposit it how much would it be for a bounced check charge and the girl actually has to look it up! Freaking $19 whole dollars! That's ok, we'll pay the $5 as it's cheaper in money and stress than going through this crap again with Popeye's!
I feel so sorry for those people who are making minimum wages and have no bank account as those five dollars will add up! But then again minimum wages should be enough of a shock that you'll try to better your self and get a better job than working for nothing and getting nothing in return!
We walk out of the bank feeling like we've accomplished something and I learned something and that's to LOOK at everything in front of you and not take things for granted and "face value" could be worth more than you "thought!"
Anyway Back at the house a trap has been sprung and I reset it. And call Brains work and let the manager know that I was able to get the check cashed and that they can forget about "calling" me now that he has been paid. I'm still a little leery that they are trying to get Brian to quit instead of firing him (so they don't have to pay unemployment benefits) and I go over with him a few things one of them being if they start joking with him be sure NOT to say the word quit! At all! It's been done before to let people go as all they have to do is say he said quit and use it against him! But Brian isn't as dumb as they think he is and he'll be there till I can find him a better place to work!
I get on down for my treatments and I've decided that I really don't want to take any more shots but I'll go in tomorrow and take them just to get an edge on myself. I'll hydrate up as best as I can and see what happens but Dr. Kim isn't very happy. I've been loosing way to much weight and he "ordered" me to try to do 2000 calories a day as I'm down to 134 pounds and look like my head has shrunk up like a gourd! It doesn't even fit in my mask! I actually am now wiggling up on the table to get the top of my head into the top of the mask and my cheeks, jaw and chin are just in there! I only have till Aug 1st, my last day on Radiation but then I'll still have 3 more chemo's but the thing is I'll still have to be using the Equate and Equal and the other stuff I have and I'll be running out of that maybe next week so I think I need to make a call tomorrow for some help!
I have got to get my weight back up! I went out to the little room on the car port and do an inventory and then come back in and get tomorrows "food supply" ready. That's going to be 4 cans of 250 calorie Glytrol, 2 cans of Boost at 240 cal, 2 cans of Equal 250 with fiber (I need the fiber!) and 1 bottle of Theragran-M at 350 calories for a total of 2330 calories! I might even go to Wendy's and get a shake and let it melt and run it in for an additional 400 calories! That ought to be good for at least a pound or to, to the plus side!
Thursday
Not much for today! I got a call early that the Tomo machine has a broken part and it's on the way and I "might" get in for treatment after 5pm today. No biggie!
I called a good friend, Jeanie, and she is going to send me another case of nutritional Drink as I'll run out of what I have about the time I'm finished with radiation treatments but I know I don't have enough to last the few weeks after as my throat and muscles repair themselves to where I'll be able to swallow and I'll still have a hard time then as My skull has actually shrunk! No kidding, it has! I actually slide around inside my mask and my cheeks, eyebrows, forehead and jaw don't fill in the mask! It's really scary! I wonder what or how much of my memories I've lost due to "loss" which I'm going to ask Dr Kim tomorrow during my check up. But I know that I'll be using dentures that were made before this trip and they were falling out of my mouth when I finally gave up trying to eat! I hope they can reline them and not have to make completely new ones as they were expensive as hell and I don't even have that kind of money! I'll use the old ones as long as I can and hope my mouth structure firms up so we can fix my "eating disorder"! HMMMMM STEAK! PIZZA! Anything as long as it has TASTE!
I take Jerry down to Clint's for his haircut and He asks me how he should get his hair cut and we actually have a father son type of talk! WOW! I figure out he's still thinking his mother will "chew him out" and he forgets that I'm the one giving him a break on how long his hair is allowed in "MY" home! Anyone who knew me when I was a "kid" knew me as the 'bald headed kid" as my Dad did the hair cutting in my bathroom and he only had 2 types of hair cut. Buzz cut and a flattop and I was lucky if the "flattop" was actually flat on top, cocked to the side, or front and rear! It all depended on his mood and if he was in a hurry or not! When I came home from my first year at Carlisle Military School, I owned a comb and he says it's time for a hair cut, I kinda laughed at him and told him not any more that he realized that yep they do grow up at a military school!
