A new year is starting for me. But here is a short summary since my last update.
6 years ago Doctor Kim told me after 40 radiation treatments 6 chemos a few surgeries and unfortunately a few more to come and I'll bet a couple more if I decide to have them, that I was cancer free.
I asked him when we started this roller coaster ride if he could give me at least 5 years. I was stage 4 and surgery was not an option. I'm so glad as I've seen the damage that kind of surgery would have done. I got ugly enough from all that radiation to the face! But I just wanted to see my son graduate and then head out on a path in life. Still waiting on that as this town bleeds jobs and he doesn't have a chance at the military due to a small back problem. He worked hard to get into tech school which is better than nothing and then we'll see where he heads off to as most children will do.
I beat the odds for the first 5 years so now to beat odds they have not published as I am a new case to follow.
As I said it's been 6 years.
A magical number in the world of cancer or any are when adding up how long it's been!
I've lived a fistful of years so far so I guess the number has meaning that you hold a fistful of life and now time to fill up the other hand.
Problem with that is cancer, the gift that just keeps on giving, struck after just 1 year when the radiation that saved my life, caused a tumor to grow. Yeah, when they finally took it out it had grown to just over 1/2 inch in diameter in 6 months and man could I feel it! Oh yeah I could! But I guess it was in my freaking brain that it might not have much bearing on that matter as with a pimple on your face, you just feel it there or that bump on your body or that full feeling when you eat, I could feel it grow and aspirin didn't help and the blood clot it caused my body to make that was what made them look a little closer as I am not really a candidate for them, and find something that in Aug 09 was just a pin point on a CT scan and a "don't worry about it" from the doctors until my right leg swelled up and well the gift from hell hatches!
1/2 inch growth in my brain which is in an enclosed case with NO pressure relief valve and it was time to discuss surgery which you all have read about earlier and, it's almost 4 years since then.
Cancer was the start to this but I survived cancer! I was back to work and then a tumor caused by the radiation that saved my life is what has caused me to become disabled from the surgery to remove the thing I could feel growing in my head.
I so feel for Gabby Giffords. She had no choice in the matter the same as any head trauma patient. Having your brain violated by anything is horrific enough but the after effect from that surgery has been more than a little trying.
Then there is the surgery to remove an HPV from my sinuses and then the stretching of my throat so I can get food down which even with Botox injections they really weren't much help and the weirdest thing I've seen as my doctor is my tongue. It's deteriorating from inside, maybe an effect of radiation. Yep, the movies have it right, radiation does cause deformities! LOL! So far no replies to any of his requests from other doctors who have seen this. Guess I'm the only human alive with this! Yah, I have something no one else has! I'll gladly give it and the Ripleys claim to anyone who wants it!
Then what I didn't expect. My wife left me. That is after I get arrested for domestic battery for doing what I was told to do by the police! I was homeless for a week only to find out that the restraining order against me had been denied by the judge so I could have gone home that day, not sleep under trees and bushes, a homeless shelter and a pithole motel! She even stole my dads 1911 .45 that had a date stamp of August 1913! Dad had that gun since it was issued to him! Mom gave it to me when he passed because it was in the will and some moron SPD cop tells her it was "community property" as if he's a judge and she sells it to her ....boyfriend... for $300 which he never paid her but a gun 1 year younger than mine sold for $5000 on Ebay and it didn't have the .22 conversion kit! Yep, she got took and I got, well screwed! Jerry Reid you got it wrong son!! LOL
The year of 2013 sucked even worse as the water heater cracked and cost $600 or my whole tax return! Then the refrigerator died and all that food went and it was well stocked and to top it all I find out that because I have a fuse panel not a circuit breaker I can't find an insurance company to cover my home any more because mine dropped me because they actually supported this ACA and now one of the first questions asked is do you have a fuse panel! If yes, they won't take your money! And the Bank is not going to take mine if I can't find insurance! They won't even let me have just their dwelling insurance! I don't have the money to replace it which the total so far is over $3500 for everything the city requires!
Of course the water damage done when the water line in the boys bathroom busted and to the idiot who invented OSB I hope you are buried in a casket made of the crap!
My computer died and I had to replace it. I hate Windows 8 without a touch screen!
Now good news!
I start a new life today! Yeah!
I also have things coming back on line after so much radiation!
I am now having to shave my cheeks every other day! I haven't bought razor blades since 2008 for my razor! I had 1 blade left that I used for trim ups but it was past dull! Now I have a tray of 5 razor blades and use them every other day. I have a little hair returning under my jaw line but here's hoping that I can grow my grey beard back this winter!
I am also producing more slava! Radiation dried them all out and I lost the first stage of digestion and the lube to get food down my throat.
I had a scare a few months ago when I went to brush my mouth and while inspecting the thing I call my tongue I noticed a white "growth" and waited for my appt with my Ear, Nose and Throat guy and he asked me if I was tasting tomato and spices better and I had to admit that yes I had a taste explosion a few week ago and was actually eating PIZZA! No kidding I can beat pizza down enough with my gums and tongue that the pain of swallowing is well worth the beautiful taste! Papa Johns was the first whole pizza piece I have had since maybe Sept 2008! Yes I cried!
Oh. The "growth" on my tongue was a taste bud! Regrouping! One for tomato and acids!
I also finally with the VA after 39 years. I didn't ever apply because we are always at war and those kids needed the VA more than I did at the time until I broke down and got in line for those VA benefits I heard I might still have because I now need them! I went in for a full physical and lab workup and they pretty much liked what they saw even after what I've been through but didn't like the readings my Thyroid was giving so they put me on this tiny little pill smaller than a chewable aspirin to take once a day which because of a restriction on eating calcium four hours before or after taking it I got up at 4 am to take the only pill I “had” to take! I'm done with the pills but they sneak in and work then disappear.
Now, I will admit I have been battling trying to gain weight. The good news is I have hit 130 pounds! That's my high school weight and my Army graduation weight after basic Training! I have held 129 pounds for 3 days!
Y E S ! My weight gain is slow and strange. I weigh at bed time and show say at 130 and in the morning I weigh 2-3 pounds less! I eat just before I go to bed so where is that sleep gain?
Arm pumps and Snoopy Dances of Joy! I hope I have seen the last of 109 pounds! If it takes a pill then I'll take a pill to keep this weight back on! I won't have to buy new smaller clothes but I will have to buy a few new regular me sized to replace worn out clothes for winter time! Hey Santa! I kept you going for years how about a drop off this year! 30” Wrangler boot cut jeans, med snap up flannel any design shirts and matching base color long sleeved T Shirts will be just fine!! LOL! Or the winning lottery number!
Lets add this up.
Taste is coming back.
Beard is growing back.
Slava production coming back.
Still a PITA to eat real food even though I still cook real food for the son on occasion and because I want to “taste” something! I do miss eating food. A nibble is like going to a nude club. Pay to look but don't touch? Yeah try cooking and not eating what you cook! Forcing food down the throat is not fun either but have to do that once a day for the fiber and to fill up the hole nutrient drinks can't.
Slowly but surely I am coming back to life. So good in fact, my oncologist has put me on a YEARLY CHECKUP! No more quarterly or bi yearly it's now just once a year! YEAH! That's like graduating from Junior High School to High School!
I call the above improvements.
Something new;
I have taken up a little fun sport. It has helped me in exercising in ways no gym or hospital therapy even came close to helping with vertigo, balance and post surgery pain in the brain, tiredness, sleeplessness, grouchy old man syndrome and a few other problems.
