Chapter 30 Can I ramble on or what?

Chapter 30
Can I ramble on or what?

I’m getting to know about all kinds of medical tests! It’s actually interesting to find out what can be done with technology!

The newest addition to my growing list of medical things done to me is the ENG or Electronystagmogram, and what it does is measures involuntary rapid eye movements called nystagmus and evaluates the muscles controlling eye movements. No, I cannot pronounce any of the words with more than eight letters!

I can say it was actually fun to do as I didn’t have any needles pushed into veins or drink nasty pasty chalky drinks or get shot with radioactive beams!

I got to wear the coolest riding goggles I’ve seen! We’re talking Star Wars and other scifi stuff! These goggles have cameras in them to look at the eyes and muscles and have covers that the technician flips down do you are in the dark and can’t see.

The test took about 45 minutes and you sit upright, lay down roll onto both sides move you head into different angles and watch red lights on a light bar move back and forth up and down.

It was interesting to say the least and when I was done I talked to the girl and I told her that it seemed that when I was in the dark with the covers down that I thought that my eyes did not want to stay “looking” in the same direction. I was supposed to look at a certain “spot” on the wall when I could not see anyway! She agreed and then she said most people don’t release that they do this. Well I’m not most people! She tells me that the doctor will see me next week and I check out and go into the waiting room to wait for Barbara to get back as she had to see a doctor also!

As I walked into the waiting room I see one of my old nurses from my cancer team. I walked over and asked her “don’t I know you?” in a joking way and said” your name is Donna isn’t it!” and she smiled and asked how I was doing and said I must be doing good as I looked pretty good!”
Me I look at this mug every day and I can’t agree with her but I thanked her any way and we talked for a while until Barbara came and we said our good byes and headed home.

Next week arrives and I go in to see what the ENG came up with and oh yeah I now get more medical terms that describe my life!

I seems that radiation and brain surgery has caused another problem as if I didn’t already realize this! Me from not going to a doctor unless I was bleeding out of every pore of my body or threatened my my wife is starting to “see” things in a different light like X-Ray vision!

The new medical terms, yes, terms, plural, or for those of you like me who need a better description, more than one term! They are called Vestibular Neuronitis (http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/794489-overview ) AND Vestibular Neuropathy (http://www.cs.umb.edu/~dqg/newone/balance_stories.htm )
or as the doctor puts it “Your right ear took too much damage from radiation and surgery.” As we talk she is giving me a list of exercises and that I’ll need to get some therapy. If I want, Tai Chi classes she said will help and we talk more and the killer hits. No Mr. Purdy, I do not think you’ll be driving big trucks any more unless the therapy works as I hope it will, but…. It’s the darn BUT that hit the floor making a nasty sound as she continues, I don’t think we’ll have that much success.

I think somewhere in my larger than life files in St Johns computer system it says: DO NOT SUGAR COAT TEST RESULTS WITH PATIENT! HE CAN HANDLE IT! I made that clear 2 years ago. I’m a straight shooter and I don’t want the happy stuff blown up my six! Give it to me straight!

Well I guess she did and I did not want to hear THAT! Here I am, wanting my life back, and it seems like that is not going to happen! Me, I can agree with her. There is no freight out there worth me dying for or me killing an innocent motorist because I need to pay bills, get out of the house and get back to work driving something that can weigh 80,000 pounds down the road. I can lose my CDL (commercial drivers license) if I can’t get the dizziness and vertigo to stop. I have a hard enough time RIDING in the car and I’ve even driven a couple of times. I’ve made it home and it wasn’t as fun as I remember driving to be. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have the bike any more as that wreck could hurt!

Therefore, it looks like my driving days are at an end. At least truck driving and the way I make a living to support my family! This stupid disability is not worth much as I am used to making in a week what I’m getting in a whole month! Try it some time! It’s way over rated! Trust me on this! How do people enjoy being on disability who can work but are the ones that ruin it for those who must be on it! Poverty level living sucks big time!

My only hopes at work is something I can do while sitting in front of a computer. I can talk to people except for stupid people like creditors! I actually broke my 16 year old phone while slamming it down on a Sprint creditor! Yep, temper, temper as if Selixa is going to “keep me calm” with that moron! A bottle full of them running through my veins would not have stopped me from reaching through the phone and strangling someone who so desperately needed to be choked to the floor!

That’s one job I can’t do. Call and harass someone like me that can’t pay to cross the street if it cost a nickel! This town is getting to be like Buffalo, Ny., bringing in call centers and saying that the economy is improving! Look at our unemployment rate now! It’s going down!! Yeah right! Call centers is not real work! As soon as every one gets back to work at a real job making honest money and paying their bills then the next wave of unemployed hits the market. The out of work credit collectors! What a vicious circle it is!

Maybe Prime will hire an old truck driver or one of the other companies (except for my old company!) or maybe I can do a convenience store! Who knows, as with all this new medical information in my head I still can get one of the 20-30 medical jobs that are posted through the state employment site every day! Keep dreaming there slick!

As I posted on my Twitter thingie, yeah I’ve bitten that hook also! It’s time to start a new life as I can’t get my old life back! I’ll start by looking back and crying at what I’ve been through, what I’ve lost and what I can still lose and then I’m going to laugh at all of that same things as when I look back at it all I CAN do is laugh!

I had a Face Book friend that had posted a few weeks ago”Cancer stole all my dreams” and I posted back “Yes, Cancer stole all my dreams and I made more dreams to follow.” She did not like it and we’re no longer friends. I guess it’s a good thing that I CAN look back and cry, laugh and make more dreams to follow. Now I need to change those dreams into a new life!

I’ll let you know how that works out for me.