I tell Jerry that at his age and because he's now going into high school there is only 1 type of person he needs to impress now with his hair and the guys aren't it! I tell him he really needs to talk to this little girl he's texting all the time and get her to help him out there but it isn't until he's in the chair that I tell him he might as well get used to having a girl tell him what to do as it won't be long before that's going to happen anyway! Clint the Barber and every other man in the place laughs at that one and it's then Jerry realizes that women are nice to have around but why does it feel like there is a sand bag falling towards his head! Don't worry son, if you do right the woman you pick to be your "Better" half and will not let you goof up. Weather it be in hair cuts or your job! She'll be there through thick and thin to be sure you do it right every time and that’s her way! Right guys? LOL
We finish up and stop at Ace hardware as I need a pull string light socket for the closet in my bathroom and a couple of other things. A few days ago I had found a couple of flower packets I bought last year and misplaced and I also bought a small bag of Snap dragon seeds. When I got home I spread the seeds out in my oh so miserable flower gardens and hope I got them spread right and raked them in. I also went around and the Great Hunter has prevailed! Yes, "Mr. Digger" wasn't smart or fast enough to get out of the way of my superior intellect and cunning! He finally fell to one of my traps and is now fertilizing the lawn where he fell! A truly noble thing to do! I'll not miss the thrill of this hunt as autumn is around the corner and some other little beggar will attempt to make my lawn his home and well, He'll just have to take a number! LOL
Paula from the Center called and they have the Tomo machine back up and working and I to get my treatment at 6. I did weigh my self and I did NOT gain a freaking pound! Hell I didn't even gain a 10th of a pound and that makes me mad as I did 2330 calories and if I walked more than a half mile it was a miracle! I should have gained something! Well, I've finished another 2330 calories today and in the morning the first thing I do is 850 the way I've got it set up but I just might change the menu again and make it an even 1000 for breakfast! I just don't think I'll be able to bring myself around to blend bacon and eggs down to a shake to drink! Yeccccch!
Monday July 21, 2008
It started out a really hot dry day today. Mr. "Digger" had 2 new clean out holes going and was deep underground but he tripped 1 of my traps but he's a sneaky little thing! Not to fear. Some day my little pretty!
I watched the Mexicans work on Bobs roof for a few minutes and every sheet of shingle up is another penny in my property values! I am getting frustrated with my old tower unit (computer) which is my main work machine. It's taken a dive and my back up drive I had all of my stuff on the motor died on it so I have to go to an even older drive but I'll not loose to much there as most of the pictures are all on the laptop but it did have me scared there and most of the software I lost was so old it didn't matter.
I was about to call the city about our neighbors down the street with the RV in their driveway and a permanent yard sale going when Barbara came in with the mail and slammed it on the kitchen table! If anything I've learned over the years is when she "slams" something" it's either MY fault and disappear or be stupid and just ask what the heck I did this time!
It wasn't my fault! It's hard to be happy but when I DIDN'T do it, it feels SO good! But Popeye's did it to my son again! They bounced his paycheck again and it was deposited into OUR account! Can you believe that a place of business could do something so stupid?
Barb and I have been married for 15 years now. I know when we moved to Atlanta for 2 years but we started our check numbers over when we moved back here to Springfield, so I figure we've written over 3500 checks and that's just the WRITTEN ones! That doesn't count the bank card purchases! And we have NEVER bounced a check in all that time!
It's time to go into full panic for her! She runs to the bank and she goes over the account with them and we're safe by about $90 worth and what helps is the over draft protection we have with them and the knowledge that when she told them that Popeye's had not even paid Brian back for the last bounced check charges my bank did for them and is going now to bill them for it! That's why you stay with a bank that takes care of their people!
But these "business people" we're dealing with at this local franchise are morons! The last time they did this they bounced the pay checks of their only 2 handicapped people! No one else except them! That should say a little about their character not to mention that someone doesn't know how to use a calculator to well! Even Brian knows when you write a check for fifty cents there should be fifty cents in the account! The poor kid is a 15 year old trapped in a 24 year (heck 25 next month) olds body and he's such a good kid! It's hard on me at times to try to get him to take a little more of his own responsibility for himself so he'll be able to make it on his own when the if and when of Barb and I pass out of life and his brother knows that he's got to try to help Brian if he's able but when morons take advantage of the handicapped like Brian it just makes me want to do the home run swing on their heads with this nice aluminum bat I have here!