Yeah, it's what is called an extreme sport but paragliding or flying has always been a favorite of mine and after the past 2 years of watching videos on YT and Vimeo I bought an old wing on Ebay, an Ozone Buzz (that old, no letter for the model number) a new Ozo harness, broke the old motorcycle helmet and good riding gloves out of the garage and a good pair of boots and hit the soccer field and am plowing the field and getting short flatland glides but the art of learning how to handle the wing on the ground is fun, scary, hard and exhilarating but sweaty (something I seldom saw after cancer treatments) and unless a 20+ MPH gust takes me for a slide, I get more freedom of movement because as it is a natural wind exercise, there are NO set moves as in a gym. You go with the wind!
The wind moves and I must move with it to keep the glider inflated and over my head. I can't wait to fly! Speed flying? Yeah but it's a year or two away!
My cane?
I am now carrying it just to prop my tired ass up with, NOT walk with as much unless I am actually tired as in after my everyday 1 mile forced military cadence march. I also have started the old dirty dozen from my Army days and muscle mass is starting to show and if you are counting my ribs you'll need an old picture to see how many are NOT showing! I also know where these said muscles are as they complain as in the days of old after a day on the field....SORE but I know I still have a few! No pain NO GAIN and I'm GAINING!
Yes, I still have issues with sudden sideways movement and bending down and coming up but it seems that is slowly fading away. Yes, a few of my military friends have an issue of me flying but they have ALL jumped from perfectly good aircraft so their worries are mute! They went Ranger, Seal and AF Rescue but hey I did just as crazy when I was in and never forgot!
As I have said and will keep on saying “I worked to hard and went through hell to live” and LIVE I will do, just not watching grass grow or paint dry even though a can of paint, a brush and a brick wall can sound exciting to some, it's NOT in my ever after forever future! I didn't fight to sit and wither so stop helping me across the street guys! LOL!
I ain't dying till I say it's time and that ain't nowhere in any immediate future of any dimension in any time or space!
All the gods above and below will have a very hard time “calling me home!”
It won't be long when pictures and video will show up so be surprised!
Blue Skies!
George
Any pilots? Comment PLEASE if you paraglide!
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Monday, December 16, 2013
Today is Happy Dance day for me!!!!!!
I did something I haven't done since July 2008 while getting radiated on a 40 radiation routine.
I finally weighed in at 130 pounds!!!
The day I rang out of my last radiation treatment I weighed 122 pounds!
I went back to work, screwed up because I shouldn't have and got fired. I got back to work but one of those gifts that cancer loves to give you even if you don't want those gifts was weighing in at 129 pounds and find out that I have a tumor in the brain and get it cut out.
That didn't help a lot because they had to cut a muscle to my jaw to open my head so I don't get to stuff my mouth like many get to because not only did the cut muscle not help me to eat but because my skull is still shrinking from all that radiation and that includes my jaw to the point that the new reline on my dentures donated to me was a waste of money because I can't even get them in my mouth and if I do I can't get food in there for them to do what teeth do. Mash up food, so I still drink my meals and force something down as I do need the solid stuff and the added damage of radiation to the mouth eating is a chore and I lost that weight I had gained all the way down to 109 pounds. That was my worst weight loss since Cancer came to live with me and my wife left me and I do believe that most of that weight loss was from a broken heart as weight just melted off me and I struggled to keep it on.
The VA concerned about a reading from my blood work put me on a tiny little pill and it is whats helping me gain back that weight I need to hold up pants and Tidy Whities! Ain't nothing like having your Tidy Whities falling off of you from under your jeans!
But this is an announcement I just had to make as Hopefully I can keep gaining as this is my entrance weight when I enlisted into the Army 17 Nov 1971 and the weight I weighed when I graduated no matter how hard Drill Sargent Miller forced me to eat at the front of every mess hall line till he could not figure out why I would not gain weight! How many of my military family ever got the front spot at mess call during basic and then made to go through it again 3 times a day even if we were eating "C" Rats and that was bordering on torture to have to eat 2 of those at a time when out in the field!
But it's slowly coming back, I won't have to buy any more pants to keep up with the shrinkage. The broken heart might someday heal and heck I might find someone to give me a hug every once in a while to keep it patched and I figure out that another day is around the corner that I will get to live through and have to work to make it a better day than the day before it!
Cancer sucks.
Being alone sucks.
Living sucks.
But I live and will keep on fighting to live just to see what the heck happens next! Hey, when you volunteer to live by taking what I took to stay alive, I am not about to quit or give up as the world is going to hell in a hand basket and I want to see where it is when it's time to check out!
That was todays Face Book post. I'm sorry that I have been remiss the last year so with any real blogs as to my health and yada yada yada! I have only blogged about snakes police and NYC lately. I'll try to bring my 5 followers and the others up to speed about the past 2 years and this is another story that you have to live to believe but I sure did live through it..
Yeah, I could have gone on but most of my FB friends know I'm not in the fast lane anymore and I'll be out in the pasture strolling along at my own pace staying on the side giving my advice! I'll blog more this following week as I haven't even kept this on “paper” as this has been the year from hell and I thought cancer then brain surgery was bad. Yes, this is a story to tell!
I guess I'll go back to last summer, August to be exact when all hell broke lose here at home but I promise to fill you all in and we'll see IF there really IS life after cancer or if I just show that life after cancer is just life.
See y'all soon I promise!
I can note that dying from a broken heart could be possible but whats the point? Damn, I hate asking questions I have to find an answer for. I'll never learn will I or is that a point to ponder also?
Comments are welcome!
George
PS: I am wondering if the broken heart got mended by a lovely young lady who for some odd reason sat and talked with me for an hour while at a graduation party for my daughter. Oh, she got her BA in Justice Admin so I was already a happy Daddy with a B- average! But this young lady gave me attention I haven't seen in years I think she might be the reason I'm gaining weight and aren't so broken hearted any more and all we did was talk at a party.
Thank you to the owner of that beautiful smile:)
I did something I haven't done since July 2008 while getting radiated on a 40 radiation routine.
I finally weighed in at 130 pounds!!!
The day I rang out of my last radiation treatment I weighed 122 pounds!
I went back to work, screwed up because I shouldn't have and got fired. I got back to work but one of those gifts that cancer loves to give you even if you don't want those gifts was weighing in at 129 pounds and find out that I have a tumor in the brain and get it cut out.
That didn't help a lot because they had to cut a muscle to my jaw to open my head so I don't get to stuff my mouth like many get to because not only did the cut muscle not help me to eat but because my skull is still shrinking from all that radiation and that includes my jaw to the point that the new reline on my dentures donated to me was a waste of money because I can't even get them in my mouth and if I do I can't get food in there for them to do what teeth do. Mash up food, so I still drink my meals and force something down as I do need the solid stuff and the added damage of radiation to the mouth eating is a chore and I lost that weight I had gained all the way down to 109 pounds. That was my worst weight loss since Cancer came to live with me and my wife left me and I do believe that most of that weight loss was from a broken heart as weight just melted off me and I struggled to keep it on.
The VA concerned about a reading from my blood work put me on a tiny little pill and it is whats helping me gain back that weight I need to hold up pants and Tidy Whities! Ain't nothing like having your Tidy Whities falling off of you from under your jeans!