As Barb was taking me to treatment I'm trying to call their offices (killing MY minutes) and of course they aren't answering! You can't hide from Caller ID and the lowlifes knew it was me from the last time we had this little dance! Well, I gave up and decided I'm going to let the state handle it this time as I've had to straighten them out through them before! I just wonder if Brian can come out with a piece of the pie of Popeye's here in Springfield before they finally go out of business as they have closed 2 stores down over the years from mismanagement and now they are trying to open one back up as a day care centre! That's going to be a laugh to watch! I wonder if a boycott of the local Popeye's would get them to hire someone with half of a live brain cell in the accounting department!
My treatment went ok. I didn't get my shots as my B/P was WAAAY to high at 148/78 due to a bad attitude! Wonder why? I can also say that I was a little dehydrated also which isn't good but I still got radiated and went on my merry way home to listen to Barb want to screw someone's heads off and spit down their necks! She's so "crazy" at times! I wonder what would happen if I let her loose!
When we pull into the street I look at the back of Bobs house and it's looking so much better and by the way I had sent him a text message Sunday telling him they had started working on it and I get one back that he's in Montana and it's 55 degrees there this morning! We pull into my drive way and lo and behold "Digger" has made another clean out pile and he's getting under one of my last nerves! I pull up both of my traps head to the garage and get the wire brush out and start cleaning and fixing and sharpening traps! Now they snap through hard soil like a butter knife through my brother in laws steaks and ribs so I do believe hunting season has opened again!
Phones ringing this morning and I'm in the middle of trying to wake up! My neighbor Marina has a question about trees being cut by the guy who is trying to buy the neighborhood so he can get rich as a landlord and he's cutting her trees on her back property line. Then it's the pest control guy and then the hospital wanting to know if I could come in early for treatment and I tell you it was a crazy way to start the day!
I finally finish my mourning routine and set it aside and walk with Alan to their back yard fence line and look at him and kind of laugh and we both agree that what the guy is cutting is fine with Alan as it would have cost him about $500 to have paid it himself and these kids don't have that kind of cash laying around! I know I wouldn't complain if MY neighbor wanted to spend that kind of cash on tree trimming! After the Ice storms we've had and then add the flooding, this winter it’s going to be bad on us. I can just feel it, so Alan and I tell Marina that it's all good for her and she's ok but I still can't figure out one thing, why would you even start something like that and not be a good neighbor and ask if it's ok? I thought that's what neighbors were for?
The next thing is the pest control guy shows up and I'm thankful we're on a pre plan deal and it doesn't cost as we really need the service! I had found a roach in the bathroom last week and he was walking over my feeding tube equipment! YUCH! After all of the flooding we've had a bad bug problem and this is something I don't need, getting sick from bugs! I'm bad enough with my treatments without having something else happen!
And finally I'll go in early for my treatment today as Freddy has to get chemo and that's going to set him back so I'll take his place on the Tomo.
That's the funny thing about these machines, if they sit idle for to long they have to be reset and it apparently takes to long to reset them so they try to keep them running back to back on patients.
Barb and I both waited for Popeye's management to call us and I guess about 12:30 I took 1 of my naps and when my cell's alarm clock went off at 1:15 it's gotten really dark outside and the temperature has fallen almost 30 degrees! It's windy and there are branches falling out of my hickory tree and I have to dodge rain drops getting to the pick up truck so I can get to treatment! Just as I step out of the house and am kissing Barb bye the power goes off and that doesn't sit well with her!
I leave and on the way to the center a tree falls and takes out a power line close to the college! It's like a war zone out there now as there is lightening all around and heavy rain. I'm waiting for the hail and tornados but so far no call for them on the AM/FM. I go on in and see Diane my dental hygienist and she scolds me a little bit for not using my pain meds on a regular basis, like I really want to be walking around like a zombie (like I feel right now!) and for not trying to eat or swallow anything. She tells me I need to try to swallow something every day taste or no taste to keep my muscles working in my throat. Ok I tell her really not wanting to think about trying to force something tasteless down my neck!
Treatment done I head back and tell Barb and now it's HER turn to scold me and like a little kid and I wind up trying to eat a few spoonfuls of baked beans, yep tasteless, and a few of vanilla ice cream, just as tasteless but cold, and later she fixes me a popsicle and yes it has no taste! Don Rickles has more taste than I do right now! But I DID eat! I didn't enjoy it, but I worked muscles and a few parts that I haven't worked in a couple of weeks! Now let's see how the stomach feels in a while! Almost sounds like I was exercising or something there! LOL
But that's it for this day! I have another tomorrow by trying to drag Jerry down for a haircut and get a few things we need at Wal-Mart. I might even get to bed early tonight!
Yep got to bed really early last night at 1245! But, I was up at 0430 to turn off Brian's TV and to listen to the lightening hit and rain fall. Then again at 0545 for more lightening and rain and again at 0700 and gave up when it started lightening again at 0930! The good thing was we had a nice rain without flooding! I went out and set the traps for "Digger" and then came in for my am routine!
Finished that up and started making a few calls to try to get Brian's pay check! I call an 800 number Barb had gotten and lo and behold it's for Popeye's CORPORATE Offices and not a dinky little franchise! I talk to a young lady who "will send this up the line" as fast as she can! Didn't hear a peep out of anyone the rest of the day! But that didn't stop me as I was into keeping the log and one of the phone numbers went to the US Department of LABOR! Oh YEAH Baby! I talk to this lady and she gives me some www addys to look at and then she transfers me to the KCMO office and that's where this call goes south in a hand basket real fast! No one answers and all of the options they give you on the phone don't work but as I'm sitting there staring at the copy of the check that has bounced, You know the one the bank will send you with "insufficient funds" stamped on the front of it I read off to the right of the check that’s in this itty bitty tiny print," this copy may be used to secure the funds written"…HUH?!? Get the magnifying glass out for this! And that's what it says and I can also read the name of the bank! USBANK in 1 point font! OH YESSSS!!! Brian I yell! GET DRESSED we have got to GO! Barb look at this as I show her my discovery! It takes a few seconds for it to dawn on her what I was about to do and she does. She asks THE question!
WHAT?
I tell her that what it says is I can use this copy the bank sent me to get Brains money! She's balking, and I just tell her either get in the car and go with us or stay here!
At the bank I go up to the teller and he first thing I ask her as I show her the check is "is this YOUR bank" pointing at the check and routing number.
"Yes" is the answer I was looking for and that's what I got. Great 1-1
Next might be a little harder as I explain what has happened with Brian's pay and she says that's not right, the money should be in there! Ok, let's get it straight, I'm not a happy camper as you all know by now. I've explained this to Barb about 10 times and I KNOW any accountant worth his diploma knows this and should have $12345.67 to cover $12345.67 in checks! And I look at the teller and ask her my next biggie question worth $193.12,
"Is this money in the account"?
And before you get your hopes up her response is "well it should be, they wrote the check!"
OMFG, Please save me from mental giants! I want to bang my head on the counter!
OK can you check as Brian would really like to get paid for the work he's done and she's doing her, Oh, like, I know he would and like wow and I'm ready to fall to the floor with my hands around my neck!
I'm not quite at 2-2 on this score but she saves the play by starting to type on her keyboard, and there's enough to cover the check!
2 for 2! YESSS! As we're standing there I've already told Barb that there is no way in HELL we'll go through this crap again and from now on she can bring Brian down to cash the check's here and then deposit them later and my little angel of the bank goes, Oh there's a fee to cash checks if you don't have an account with us, which is $5.00 a check and Barb asks if we have an account and deposit it how much would it be for a bounced check charge and the girl actually has to look it up! Freaking $19 whole dollars! That's ok, we'll pay the $5 as it's cheaper in money and stress than going through this crap again with Popeye's!
I feel so sorry for those people who are making minimum wages and have no bank account as those five dollars will add up! But then again minimum wages should be enough of a shock that you'll try to better your self and get a better job than working for nothing and getting nothing in return!
We walk out of the bank feeling like we've accomplished something and I learned something and that's to LOOK at everything in front of you and not take things for granted and "face value" could be worth more than you "thought!"