But this is an announcement I just had to make as Hopefully I can keep gaining as this is my entrance weight when I enlisted into the Army 17 Nov 1971 and the weight I weighed when I graduated no matter how hard Drill Sargent Miller forced me to eat at the front of every mess hall line till he could not figure out why I would not gain weight! How many of my military family ever got the front spot at mess call during basic and then made to go through it again 3 times a day even if we were eating "C" Rats and that was bordering on torture to have to eat 2 of those at a time when out in the field!
But it's slowly coming back, I won't have to buy any more pants to keep up with the shrinkage. The broken heart might someday heal and heck I might find someone to give me a hug every once in a while to keep it patched and I figure out that another day is around the corner that I will get to live through and have to work to make it a better day than the day before it!
Cancer sucks.
Being alone sucks.
Living sucks.
But I live and will keep on fighting to live just to see what the heck happens next! Hey, when you volunteer to live by taking what I took to stay alive, I am not about to quit or give up as the world is going to hell in a hand basket and I want to see where it is when it's time to check out!
That was todays Face Book post. I'm sorry that I have been remiss the last year so with any real blogs as to my health and yada yada yada! I have only blogged about snakes police and NYC lately. I'll try to bring my 5 followers and the others up to speed about the past 2 years and this is another story that you have to live to believe but I sure did live through it..
Yeah, I could have gone on but most of my FB friends know I'm not in the fast lane anymore and I'll be out in the pasture strolling along at my own pace staying on the side giving my advice! I'll blog more this following week as I haven't even kept this on “paper” as this has been the year from hell and I thought cancer then brain surgery was bad. Yes, this is a story to tell!
I guess I'll go back to last summer, August to be exact when all hell broke lose here at home but I promise to fill you all in and we'll see IF there really IS life after cancer or if I just show that life after cancer is just life.
See y'all soon I promise!
I can note that dying from a broken heart could be possible but whats the point? Damn, I hate asking questions I have to find an answer for. I'll never learn will I or is that a point to ponder also?
Comments are welcome!
George
PS: I am wondering if the broken heart got mended by a lovely young lady who for some odd reason sat and talked with me for an hour while at a graduation party for my daughter. Oh, she got her BA in Justice Admin so I was already a happy Daddy with a B- average! But this young lady gave me attention I haven't seen in years I think she might be the reason I'm gaining weight and aren't so broken hearted any more and all we did was talk at a party.
Thank you to the owner of that beautiful smile:)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Another day of a trucker in NYC!
Another day of a trucker in NYC!
Most of you know I’m an old truck driver. Been doing it for many years. I’ve been to every major and minor city in the USA. I would loved to have been able to drive on the rest of the worlds more challenging roads just for kicks! I have seen every kind of backing or turning challenge there could be and this is a story I think some of you might like!
I delivered in NYC and was making a really tight right with cars parked all the way to the stop signs on all four corners. The streets were 2 lanes only with cars parked on the sides as usual in Manhattans lower east side mixed residential business areas.
I had slid the tandems and the 5th wheel all the way forward and the unit was as short as I could get that 379 Pete with the 340” wheel base and 48' trailer and still had to do that right. I had a few cops there that made cars go back and I backed up and then got on the left side of my street and was making the turn and was real close to the car on the opposite corner that was parked illegally under the stop sign.
At the same time, my trailer tandems are sliding to the rear (I leave them unlocked in these circumstances so I don’t have to jump out and run back and pull the lock. This way when I pull the “trolley or hand brake) The tandems are already loose and when they slide to the back there is no tail swing which can eat the side out of a car. They were sliding making a loud clacking noise as one of the locking pins was hitting the holes in the rail as it slid past them. Needless to say I was getting a lot of attention. OH! Before you ask I had to go on this route to get to a building that was being remolded and I had 3 fire proof doors in that large trailer!
This woman came running out of a store screaming at me in some language I could not understand waving her arms and jumping up and down having the conniption fit of the century! I sweat I thought she was going to have a freaking heart attack!
I had the left side of the tractor next to her car about 2" from her mirror and the trailer was OVER her hood! The cops were standing there actually passing money on the bet which was a 2 way bet of weather I broke her windshield or didn’t make the turn which I got in by yelling at them to put $20 on the bet on me. This is when it got funny as hell!
The crowd that had been standing there watching started to laugh as I kept making my turn. The woman is still screaming and was now in the face of one of the cops still waving her arms like a dodo trying to take flight, the front left corner of the trailer got about an inch from her windshield and the cops were leaning over the hood watching this and elbowing each other but I made the turn, slid the tandems back to the front, got out and collected my $60 in winnings locked the tandems in place and watched the cops write the woman a parking ticket!
Hey! I love driving in NYC! The pay is good. I get to meet great people and scare the crap out of them!
Most of you know I’m an old truck driver. Been doing it for many years. I’ve been to every major and minor city in the USA. I would loved to have been able to drive on the rest of the worlds more challenging roads just for kicks! I have seen every kind of backing or turning challenge there could be and this is a story I think some of you might like!
I delivered in NYC and was making a really tight right with cars parked all the way to the stop signs on all four corners. The streets were 2 lanes only with cars parked on the sides as usual in Manhattans lower east side mixed residential business areas.
I had slid the tandems and the 5th wheel all the way forward and the unit was as short as I could get that 379 Pete with the 340” wheel base and 48' trailer and still had to do that right. I had a few cops there that made cars go back and I backed up and then got on the left side of my street and was making the turn and was real close to the car on the opposite corner that was parked illegally under the stop sign.
At the same time, my trailer tandems are sliding to the rear (I leave them unlocked in these circumstances so I don’t have to jump out and run back and pull the lock. This way when I pull the “trolley or hand brake) The tandems are already loose and when they slide to the back there is no tail swing which can eat the side out of a car. They were sliding making a loud clacking noise as one of the locking pins was hitting the holes in the rail as it slid past them. Needless to say I was getting a lot of attention. OH! Before you ask I had to go on this route to get to a building that was being remolded and I had 3 fire proof doors in that large trailer!
This woman came running out of a store screaming at me in some language I could not understand waving her arms and jumping up and down having the conniption fit of the century! I sweat I thought she was going to have a freaking heart attack!
I had the left side of the tractor next to her car about 2" from her mirror and the trailer was OVER her hood! The cops were standing there actually passing money on the bet which was a 2 way bet of weather I broke her windshield or didn’t make the turn which I got in by yelling at them to put $20 on the bet on me. This is when it got funny as hell!
The crowd that had been standing there watching started to laugh as I kept making my turn. The woman is still screaming and was now in the face of one of the cops still waving her arms like a dodo trying to take flight, the front left corner of the trailer got about an inch from her windshield and the cops were leaning over the hood watching this and elbowing each other but I made the turn, slid the tandems back to the front, got out and collected my $60 in winnings locked the tandems in place and watched the cops write the woman a parking ticket!
Hey! I love driving in NYC! The pay is good. I get to meet great people and scare the crap out of them!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Bird watching in the Burbs! An experence of life!
It has been an interesting week in the suburbs of Springfield!
Tuesday I was talking with my neighbor in her driveway directly across the street from my house when our resident Broad Winged Hawk started his noisy "this is my territory" screaming as he flew to one of his perches. About 30 seconds later another hawk flew across the top of my house away from him and then into the trees surrounding my neighbors house across the other street.
Ok to make this clear: My house is on a corner lot It's a T intersection/corner and the streets run N-S and E-W. This town is a perfect N,S,E,W grid pattern! My house is on the N-S street (NE corner) facing due west and my lady neighbor.