Anyway Back at the house a trap has been sprung and I reset it. And call Brains work and let the manager know that I was able to get the check cashed and that they can forget about "calling" me now that he has been paid. I'm still a little leery that they are trying to get Brian to quit instead of firing him (so they don't have to pay unemployment benefits) and I go over with him a few things one of them being if they start joking with him be sure NOT to say the word quit! At all! It's been done before to let people go as all they have to do is say he said quit and use it against him! But Brian isn't as dumb as they think he is and he'll be there till I can find him a better place to work!
I get on down for my treatments and I've decided that I really don't want to take any more shots but I'll go in tomorrow and take them just to get an edge on myself. I'll hydrate up as best as I can and see what happens but Dr. Kim isn't very happy. I've been loosing way to much weight and he "ordered" me to try to do 2000 calories a day as I'm down to 134 pounds and look like my head has shrunk up like a gourd! It doesn't even fit in my mask! I actually am now wiggling up on the table to get the top of my head into the top of the mask and my cheeks, jaw and chin are just in there! I only have till Aug 1st, my last day on Radiation but then I'll still have 3 more chemo's but the thing is I'll still have to be using the Equate and Equal and the other stuff I have and I'll be running out of that maybe next week so I think I need to make a call tomorrow for some help!
I have got to get my weight back up! I went out to the little room on the car port and do an inventory and then come back in and get tomorrows "food supply" ready. That's going to be 4 cans of 250 calorie Glytrol, 2 cans of Boost at 240 cal, 2 cans of Equal 250 with fiber (I need the fiber!) and 1 bottle of Theragran-M at 350 calories for a total of 2330 calories! I might even go to Wendy's and get a shake and let it melt and run it in for an additional 400 calories! That ought to be good for at least a pound or to, to the plus side!
Thursday
Not much for today! I got a call early that the Tomo machine has a broken part and it's on the way and I "might" get in for treatment after 5pm today. No biggie!
I called a good friend, Jeanie, and she is going to send me another case of nutritional Drink as I'll run out of what I have about the time I'm finished with radiation treatments but I know I don't have enough to last the few weeks after as my throat and muscles repair themselves to where I'll be able to swallow and I'll still have a hard time then as My skull has actually shrunk! No kidding, it has! I actually slide around inside my mask and my cheeks, eyebrows, forehead and jaw don't fill in the mask! It's really scary! I wonder what or how much of my memories I've lost due to "loss" which I'm going to ask Dr Kim tomorrow during my check up. But I know that I'll be using dentures that were made before this trip and they were falling out of my mouth when I finally gave up trying to eat! I hope they can reline them and not have to make completely new ones as they were expensive as hell and I don't even have that kind of money! I'll use the old ones as long as I can and hope my mouth structure firms up so we can fix my "eating disorder"! HMMMMM STEAK! PIZZA! Anything as long as it has TASTE!
I take Jerry down to Clint's for his haircut and He asks me how he should get his hair cut and we actually have a father son type of talk! WOW! I figure out he's still thinking his mother will "chew him out" and he forgets that I'm the one giving him a break on how long his hair is allowed in "MY" home! Anyone who knew me when I was a "kid" knew me as the 'bald headed kid" as my Dad did the hair cutting in my bathroom and he only had 2 types of hair cut. Buzz cut and a flattop and I was lucky if the "flattop" was actually flat on top, cocked to the side, or front and rear! It all depended on his mood and if he was in a hurry or not! When I came home from my first year at Carlisle Military School, I owned a comb and he says it's time for a hair cut, I kinda laughed at him and told him not any more that he realized that yep they do grow up at a military school!