The 2nd hawk flew from north to south over my house and then over Mikes house into the trees behind him. Mike lives across the street from me to the south! Phyllis another neighbor is to my SW.
Anyway, Lucrisha (neighbor to the west) and I were facing my house or east and I see something heading towards up and as I look up a male Broad Winged Hawk lands on the top of the power pole next to the street corner (SW corner) and as we are looking up at him a distance of about 30' here comes another BW Hark and lands next to him and it's a female! The are cooing to each other and the Resident BW Hawk is screaming like crazy and these two look towards him and scream at him for about a minute then fly over Phyllis's house and land in a tree there then keep heading to the south and landing and looking around until out of sight!
That it was beyond "way cool" to us that they landed on that pole was just a fantastic Kodak moment with no freaking camera!
The rest of the week was hawks screaming and all the usual birds at the feeder!
Today I add another notch to the binoculars!
I changed the filters in the AC/Heater unit and as I hobbled out to the trash can (SW corner by the car port) I heard this loud Keening Kec Kec Kec that sounded almost familiar and as I turned towards where it came from and leaned to look around the corner of the house and roof a large bird flew over me and I mean almost directly over me at about 10' up! It landed in the tree in my front yard. I have no idea after 12 years living here what kind it is but that it grows like a bush but not higher than 15-20' high. It's also just west of the front yard bird feeder that is empty but one of the resident Cardinals was sitting in it at the moment and freaked when this big bird landed and as it turned towards me I see that it is a Peregrine Falcon! The slate grey/blue of the back and wing tops and the face with the beautiful side burns was all I needed for the ID!
It then started to chase the cardinal around the tree a few times and then the cardinal made a break for it and flew towards me with that falcon dead on it's tail and I'm thinking good bye Mr. Cardinal but ole Mr. Cardinal does a hard U Turn and flies right past that falcon through the tree and then NW into Lucrishas honeysuckle vines and to safety as that falcon was not going to get dinner out of that jungle of vines and he flew into the top of her fur tree and that was the last I saw of him!
That is until about an hour ago as I saw him out my back porch door (east) in my dying elm tree and I went to get Barbara and the binoculars but he was gone when I got back! I grabbed my sweater and cane and out the carport door I go and I stand there for almost 30 minutes just searching and here he comes!
A note to those who do not watch birds of prey. A Peregrine Falcon can almost be mistaken for a pigeon when they fly in wooded areas. They are about the size of a crow but at distance you watch for flying characteristics. I see what I think is a pigeon but I keep watching him until it lands in a tree to my west about 125 yards away and 60' high. I watch it through the binoculars 7x50 old WWII built and they reach out and touch as if you are looking at something a few feet away, and yes it's the falcon! I get maybe 1 minute of watching it when a small bird lands close by it, looks at it for about 5 seconds then starts to harass it as birds do especially when it's the beginning of "find a mate" month! He flies at that falcon and the falcon turns around to watch it and when the bird with a big brass pair flies at it again (how I have NO idea with all that weight weighing it down!) the falcon says "LUNCH TIME" and they fly off to the south and that's the last I saw of them!
If you see a falcon more than 2 times in a day at this close of a range it is setting up house in the area! The Peregrine had died or been killed off in this area from the use of DDT and someone from the state instituted a release program and turned a pair loose here I think about 10 years ago. I have over the years been watching and I believe we have maybe 5 breeding pairs in the area now.
But to get to see what I saw this week was great as my birds of prey watching which I got to do a lot of while driving over the years and across America and my regular birding of the smaller birds has fallen to whats local as I don't get to drive any more except the car around town.
I thank God and Mother Nature for the shows this week!he other street.
Ok to make this clear: My house is on a corner lot It's a T intersection/corner and the streets run N-S and E-W. This town is a perfect NSEW grid pattern! My house is on the N-S street (NE corner) facing due west and my lady neighbor.
The 2nd hawk flew from north to south over my house and then over Mikes house into the trees behind him. Mike lives across the street from me to the south! Phyllis another neighbor is to my SW.
Anyway, Lucrisha (neighbor to the west) and I were facing my house or east and I see something heading towards up and as I look up a male Broad Winged Hawk lands on the top of the power pole next to the street corner (SW corner) and as we are looking up at him a distance of about 30' here comes another BW Hark and lands next to him and it's a female! The are cooing to each other and the Resident BW Hawk is screaming like crazy and these two look towards him and scream at him for about a minute then fly over Phyllis's house and land in a tree there then keep heading to the south and landing and looking around until out of sight!
That it was beyond "way cool" to us that they landed on that pole was just a fantastic Kodak moment with no freaking camera!
The rest of the week was hawks screaming and all the usual birds at the feeder!
Today I add another notch to the binoculars!
I changed the filters in the AC/Heater unit and as I hobbled out to the trash can (SW corner by the car port) I heard this loud Keening Kec Kec Kec that sounded almost familiar and as I turned towards where it came from and leaned to look around the corner of the house and roof a large bird flew over me and I mean almost directly over me at about 10' up! It landed in the tree in my front yard. I have no idea after 12 years living here what kind it is but that it grows like a bush but not higher than 15-20' high. It's also just west of the front yard bird feeder that is empty but one of the resident Cardinals was sitting in it at the moment and freaked when this big bird landed and as it turned towards me I see that it is a Peregrine Falcon! The slate grey/blue of the back and wing tops and the face with the beautiful side burns was all I needed for the ID!
It then started to chase the cardinal around the tree a few times and then the cardinal made a break for it and flew towards me with that falcon dead on it's tail and I'm thinking good bye Mr. Cardinal but ole Mr. Cardinal does a hard U Turn and flies right past that falcon through the tree and then NW into Lucrishas honeysuckle vines and to safety as that falcon was not going to get dinner out of that jungle of vines and he flew into the top of her fur tree and that was the last I saw of him!
That is until about an hour ago as I saw him out my back porch door (east) in my dying elm tree and I went to get Barbara and the binoculars but he was gone when I got back! I grabbed my sweater and cane and out the carport door I go and I stand there for almost 30 minutes just searching and here he comes!
A note to those who do not watch birds of prey. A Peregrine Falcon can almost be mistaken for a pigeon when they fly in wooded areas. They are about the size of a crow but at distance you watch for flying characteristics. I see what I think is a pigeon but I keep watching him until it lands in a tree to my west about 125 yards away and 60' high. I watch it through the binoculars an old 7x50 WWII built for the Navy and these things reach out and touch as if you are looking at something a few feet away, and yes it's the falcon! I get maybe 1 minute of watching it when a small bird lands close by it, looks at it for about 5 seconds then starts to harass it as birds do especially when it's the beginning of "find a mate" month! He flies at that falcon and the falcon turns around to watch it and when the bird with a big brass pair flies at it again (how I have NO idea with all that weight weighing it down!) the falcon says "LUNCH TIME" and they fly off to the south and that's the last I saw of them!
If you see a falcon more than 2 times in a day at this close of a range it is setting up house in the area! The Peregrine had died or been killed off in this area from the use of DDT and someone from the state instituted a release program and turned a pair loose here I think about 10 years ago. I have over the years been watching and I believe we have maybe 5 breeding pairs in the area now.
But to get to see what I saw this week was great as my birds of prey watching which I got to do a lot of while driving over the years and across America and my regular birding of the smaller birds has fallen to whats local as I don't get to drive any more except the car around town.
I thank God and Mother Nature for the shows this week!
Tuesday I was talking with my neighbor in her driveway directly across the street from my house when our resident Broad Winged Hawk started his noisy "this is my territory" screaming as he flew to one of his perches. About 30 seconds later another hawk flew across the top of my house away from him and then into the trees surrounding my neighbors house across the other street.
Ok to make this clear: My house is on a corner lot It's a T intersection/corner and the streets run N-S and E-W. This town is a perfect N,S,E,W grid pattern! My house is on the N-S street (NE corner) facing due west and my lady neighbor.
The 2nd hawk flew from north to south over my house and then over Mikes house into the trees behind him. Mike lives across the street from me to the south! Phyllis another neighbor is to my SW.
Anyway, Lucrisha (neighbor to the west) and I were facing my house or east and I see something heading towards up and as I look up a male Broad Winged Hawk lands on the top of the power pole next to the street corner (SW corner) and as we are looking up at him a distance of about 30' here comes another BW Hark and lands next to him and it's a female! The are cooing to each other and the Resident BW Hawk is screaming like crazy and these two look towards him and scream at him for about a minute then fly over Phyllis's house and land in a tree there then keep heading to the south and landing and looking around until out of sight!
That it was beyond "way cool" to us that they landed on that pole was just a fantastic Kodak moment with no freaking camera!
The rest of the week was hawks screaming and all the usual birds at the feeder!
Today I add another notch to the binoculars!
I changed the filters in the AC/Heater unit and as I hobbled out to the trash can (SW corner by the car port) I heard this loud Keening Kec Kec Kec that sounded almost familiar and as I turned towards where it came from and leaned to look around the corner of the house and roof a large bird flew over me and I mean almost directly over me at about 10' up! It landed in the tree in my front yard. I have no idea after 12 years living here what kind it is but that it grows like a bush but not higher than 15-20' high. It's also just west of the front yard bird feeder that is empty but one of the resident Cardinals was sitting in it at the moment and freaked when this big bird landed and as it turned towards me I see that it is a Peregrine Falcon! The slate grey/blue of the back and wing tops and the face with the beautiful side burns was all I needed for the ID!
It then started to chase the cardinal around the tree a few times and then the cardinal made a break for it and flew towards me with that falcon dead on it's tail and I'm thinking good bye Mr. Cardinal but ole Mr. Cardinal does a hard U Turn and flies right past that falcon through the tree and then NW into Lucrishas honeysuckle vines and to safety as that falcon was not going to get dinner out of that jungle of vines and he flew into the top of her fur tree and that was the last I saw of him!
That is until about an hour ago as I saw him out my back porch door (east) in my dying elm tree and I went to get Barbara and the binoculars but he was gone when I got back! I grabbed my sweater and cane and out the carport door I go and I stand there for almost 30 minutes just searching and here he comes!
A note to those who do not watch birds of prey. A Peregrine Falcon can almost be mistaken for a pigeon when they fly in wooded areas. They are about the size of a crow but at distance you watch for flying characteristics. I see what I think is a pigeon but I keep watching him until it lands in a tree to my west about 125 yards away and 60' high. I watch it through the binoculars 7x50 old WWII built and they reach out and touch as if you are looking at something a few feet away, and yes it's the falcon! I get maybe 1 minute of watching it when a small bird lands close by it, looks at it for about 5 seconds then starts to harass it as birds do especially when it's the beginning of "find a mate" month! He flies at that falcon and the falcon turns around to watch it and when the bird with a big brass pair flies at it again (how I have NO idea with all that weight weighing it down!) the falcon says "LUNCH TIME" and they fly off to the south and that's the last I saw of them!
If you see a falcon more than 2 times in a day at this close of a range it is setting up house in the area! The Peregrine had died or been killed off in this area from the use of DDT and someone from the state instituted a release program and turned a pair loose here I think about 10 years ago. I have over the years been watching and I believe we have maybe 5 breeding pairs in the area now.
But to get to see what I saw this week was great as my birds of prey watching which I got to do a lot of while driving over the years and across America and my regular birding of the smaller birds has fallen to whats local as I don't get to drive any more except the car around town.
I thank God and Mother Nature for the shows this week!he other street.
Ok to make this clear: My house is on a corner lot It's a T intersection/corner and the streets run N-S and E-W. This town is a perfect NSEW grid pattern! My house is on the N-S street (NE corner) facing due west and my lady neighbor.
The 2nd hawk flew from north to south over my house and then over Mikes house into the trees behind him. Mike lives across the street from me to the south! Phyllis another neighbor is to my SW.
Anyway, Lucrisha (neighbor to the west) and I were facing my house or east and I see something heading towards up and as I look up a male Broad Winged Hawk lands on the top of the power pole next to the street corner (SW corner) and as we are looking up at him a distance of about 30' here comes another BW Hark and lands next to him and it's a female! The are cooing to each other and the Resident BW Hawk is screaming like crazy and these two look towards him and scream at him for about a minute then fly over Phyllis's house and land in a tree there then keep heading to the south and landing and looking around until out of sight!
That it was beyond "way cool" to us that they landed on that pole was just a fantastic Kodak moment with no freaking camera!
The rest of the week was hawks screaming and all the usual birds at the feeder!
Today I add another notch to the binoculars!
I changed the filters in the AC/Heater unit and as I hobbled out to the trash can (SW corner by the car port) I heard this loud Keening Kec Kec Kec that sounded almost familiar and as I turned towards where it came from and leaned to look around the corner of the house and roof a large bird flew over me and I mean almost directly over me at about 10' up! It landed in the tree in my front yard. I have no idea after 12 years living here what kind it is but that it grows like a bush but not higher than 15-20' high. It's also just west of the front yard bird feeder that is empty but one of the resident Cardinals was sitting in it at the moment and freaked when this big bird landed and as it turned towards me I see that it is a Peregrine Falcon! The slate grey/blue of the back and wing tops and the face with the beautiful side burns was all I needed for the ID!
It then started to chase the cardinal around the tree a few times and then the cardinal made a break for it and flew towards me with that falcon dead on it's tail and I'm thinking good bye Mr. Cardinal but ole Mr. Cardinal does a hard U Turn and flies right past that falcon through the tree and then NW into Lucrishas honeysuckle vines and to safety as that falcon was not going to get dinner out of that jungle of vines and he flew into the top of her fur tree and that was the last I saw of him!
That is until about an hour ago as I saw him out my back porch door (east) in my dying elm tree and I went to get Barbara and the binoculars but he was gone when I got back! I grabbed my sweater and cane and out the carport door I go and I stand there for almost 30 minutes just searching and here he comes!
A note to those who do not watch birds of prey. A Peregrine Falcon can almost be mistaken for a pigeon when they fly in wooded areas. They are about the size of a crow but at distance you watch for flying characteristics. I see what I think is a pigeon but I keep watching him until it lands in a tree to my west about 125 yards away and 60' high. I watch it through the binoculars an old 7x50 WWII built for the Navy and these things reach out and touch as if you are looking at something a few feet away, and yes it's the falcon! I get maybe 1 minute of watching it when a small bird lands close by it, looks at it for about 5 seconds then starts to harass it as birds do especially when it's the beginning of "find a mate" month! He flies at that falcon and the falcon turns around to watch it and when the bird with a big brass pair flies at it again (how I have NO idea with all that weight weighing it down!) the falcon says "LUNCH TIME" and they fly off to the south and that's the last I saw of them!