I tell Jerry that at his age and because he's now going into high school there is only 1 type of person he needs to impress now with his hair and the guys aren't it! I tell him he really needs to talk to this little girl he's texting all the time and get her to help him out there but it isn't until he's in the chair that I tell him he might as well get used to having a girl tell him what to do as it won't be long before that's going to happen anyway! Clint the Barber and every other man in the place laughs at that one and it's then Jerry realizes that women are nice to have around but why does it feel like there is a sand bag falling towards his head! Don't worry son, if you do right the woman you pick to be your "Better" half and will not let you goof up. Weather it be in hair cuts or your job! She'll be there through thick and thin to be sure you do it right every time and that’s her way! Right guys? LOL
We finish up and stop at Ace hardware as I need a pull string light socket for the closet in my bathroom and a couple of other things. A few days ago I had found a couple of flower packets I bought last year and misplaced and I also bought a small bag of Snap dragon seeds. When I got home I spread the seeds out in my oh so miserable flower gardens and hope I got them spread right and raked them in. I also went around and the Great Hunter has prevailed! Yes, "Mr. Digger" wasn't smart or fast enough to get out of the way of my superior intellect and cunning! He finally fell to one of my traps and is now fertilizing the lawn where he fell! A truly noble thing to do! I'll not miss the thrill of this hunt as autumn is around the corner and some other little beggar will attempt to make my lawn his home and well, He'll just have to take a number! LOL
Paula from the Center called and they have the Tomo machine back up and working and I to get my treatment at 6. I did weigh my self and I did NOT gain a freaking pound! Hell I didn't even gain a 10th of a pound and that makes me mad as I did 2330 calories and if I walked more than a half mile it was a miracle! I should have gained something! Well, I've finished another 2330 calories today and in the morning the first thing I do is 850 the way I've got it set up but I just might change the menu again and make it an even 1000 for breakfast! I just don't think I'll be able to bring myself around to blend bacon and eggs down to a shake to drink! Yeccccch!
Chapter 15
Chapter 15
07022008 Saturday
What should be one of my happiest weeks in my life became the worst week in my life this past week and I'll just condense it in this one week blog.
Sunday; I woke and was really sick most of the day and couldn't keep a thing in my stomach! As soon as it went in it came right back out! It was a really painful experience as my pain meds and my anti nausea meds didn't want to hang around and work! What makes me mad about this is I had gained 5 pounds by Friday and that was a GOOD thing! I bet I lost a couple today! DAMN!
Monday; I managed to get some Equal down for breakfast but brunch came back. I called down to the Center and was told not to even come as I wasn't hydrated enough for treatment. I didn't shed a tear at that news! Half of what I put in stayed I think but I tried! I got a care package from Jeanie! 2 cases of Nutren and 500 calorie cans at that! Oh that will cut down the number of cans a day! I might be "drinking" through a tube in my stomach but I can actually still taste it when I breathe and burp! That might be why I'm throwing up is due to it all tasting, like their "versions" of Vanilla! I think I'll get a case of Strawberry tomorrow just to add something different!
Tuesday; Everything I ate stayed in and was a fairly nice day! I swung down to Walgreen's and got a 6 pack of strawberry 350 calorie Equal and did one when I got home and it actually "tasted" good! Hard to believe but it has a nice "burp" to it! LOL! I went down for treatment but Dr. Kim didn't think it would be a good idea to do it from what I've been going through the past several days but to just keep myself hydrated and see you tomorrow!
Wednesday; Oh, this sucks! I go in for my chemo treatment and just to find out my white blood cell count fell, no plummeted down to 1.1 so Dr Holden has rescheduled my chemo until Aug 29th! Oh come on! I go around to Dr. Kim's office to let him know and he's not believing it and has my records brought in and sure enough it's to far down for us to finish my treatments and sets me up for another blood test on Friday to determine if I can finish my treatments. I only had 3 of them left and I was so freaking happy that I was going to "ring" out today! I was going to have my camera so I could film me ringing the bell and I was going to be on the phone with my baby sister so she could cry with me! Oh, how I HATE cancer! So I just go home and think about what's happening to me which doesn't do me much good! I'm able to hold everything down and actually got a whole 2300 calories to stick with me! That was a good thing as I weighed today and I was BACK down to 134 pounds!
Thursday; I get up and pour my breakfast in only to have it come back out! Great! I try an hour later and it stays so I guess I didn't want to eat when I got up! Everything else stayed in the rest of the day and when the mail came we had a nice surprise from Tootsie and Bill my sisters in-laws! They sent us a check to help us out with the bills. It always brings tears to my eyes when someone sends us something like this and especially from my baby sisters in-laws! She is so lucky that she actually has in-laws that aren't "in-laws" if you know what I mean! Bill and Tootsie are so nice and fun to be around! Thank you Bill and Tootsie!