If you see a falcon more than 2 times in a day at this close of a range it is setting up house in the area! The Peregrine had died or been killed off in this area from the use of DDT and someone from the state instituted a release program and turned a pair loose here I think about 10 years ago. I have over the years been watching and I believe we have maybe 5 breeding pairs in the area now.
But to get to see what I saw this week was great as my birds of prey watching which I got to do a lot of while driving over the years and across America and my regular birding of the smaller birds has fallen to whats local as I don't get to drive any more except the car around town.
I thank God and Mother Nature for the shows this week!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
You saw the Christams gift list for women NOW it's Valentines DAY!
Valentines Day is fast approaching!
Ok guys time is up! If you have NOT gotten the “love of your life for now” anything for Valentines day I hope the doghouse is clean!
If you have not seen all the TV spots about this day or the ones on the radio if anyone still listens to them over your Ipod or seen any paper advertisements such as bus wrapping, posters on bus stops, subways, on billboards in magazine that you really need to fix your way of life!
Anyway let’s get done to business!
It’s time to think about a gift that’s says “I Love YOU!” This is going to be like Christmas BUT with a way different meaning!
As I informed you all about what NOT to buy as a present for Christmas the same rules apply.
Unless she looked you in the eye
Unless all she gave hints to while talking weather on the phone, in text messages, in emails or on Skype
Or came right out and pointed at it and looked at you and smiled then that’s what she wants!
The rules are:
IF it has an electrical cord built in or the cord can be attached to this electrical device DO NOT BUY IT! UNLESS she hinted to her fullest ability and with MY experience of those not so hard to decipher hints that she wanted that particular device weather it being a hair dryer, heating pad, electrical hedge trimmers, a computer, cell phone, or lawnmower get the thing or not! You know the one you’re buying for! IF she didn’t drop those hints and you bought something that runs on electricity, head to the doghouse. Do NOT pass Go! And that’s her $200 so leave it on the table!
IF this present has an internal combustion chamber and she didn’t hint at it again NO!
If you buy her ANYTHING that pertains to makeup or what is commonly known as BEAUTY supplies and you even start to reach for it you ARE a dead man! She can be 1000 miles away and one of the super powers most of you don’t know about women is they KNOW when you are going to go into that dysfunction known as the “hold my beer and watch this” moment! That being you are going to buy something that says I think you need to wear this because you have a flaw! The dog house will NOT hide your carcass!
The same applies to clothing! Not from WalMart, Target, JC Penny or Victorias Secret and trust me when I say this if it comes from Victoria’s place that skimpy little see through piece of cloth is NOT for her, it’s for you! You know it, I know it as does every male on the planet!
Yeah you know the drill, head to the doghouse! Take that see through thing with you and use it as a mosquito net! Never buy her clothing ESPECIALLY bras or panties! You WILL ALWAYS buy the wrong size! In bras that’s a cardinal sin and will get you out UNDER the dog house that is buried 6 feet down! You sir are now in hell! If she wears a “B” and you come home with a “D” I would NOT want to be a fly on that wall! That whole house is subject to what we experienced and been there done that crowd is known as…
The RATH of Woman!
You think the Exocerest was bad when the little girls head did that 360* thing? Yeah, as I said that fly is a gonner also! The same if it’s a pair of panties! We men still will never understand the way women’s clothes are sized! We still have no idea how to read the size on that tag! As to the only rule of buying presents for women, IF she did NOT pick it up, look you in the eye and smile and you did NOT look at what she held in her loving hands you do NOT belong walking the face of the earth! You are wasting air the rest of us need to understand that wonderful creature known as Woman!
Ok to recover the “Not TOs” is something she did not hint to you and it’s something that is for her only. If it’s something that you can use them that is off the list!
Lets head to the OH HELLO YEAHs!
A trip to someplace she wants to go!
Any thing she hinted at
A new house
A detail for her car, pick up truck or motorcycle
A lifetime supply of her favorite snacks, yoga, Tai Chi classes, credit cards with unlimited space high limit or..
JEWELRY!
If it sparkles, shines and weighs a ton and is bigger than her BFFs stuff it’s a winner! If it’s 2 times bigger than her worst enemies it’s even better!
If it’s gold, silver, platinum, or titanium (ok I’m still out on that one) and is has pretty sparkly rocks on it the whole present is measured in points or carats them you are doing GREAT!
The bigger the stone mounted in that band of precious metal, that dangles off a chain made of any of those metals or wraps around any body part and sparkles you have done well!
The doghouse is now a bad dream and her gratitude can lead to headaches due to loss of blood to the head! A full stomach from all the wonderments from her kitchen and the pride you see in her eyes when she slips up and waves this large carat diamond or stone or precious metal piece of endearment in her BFFs face!
Do we all understand what not to buy the woman of your life?
If it plugs into a wall socket
If it runs off fossil fuels and pertains to beauty, shop work, lawn care, or can transport them,
Clothing of any kind.
Go find the doghouse! It’s still chilly so take a few blankets because that’s ALL the warmth you’ll feel until her head stops spinning and everything she looks at stops bursting into flame!
If she hinted that this is what she wants, get it! NO Matter what! The cost does not factor into this at all!
Have a great Valentines Day!
George
aka
Still alive after all these holidays!
Ok guys time is up! If you have NOT gotten the “love of your life for now” anything for Valentines day I hope the doghouse is clean!
If you have not seen all the TV spots about this day or the ones on the radio if anyone still listens to them over your Ipod or seen any paper advertisements such as bus wrapping, posters on bus stops, subways, on billboards in magazine that you really need to fix your way of life!
Anyway let’s get done to business!
It’s time to think about a gift that’s says “I Love YOU!” This is going to be like Christmas BUT with a way different meaning!
As I informed you all about what NOT to buy as a present for Christmas the same rules apply.
Unless she looked you in the eye
Unless all she gave hints to while talking weather on the phone, in text messages, in emails or on Skype
Or came right out and pointed at it and looked at you and smiled then that’s what she wants!
The rules are:
IF it has an electrical cord built in or the cord can be attached to this electrical device DO NOT BUY IT! UNLESS she hinted to her fullest ability and with MY experience of those not so hard to decipher hints that she wanted that particular device weather it being a hair dryer, heating pad, electrical hedge trimmers, a computer, cell phone, or lawnmower get the thing or not! You know the one you’re buying for! IF she didn’t drop those hints and you bought something that runs on electricity, head to the doghouse. Do NOT pass Go! And that’s her $200 so leave it on the table!
IF this present has an internal combustion chamber and she didn’t hint at it again NO!
If you buy her ANYTHING that pertains to makeup or what is commonly known as BEAUTY supplies and you even start to reach for it you ARE a dead man! She can be 1000 miles away and one of the super powers most of you don’t know about women is they KNOW when you are going to go into that dysfunction known as the “hold my beer and watch this” moment! That being you are going to buy something that says I think you need to wear this because you have a flaw! The dog house will NOT hide your carcass!
The same applies to clothing! Not from WalMart, Target, JC Penny or Victorias Secret and trust me when I say this if it comes from Victoria’s place that skimpy little see through piece of cloth is NOT for her, it’s for you! You know it, I know it as does every male on the planet!
Yeah you know the drill, head to the doghouse! Take that see through thing with you and use it as a mosquito net! Never buy her clothing ESPECIALLY bras or panties! You WILL ALWAYS buy the wrong size! In bras that’s a cardinal sin and will get you out UNDER the dog house that is buried 6 feet down! You sir are now in hell! If she wears a “B” and you come home with a “D” I would NOT want to be a fly on that wall! That whole house is subject to what we experienced and been there done that crowd is known as…
The RATH of Woman!
You think the Exocerest was bad when the little girls head did that 360* thing? Yeah, as I said that fly is a gonner also! The same if it’s a pair of panties! We men still will never understand the way women’s clothes are sized! We still have no idea how to read the size on that tag! As to the only rule of buying presents for women, IF she did NOT pick it up, look you in the eye and smile and you did NOT look at what she held in her loving hands you do NOT belong walking the face of the earth! You are wasting air the rest of us need to understand that wonderful creature known as Woman!
Ok to recover the “Not TOs” is something she did not hint to you and it’s something that is for her only. If it’s something that you can use them that is off the list!
Lets head to the OH HELLO YEAHs!
A trip to someplace she wants to go!
Any thing she hinted at
A new house
A detail for her car, pick up truck or motorcycle
A lifetime supply of her favorite snacks, yoga, Tai Chi classes, credit cards with unlimited space high limit or..
JEWELRY!
If it sparkles, shines and weighs a ton and is bigger than her BFFs stuff it’s a winner! If it’s 2 times bigger than her worst enemies it’s even better!
If it’s gold, silver, platinum, or titanium (ok I’m still out on that one) and is has pretty sparkly rocks on it the whole present is measured in points or carats them you are doing GREAT!
The bigger the stone mounted in that band of precious metal, that dangles off a chain made of any of those metals or wraps around any body part and sparkles you have done well!
The doghouse is now a bad dream and her gratitude can lead to headaches due to loss of blood to the head! A full stomach from all the wonderments from her kitchen and the pride you see in her eyes when she slips up and waves this large carat diamond or stone or precious metal piece of endearment in her BFFs face!
Do we all understand what not to buy the woman of your life?
If it plugs into a wall socket
If it runs off fossil fuels and pertains to beauty, shop work, lawn care, or can transport them,
Clothing of any kind.
Go find the doghouse! It’s still chilly so take a few blankets because that’s ALL the warmth you’ll feel until her head stops spinning and everything she looks at stops bursting into flame!
If she hinted that this is what she wants, get it! NO Matter what! The cost does not factor into this at all!
Have a great Valentines Day!
George
aka
Still alive after all these holidays!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
It’s been over a year since that fun brain surgery and life keep passing me by.
It’s been over a year since that fun brain surgery and life keep passing me by.
One year eight months ago I was a cancer survivor. 22 Feb 2010, I became a brain surgery survivor.
Which one was the worst to survive?
Brain surgery.
I would rather go though another series of radiation treatments than another 10 hour surgery!
My life as I knew it changed for the worst. Cancer holds nothing to what I’ve gone through since I woke up from the anesthesia.
When I rang out after my last dose of radiation and the 2 last chemos I was able to go back to work and start to gain my weight back and look at life as a new beginning. I could honestly say that life was great!
Now I am looking at some more things that cancer gave me to fight as I have said many times that cancer is the gift that keeps on giving even if you don’t want those gifts! Brain surgery was just one of them!
But in the morning I get to go back into surgery for a few minor things caused by that radiation that saved my life but keeps giving me more not so fun things to put up with. This time more Human Papillomavirus to be burned out of my nose, some repairs to my throat so food can go down easier and some wild and weird thing that radiation did to my tongue.
But there is nothing that can be done to put my brain back to working the way it used to before that day in February.
I sit here and pray every day asking God to give me my life back. Not this one I have now where I can’t walk very far before having to stop to get it to stop bouncing and to take in information and process it correctly. Or the way I seem to be mean to my wife and sons and stop being a bad dad as my youngest told me not to long ago. Or as I’m told, scream at my wife as I know I don’t do but I guess I do. I can’t process that data at all.
I want to be able to buy things like I did before all this started. Not live on this sad fixed income where my wife stresses out trying to make ends meet knowing that I’m the one who should be working but can’t do much of anything and now with the world the way it is now knowing that being hired for a job would be on a level with winning the lottery that I can’t even afford to buy a ticket to even try.
I can’t count the times I start thinking of how life was so great and how I was able to support my family with no worries and nothing to fear but now I worry about what will happen tomorrow to me and them.
I can feel my brain slowing down. I can feel it at times swell and hurt but I can’t let them see this as they have watched a man turn into something that is becoming a waste of air the rest of the world needs. I cry too much now. I stare into the past and then to the future of this pathetic life I have left and I ask again why God? What did I do that was so bad that I get to live this life I have now? The headaches, the pressure, the food I can’t eat, the things I used to do that I can’t and the way this affects my son, my wife and those around me.
I was able to help people over come the pain of cancer. I showed them how to laugh and to see that there was a future ahead of them that once that monster was beaten life would go on, but no one could or did warn me about this life after brain surgery. Mine was just a small problem compared to Senator Giffords and to those on the fields of battle who have such traumatic brain damage.
And here I am crying about my pathetic little brain problem but I’ve lost the will to want to keep going on with this life. Waking each morning and having to sit up slowly so I don’t fall over, washing my face and looking at that stranger in the mirror that looks so wrinkled from the weight loss and radiation. Having no appetite for anything solid but cooking a bowl of oatmeal or eggs with cheese just for the calories as nothing has much taste any more even my other meals of soft and mushy foods as I need them to stay alive so my wife and son have my pathetic fixed income so they have a roof over their heads and food and clothing but watching my son not have the things I was able to get him back before all this happened or a present for my wife on our anniversary to show her how much I love her and to thank her for putting up with me all these years as I’m not the pick of any litter!
I want my mind back so I can finish a few stories I started so I could make some extra money, I want my old creative brain that would look at a problem and figure it out and my old life back, not this thing calling itself a life.
In a little while I’ll finish my last cup of coffee until I wake up after surgery.
I wish that God in his infinite wisdom would do as I have asked lately and I will ask of him one more time before I nod off on that table for a simple little 3 in 1 surgery to look at me and say that’s enough and let me wake up to a better life or to just let me go so that my wife and son can benefit from the insurance and not have to endure life with me any more. No human should have to endure this. It’s not a life but a fight. A fight to stay sane. A fight to support my wife and son. A fight not to look at me and cry and wish for a miracle to put this shell of a man back together the way he was before that first round with cancer.
I just want my life back. Not just a life but the life I had. Is it too much to ask for? God, I can’t keep doing this anymore. I’m tired of the doctors, the pain the way I can’t see my world anymore.
Give my life meaning. I never ask you for anything, just my life I had that was capable of caring for my family. Just release my brain from this torture so it will start marching to the band. Let me go so the doctors can use my body to learn how cancer and surgeries will affect the body so that they can better heal others.
That will give my life meaning.
That’s all I ask.
One year eight months ago I was a cancer survivor. 22 Feb 2010, I became a brain surgery survivor.
Which one was the worst to survive?
Brain surgery.
I would rather go though another series of radiation treatments than another 10 hour surgery!
My life as I knew it changed for the worst. Cancer holds nothing to what I’ve gone through since I woke up from the anesthesia.
When I rang out after my last dose of radiation and the 2 last chemos I was able to go back to work and start to gain my weight back and look at life as a new beginning. I could honestly say that life was great!