The rest of the day goes ok and I hit the bed at 230.
Friday: I get up at 9am and eat and get ready to go down for my blood test. I get there and one of the nurses tells me I have a phone call. Sprint doesn't work in half of St Johns so she hands me the phone and it's Barbara telling me someone had broken out the passenger side window of the Lancer! Oh FREAKIN GREAT! I tell her to call 911 and I'll be home in a little while! The nurses are not believing what's happening (I was on their phone). They might be angles of mercy but if any of them were to get THEIR hands on the punk I don't think I could stand to watch! They were actually going to give him a free sex change operation! OOOOOOO!
Now I have to figure out where I'm going to get the money to fix the window as I haven't worked in over a month and I have people sending me money to help us keep our heads above water and some SOB wants to break a window out of MY car to steal…NOTHING! Oh he stole, but all he got was a box of handi-wipes, the plastic cover for the owner's manual along with the registration and insurance card for the car and an envelope full of counter deposit checks! No, not regular deposit checks but the ones where you have to put in the numbers! Freakin looser moron got nothing, but I get stuck with the cost of a new window! I have cancer, no pay check coming in and sissy baby boy has to steal from me! He probably has more money in his pocket than I do! If I had been awake he would have felt a .45 screwed into his ear! And I know I might have really had to work from putting 7 pounds of pressure on the trigger! I hate a thief and I especially hate a thief that steals from someone having a really hard time in life! It's like a bully picking on a handicapped person!
It turns out that he actually got Henry the night before me and the couple who lives across the street from them Friday and then the kids who live across the street from me and down 1 house Friday while they were doing band practice! I find all of this out when I canvass the neighborhood to see if anyone might have seen anything and to also warn my neighbors about "my" break in! Now I'm warning them that we're having a spree and to be extra careful as not everyone has a garage.
Barbara had called 911 at 10am and by 1500 no cops have shown up so I call them back and the 911 operator sends me to another number and I talk to an officer who tells me that I can actually do the report over the phone and she's sorry but with the fair in town it's a little hectic for the police department. I tell her no problem and give her the information and also request a roving patrol to come through at night and tell her about the other break ins that have happened and she doesn't have a problem with doing that report for me also! I just hope they have good hunting! REALLY good hunting!
Jerry has a few of his friends over tonight and they are all out on the deck out back and I go out to sit with them for a few minutes and Jerry has his BB gun out there with him and I look at it and ask him about it and he kinda shrugs his shoulders and Eric pops up and says "it's for a thief if we see one" and I laugh and tell them just to be sure the guys running towards them and to put a knife in his hands if they get lucky enough!
I go back in and get ready for bed, wondering what can happen tomorrow and how much it'll cost me to open my eyes in the morning!
07022008 Saturday
What should be one of my happiest weeks in my life became the worst week in my life this past week and I'll just condense it in this one week blog.
Sunday; I woke and was really sick most of the day and couldn't keep a thing in my stomach! As soon as it went in it came right back out! It was a really painful experience as my pain meds and my anti nausea meds didn't want to hang around and work! What makes me mad about this is I had gained 5 pounds by Friday and that was a GOOD thing! I bet I lost a couple today! DAMN!
Monday; I managed to get some Equal down for breakfast but brunch came back. I called down to the Center and was told not to even come as I wasn't hydrated enough for treatment. I didn't shed a tear at that news! Half of what I put in stayed I think but I tried! I got a care package from Jeanie! 2 cases of Nutren and 500 calorie cans at that! Oh that will cut down the number of cans a day! I might be "drinking" through a tube in my stomach but I can actually still taste it when I breathe and burp! That might be why I'm throwing up is due to it all tasting, like their "versions" of Vanilla! I think I'll get a case of Strawberry tomorrow just to add something different!
Tuesday; Everything I ate stayed in and was a fairly nice day! I swung down to Walgreen's and got a 6 pack of strawberry 350 calorie Equal and did one when I got home and it actually "tasted" good! Hard to believe but it has a nice "burp" to it! LOL! I went down for treatment but Dr. Kim didn't think it would be a good idea to do it from what I've been going through the past several days but to just keep myself hydrated and see you tomorrow!
Wednesday; Oh, this sucks! I go in for my chemo treatment and just to find out my white blood cell count fell, no plummeted down to 1.1 so Dr Holden has rescheduled my chemo until Aug 29th! Oh come on! I go around to Dr. Kim's office to let him know and he's not believing it and has my records brought in and sure enough it's to far down for us to finish my treatments and sets me up for another blood test on Friday to determine if I can finish my treatments. I only had 3 of them left and I was so freaking happy that I was going to "ring" out today! I was going to have my camera so I could film me ringing the bell and I was going to be on the phone with my baby sister so she could cry with me! Oh, how I HATE cancer! So I just go home and think about what's happening to me which doesn't do me much good! I'm able to hold everything down and actually got a whole 2300 calories to stick with me! That was a good thing as I weighed today and I was BACK down to 134 pounds!
Thursday; I get up and pour my breakfast in only to have it come back out! Great! I try an hour later and it stays so I guess I didn't want to eat when I got up! Everything else stayed in the rest of the day and when the mail came we had a nice surprise from Tootsie and Bill my sisters in-laws! They sent us a check to help us out with the bills. It always brings tears to my eyes when someone sends us something like this and especially from my baby sisters in-laws! She is so lucky that she actually has in-laws that aren't "in-laws" if you know what I mean! Bill and Tootsie are so nice and fun to be around! Thank you Bill and Tootsie!
The rest of the day goes ok and I hit the bed at 230.
Friday: I get up at 9am and eat and get ready to go down for my blood test. I get there and one of the nurses tells me I have a phone call. Sprint doesn't work in half of St Johns so she hands me the phone and it's Barbara telling me someone had broken out the passenger side window of the Lancer! Oh FREAKIN GREAT! I tell her to call 911 and I'll be home in a little while! The nurses are not believing what's happening (I was on their phone). They might be angles of mercy but if any of them were to get THEIR hands on the punk I don't think I could stand to watch! They were actually going to give him a free sex change operation! OOOOOOO!
Now I have to figure out where I'm going to get the money to fix the window as I haven't worked in over a month and I have people sending me money to help us keep our heads above water and some SOB wants to break a window out of MY car to steal…NOTHING! Oh he stole, but all he got was a box of handi-wipes, the plastic cover for the owner's manual along with the registration and insurance card for the car and an envelope full of counter deposit checks! No, not regular deposit checks but the ones where you have to put in the numbers! Freakin looser moron got nothing, but I get stuck with the cost of a new window! I have cancer, no pay check coming in and sissy baby boy has to steal from me! He probably has more money in his pocket than I do! If I had been awake he would have felt a .45 screwed into his ear! And I know I might have really had to work from putting 7 pounds of pressure on the trigger! I hate a thief and I especially hate a thief that steals from someone having a really hard time in life! It's like a bully picking on a handicapped person!
It turns out that he actually got Henry the night before me and the couple who lives across the street from them Friday and then the kids who live across the street from me and down 1 house Friday while they were doing band practice! I find all of this out when I canvass the neighborhood to see if anyone might have seen anything and to also warn my neighbors about "my" break in! Now I'm warning them that we're having a spree and to be extra careful as not everyone has a garage.
Barbara had called 911 at 10am and by 1500 no cops have shown up so I call them back and the 911 operator sends me to another number and I talk to an officer who tells me that I can actually do the report over the phone and she's sorry but with the fair in town it's a little hectic for the police department. I tell her no problem and give her the information and also request a roving patrol to come through at night and tell her about the other break ins that have happened and she doesn't have a problem with doing that report for me also! I just hope they have good hunting! REALLY good hunting!
Jerry has a few of his friends over tonight and they are all out on the deck out back and I go out to sit with them for a few minutes and Jerry has his BB gun out there with him and I look at it and ask him about it and he kinda shrugs his shoulders and Eric pops up and says "it's for a thief if we see one" and I laugh and tell them just to be sure the guys running towards them and to put a knife in his hands if they get lucky enough!
I go back in and get ready for bed, wondering what can happen tomorrow and how much it'll cost me to open my eyes in the morning!
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