Now I am looking at some more things that cancer gave me to fight as I have said many times that cancer is the gift that keeps on giving even if you don’t want those gifts! Brain surgery was just one of them!
But in the morning I get to go back into surgery for a few minor things caused by that radiation that saved my life but keeps giving me more not so fun things to put up with. This time more Human Papillomavirus to be burned out of my nose, some repairs to my throat so food can go down easier and some wild and weird thing that radiation did to my tongue.
But there is nothing that can be done to put my brain back to working the way it used to before that day in February.
I sit here and pray every day asking God to give me my life back. Not this one I have now where I can’t walk very far before having to stop to get it to stop bouncing and to take in information and process it correctly. Or the way I seem to be mean to my wife and sons and stop being a bad dad as my youngest told me not to long ago. Or as I’m told, scream at my wife as I know I don’t do but I guess I do. I can’t process that data at all.
I want to be able to buy things like I did before all this started. Not live on this sad fixed income where my wife stresses out trying to make ends meet knowing that I’m the one who should be working but can’t do much of anything and now with the world the way it is now knowing that being hired for a job would be on a level with winning the lottery that I can’t even afford to buy a ticket to even try.
I can’t count the times I start thinking of how life was so great and how I was able to support my family with no worries and nothing to fear but now I worry about what will happen tomorrow to me and them.
I can feel my brain slowing down. I can feel it at times swell and hurt but I can’t let them see this as they have watched a man turn into something that is becoming a waste of air the rest of the world needs. I cry too much now. I stare into the past and then to the future of this pathetic life I have left and I ask again why God? What did I do that was so bad that I get to live this life I have now? The headaches, the pressure, the food I can’t eat, the things I used to do that I can’t and the way this affects my son, my wife and those around me.
I was able to help people over come the pain of cancer. I showed them how to laugh and to see that there was a future ahead of them that once that monster was beaten life would go on, but no one could or did warn me about this life after brain surgery. Mine was just a small problem compared to Senator Giffords and to those on the fields of battle who have such traumatic brain damage.
And here I am crying about my pathetic little brain problem but I’ve lost the will to want to keep going on with this life. Waking each morning and having to sit up slowly so I don’t fall over, washing my face and looking at that stranger in the mirror that looks so wrinkled from the weight loss and radiation. Having no appetite for anything solid but cooking a bowl of oatmeal or eggs with cheese just for the calories as nothing has much taste any more even my other meals of soft and mushy foods as I need them to stay alive so my wife and son have my pathetic fixed income so they have a roof over their heads and food and clothing but watching my son not have the things I was able to get him back before all this happened or a present for my wife on our anniversary to show her how much I love her and to thank her for putting up with me all these years as I’m not the pick of any litter!
I want my mind back so I can finish a few stories I started so I could make some extra money, I want my old creative brain that would look at a problem and figure it out and my old life back, not this thing calling itself a life.
In a little while I’ll finish my last cup of coffee until I wake up after surgery.
I wish that God in his infinite wisdom would do as I have asked lately and I will ask of him one more time before I nod off on that table for a simple little 3 in 1 surgery to look at me and say that’s enough and let me wake up to a better life or to just let me go so that my wife and son can benefit from the insurance and not have to endure life with me any more. No human should have to endure this. It’s not a life but a fight. A fight to stay sane. A fight to support my wife and son. A fight not to look at me and cry and wish for a miracle to put this shell of a man back together the way he was before that first round with cancer.
I just want my life back. Not just a life but the life I had. Is it too much to ask for? God, I can’t keep doing this anymore. I’m tired of the doctors, the pain the way I can’t see my world anymore.
Give my life meaning. I never ask you for anything, just my life I had that was capable of caring for my family. Just release my brain from this torture so it will start marching to the band. Let me go so the doctors can use my body to learn how cancer and surgeries will affect the body so that they can better heal others.
That will give my life meaning.
That’s all I ask.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
They We I A view of 9/11
They, We, I
By, George “RolloverRiderPGR” Purdy
pass this on but keep my name on it so "They" know.
I’ve watched the 10th commemoration of 9/11.
I believe it’s time to stop feeding Islam.
They have reaped 10 years of our sadness and the terror they instill in us every year as plans are made for another service and they post some threats and the circle starts again.
They win.
They keep on winning on 9/11 doing what they are told to do by the prophet.
To kill us and to keep us looking over our shoulders just to convert us.
They win.
Time to stop letting them feed us misleading plans.
They win.
Time to stay alert but time to stop bringing up bad parts of history.
They lose.
We have this habit of remembering and commemorating attacks on us that kill many Americans. WWI, WWII, and now 911.
They win.
We have a penchant for remembering bad days and we need to stop feeding the enemy. This ones not a country but a geo political ideology millions/billions think is a religion. Their only goal is to kill if you don’t see their views or believe in their God and treat humans worse than we Americans have ever in our entire history as some believe the Bad Americans have done.
They win.
Every 9/11 a terror threat goes up. The weak among us want to crawl into a hole and the rest of us watch a little harder.
They win.
This will be my last year to remember in public 9/11
They lose.
And let those who have died, rest in real peace even though 3000+ it isn’t.
They rest
I hope the rest of the world will too and so we stop feeding the beast their aim of terrorizing us.
We win.
It’s also time to stop thinking that they might strike NYC again and again but other places as they have done over and over.
We outmaneuver.
It’s time to stop pandering to the Jeanie and put the Jeanie back into it’s bottle and quit being so politically correct and see this threat as what it is a threat, not a religion! This religion is like having a mad dog in the yard next to where your children play as the dog is digging under the fence.
We acted.
Quit feeding the dog or,
They win.
I’ll remember in my mind 9/11.
I win.
By, George “RolloverRiderPGR” Purdy
pass this on but keep my name on it so "They" know.
I’ve watched the 10th commemoration of 9/11.
I believe it’s time to stop feeding Islam.
They have reaped 10 years of our sadness and the terror they instill in us every year as plans are made for another service and they post some threats and the circle starts again.
They win.
They keep on winning on 9/11 doing what they are told to do by the prophet.
To kill us and to keep us looking over our shoulders just to convert us.
They win.
Time to stop letting them feed us misleading plans.
They win.
Time to stay alert but time to stop bringing up bad parts of history.
They lose.
We have this habit of remembering and commemorating attacks on us that kill many Americans. WWI, WWII, and now 911.
They win.
We have a penchant for remembering bad days and we need to stop feeding the enemy. This ones not a country but a geo political ideology millions/billions think is a religion. Their only goal is to kill if you don’t see their views or believe in their God and treat humans worse than we Americans have ever in our entire history as some believe the Bad Americans have done.
They win.
Every 9/11 a terror threat goes up. The weak among us want to crawl into a hole and the rest of us watch a little harder.
They win.
This will be my last year to remember in public 9/11
They lose.
And let those who have died, rest in real peace even though 3000+ it isn’t.
They rest
I hope the rest of the world will too and so we stop feeding the beast their aim of terrorizing us.
We win.
It’s also time to stop thinking that they might strike NYC again and again but other places as they have done over and over.
We outmaneuver.
It’s time to stop pandering to the Jeanie and put the Jeanie back into it’s bottle and quit being so politically correct and see this threat as what it is a threat, not a religion! This religion is like having a mad dog in the yard next to where your children play as the dog is digging under the fence.
We acted.
Quit feeding the dog or,
They win.
I’ll remember in my mind 9/11.
I win.
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